


Be Strong, Saith My Heart

by realityisoverrated



Series: Infinite Love [129]
Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Character Death, F/M, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Past Rape/Non-con, Polyamory, Polyfidelity, Recreational Drug Use, Season 2 AU, Sex, Sexual Content, Smoaking billionaires, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Toliver, Underage Drug Use, flommy, olicity - Freeform, sex under the influence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-05
Updated: 2017-08-29
Packaged: 2018-12-11 06:32:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 62,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11708814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/realityisoverrated/pseuds/realityisoverrated
Summary: Tommy had hoped that all of the Queen and Merlyn secrets were finally out in the open. With Oliver's return from his five months of exile on Lian Yu, Moira's trial and Sara Lance's unexpected return from the dead, Tommy is quickly learning that all the secrets they're still keeping might destroy the people he loves.





	1. Sara

**Author's Note:**

> This story depicts a polyamorous relationship between one woman and two men. If this is not something you are interested in, please stop and go no further. 
> 
> One of the most common requests I have received for this series is a rewrite of season 2. I hesitated to rewrite a season that is so beloved by fans, including myself. I decided that the only way I could tackle season 2 was to tell it from Tommy's perspective. Everything you love about season 2, Oliver and Felicity working day and night together, Count Vertigo, Tockman, etc - it all still happens, but you won't read it in this installment. You all know what happened in season 2, so I will not be revisiting every plot point. I have other installments set during this time period (installments 6-13 on the chronological list) that deal with events more closely tied to season 2 episodes. I will tell you before each chapter, which episodes are going on during the events of the chapter. 
> 
> I'm also trying something new with this installment. The story will be told in a series of moments set in the past and within season 2.
> 
> Key differences between canon season 2 and Infinite Love season 2 rewrite - Tommy is alive, and in love with Oliver and Felicity. Laurel is dead. Sara and Oliver do not sleep together when she returns from the dead. Oliver does not sleep with Isabel. Any other big differences will be made explicit as this fic goes on.
> 
> Chapter 1, present day, takes place entirely during the events of season 2 episode 4.
> 
> A new piece of fanart is debuting with this installment. A big thank you to lademonessa.
> 
> This installment is 5/129. The installment list has grown too long for the notes section. You can now find the chronological list for the series, with hyperlinks, at http://archiveofourown.org/works/11051019
> 
> If you are new to the series, welcome.
> 
> Arrow and its characters do not belong to me.

Artwork by Lademonessa

 

**2001**

“What’s sex like?” Sara handed a joint to Tommy.

Tommy took the joint, lit it, and then inhaled deeply. He was laying with his head in her lap and slowly blew the smoke away from Sara. As he exhaled, he carefully considered her question. “Which one of these assholes is trying to get you to sleep with him?”

Sara’s gaze drifted over to the bonfire and she shrugged, “All of them.”

“Well, don’t have sex with any of them. They’re all assholes,” Tommy took another drag and returned the joint to her outstretched hand.

“Are you going to tell me I’m too young for sex?” she teased.

“You’re fourteen. You are too young for sex,” he said with certainty as his mind and body relaxed.

“Why, how old were you?” she challenged.

He laughed, “Sixteen and it was like three weeks ago.” He pointed behind them in the direction of the dunes, “Over there.”

“Really?” she asked skeptically.

“Yeah, really,” he said more than a little defensively.

“Sorry,” she said exaggeratedly. “I just figured your best friend is such a man whore, you would be too.”

“He’s not that big of a man whore,” Tommy defended Oliver half-heartedly.

Sara rolled her eyes and returned the joint to his outstretched hand, “How was it?”

He took a deep pull on the joint, held his breath and then exhaled slowly. “It was sandy and very fast,” he answered truthfully. He’d been nervous as hell and he had barely started before it was over.

“Did you enjoy it?” she tugged on his hair.

“I think the guy always enjoys it,” he said. “It felt good. I don’t know how good it was for her, but at least I wasn’t her first. Did I mention it was fast and that I was drunk?”

She laughed, “Are you telling me that you’re not a generous lover, Tommy Merlyn?”

“No, I’m telling you, I didn’t know what the fuck I was doing and having sex on the beach is only sexy in the movies – it’s more – gritty, in real life.” He pointed back to the bonfire, “None of those assholes know what they’re doing either. You deserve better than a quick fuck in the sand. You should be with someone who wants you to feel as good as he does.”

“Don’t you guys watch porn?” Sara pinched Tommy’s side, “Doesn’t it show you what to do?”

Tommy raised an eyebrow at the surprising innocence of her question on a topic that wasn’t, “Porn isn’t exactly educational. It’s more of a visual aid for - alone time.”

Sara wrinkled her nose, “I’ve never done that – alone time, I mean.”

Tommy took another long drag on the joint and exhaled slowly as he considered her confession. He was far from an expert on women’s anatomy, but he’d heard enough from his friends to know that none of them were either. He doubted any of his friends had given any of the girls they’d been with an orgasm. Ollie was the only guy he knew that had performed oral sex on a girl and Laurel made him stop before she came because he was taking too long. “It might not be the worst idea in the world. Figure out what you like so you can tell the guy what you want and show him how to make it good for you.”

“Does Ollie know what he’s doing?” she asked nonchalantly.

Tommy sat up quickly, “Why are you asking about Ollie? He hasn’t tried anything, has he?”

Sara trailed her finger through the sand, “No, but he’s having sex with Laurel and she says he’s really good at it.”

Tommy was pretty sure Laurel was blowing smoke up her sister’s ass. Oliver was the only boy Laurel had been with and she had no basis of comparison to make such an assertion about Oliver’s prowess. Sure, Oliver had been directly responsible for some of Tommy’s orgasms, but Oliver had home field advantage when it came to his anatomy. He studied Sara’s face to determine if she was telling the truth. If Oliver had tried something on her, his friend was about to get a black eye. “Well, don’t have sex with Ollie, either. He’s the biggest asshole of them all.”

“Are you and Ollie fighting?” Sara asked with surprise. “You haven’t said two words to each other all night.”

“No, we’re not fighting,” Tommy wasn’t sure if he was lying, or not. Oliver had been pissy with Tommy ever since he’d lost his virginity. “He’s my best friend, but it doesn’t mean that he isn’t an asshole when it comes to sex. Stay away from him, Sara. He’s no good for you.”

“You could always have sex with me,” Sara offered with a glint in her eye. “You could practice your technique. We could learn together.”

He rolled his eyes and returned his head to her lap, “Yeah, that’s never going to happen. You’re practically my sister. You’re too young and, most importantly, you’re my friend and I’d like to keep you as one. Sex has a way of messing everything up. Besides, I’m as big an asshole as all of them. You should wait for the right guy. Someone who cares about you and goes down on you before he asks you to blow him.”

“Tommy Merlyn, romantic,” Sara took the joint back.

“Nah, I just don’t think you should settle for anything less than what you deserve.” He gestured back at the bonfire, “None of them deserve you.”

Sara turned her head and exhaled, “Then, why do you? Brittany is terrible.” Sara pointed back towards the bonfire where Brittany was currently exploring Max Fuller’s tonsils with her tongue. “You can do so much better than her.”

He smiled sadly, “Trust me, I don’t deserve better.”

Sara ruffled his hair, “I think you do. You may not want the rest of the world to know it, but, Tommy Merlyn, you’re a good guy.”

He grinned, “Now I’m really worried, your judgment about men is terrible.”

“So, if all these guys are assholes, who do you think I should pick? A college guy?”

“Any college guy who’s willing to sleep with a fourteen-year-old deserves to be in jail.” He took the joint out of her hand, “I don’t know, have you ever thought about girls? Women are much better human beings than men.”

Sara flopped back onto the sand cackling with laughter, “Now I know you watch too much porn.”

**2013**

No one did passive aggressive better than Thea Dearden Queen, which was why Tommy had no doubt she was the person slamming things around his apartment while he tried to sleep.  With a head pounding, like he'd been on a weeklong bender, he opened his eyes slowly and groaned when it became apparent he was in a hospital room, not his apartment.

"Oh good, you're up," Thea slammed a plastic water pitcher down onto his nightstand.  "Have fun last night?"

"Speedy," Oliver said gruffly.

Tommy turned to find an angry looking Oliver, and a red-eyed Felicity staring at him across the room. Now that Oliver had returned from his self-imposed exile on Lian Yu, things had started to get better between them. Felicity had been an excellent mediator and was helping Oliver and Tommy to heal their most recent self-inflicted wounds. He couldn’t imagine what he’d done to make Oliver look so angry and Felicity so sad.

"What happened?" Tommy asked.

"You overdosed, that's what happened - you idiot," Thea snarled, even as tears leaked from her eyes.  She hovered over him, her anguish written all over her features, "How could you?  You promised me, after the last time, that you'd never do this to me again."

"What last time?" Oliver asked with alarm.

Tommy's eyes dashed to Oliver, "It's not important."

Thea snorted with disgust, "No, you overdosing is never important."

Tommy grabbed her hand, "I swear to you, Thea.  I didn't take any drugs - I didn't even have a drink."

Betrayal swept across Thea's face before she carefully schooled her features.  "I'm tearing your place apart and flushing your stash."

"Thea," he said firmly, "there's no stash. I didn't take any drugs."

"Then you won't care when I go through your underwear drawer," Thea said with a smirk.

Tommy suddenly felt exhausted, "If going through my underwear drawer is going to make you believe me, then knock yourself out."

"Tommy," Oliver's voice was gravelly, "A woman called 911 from your apartment last night.  She said you overdosed."

Tommy squeezed his eyes shut and tried to remember the night before.  "After work, I went home alone.  I made dinner, ate in front of the television.  There wasn't any woman.  There weren't any drugs." A flash of blue eyes stirred his memories, "The only strange thing - I had a dream about Sara. I would've sworn she was in my living room with me – it felt so real."

"Sara?" Oliver’s arms dropped to his sides.

Before Tommy could respond, Dr. Lam entered the room.  "You're awake," he said with a kind smile.  "How are you feeling?"

"I've felt better," Tommy said as the doctor flashed a pen light into his eyes.

"People who overdose don't get to feel good," Thea snapped.

"I didn't overdose," Tommy snapped back.

"Tommy's right," Dr. Lam told the room.  "He didn't overdose."

Oliver moved closer to Tommy's bed, "What happened?"

"He was poisoned," Dr. Lam said.

"Poisoned?" Tommy, Thea, Oliver, and Felicity asked together.

"Yes, with a powerful neuro toxin.  We're not sure which one," the doctor answered.  "He's lucky he got here when he did. Another few minutes, it would've been too late. We've contacted the police.  They'll be investigating."

Felicity took Tommy's hand as she addressed the doctor, "Will he be all right?"

"I think so.  We're going to keep him the rest of the day, see how he does, make a decision about tonight," the doctor answered.

Dr. Lam left the room and everyone stared at one another in silence.

"This is about the Undertaking.  Someone tried to kill you because of your dad," Thea said as she fluffed his pillow.  "We need to hire you bodyguards."

"We don't know if it was the Undertaking," Oliver said as he leaned over Tommy and stared into his eyes.

"No one else would want him dead.  He lives like a monk.  The only people he talks too are in this room, mom and an army of lawyers," Thea insisted.

Oliver and Felicity shared a look.  Felicity kissed Tommy's cheek, “I'm sure clever people, who know what they're doing, will get to the bottom of this."

Oliver squeezed Tommy's arm, "Try not to scare me like that again."

"Trust me, it's not in my plans," Tommy promised.

"Get some rest," Oliver said, his eyes, once again, focused on Tommy's.  "We'll check in with you later."

Felicity gave him a smile and a wave as Oliver escorted her from the room.

"Shove over," Thea told him.  "I'm staying here until they let you go."

Tommy shifted so Thea could lay down next to him.  She rested her head on his shoulder and took hold of his hand.  "You okay?" he asked her.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you," she apologized. "I should've believed you, but I thought I was going to lose you."

"It's all right.  I'm sorry I scared you," he kissed the top of her head. "You're never going to lose me."

"I'd be lonely if I didn't have you to tease every day," she explained.

"I'm not going anywhere, Speedy, I promise."

Tommy wondered who was out to murder him.  Poisoning implied the would-be killer had obtained access to his home, which was scarier than someone walking up and shooting him on the street.  He hoped Oliver and Felicity would be able to figure it out before the assassin could strike again.

**2002**

“They are so gross, right?” Sara asked Tommy in a whisper.

Tommy looked over his shoulder at Oliver and Laurel who were barely keeping it PG-13 on the sofa behind them. “Are you still watching this?” he gestured towards the movie they were watching.

“It’s kind of hard to pay attention with that going on,” she answered.

Tommy stood up and offered Sara his hand. There was no reason they had to stay and subject themselves to Oliver and Laurel’s gropefest. He led her into the empty living room and sat at the piano. He played a glissando and Sara applauded. “Any requests?” he asked.

The lid was down on the baby grand, allowing Sara to hop up. She laid on her stomach, facing Tommy. “Surprise me,” she grinned.

Tommy’s fingers lightly danced across the keys as he played Mozart’s, Rondo alla turca.

“Show off,” Sara laughed. “You’re actually good.”

“Is that surprising?” he asked.

“You can talk and play at the same time?” she asked with disbelief.

“I can’t play it well if I talk, but it’s a muscle memory – I can muddle through,” he answered. “What do you want to talk about?”

“Did your mom teach you?” Sara asked.

“No, I had a series of piano teachers,” he answered. “Dad thought it would teach me discipline. I loved music and enjoyed practicing. It’s one of the rare things we agree on – for different reasons.”

“Where is he? You’ve been living here for a few months now,” Sara asked.

“I don’t know where he is,” Tommy answered truthfully. Wherever Malcolm was, Tommy hoped he’d stay there a long time. He finished the Mozart and launched into Beethoven’s, Moonlight Sonata.

Sara rested her chin on her folded forearms. Tommy could feel her eyes assessing him. He knew that she was dying to ask him questions that their entire school wanted to ask. Everyone knew something bad had happened at the end of the prior school year, but two months later, the only thing his classmates could do was speculate.

“You’re too skinny,” Sara complained. “Your cheekbones are nicer than mine. I don’t like it.”

“I’m contemplating a career as a male model. What do you think?” he asked with his poutiest look.

“I think you should contemplate something different,” she teased.

“Ouch,” Tommy winced. “Tell me what you really think.”

“Are you okay?” she asked with concern.

He looked up, surprised by her tone, “I’m fine.”

“You don’t seem fine,” she said. “Are you sick?”

“Sick?” Tommy asked with confusion.

“You’ve lost a lot of weight. Your eyes don’t seem right – they’re dull,” she said guiltily. “People are saying you have cancer.”

“I’m not sick,” he said defensively. “I had a growth spurt.”

Sara wrinkled her nose at his growth spurt excuse. “I’m an excellent listener,” she said. “If you ever need to talk about what’s really going on with you, you can talk to me.”

“I’m fine,” he said, “but thank you.”

“What are you two doing in here?” Oliver asked. “I thought we were watching a movie.”

“We were watching a movie,” Sara said. “You were being gross.”

“Play something we can dance to,” Laurel requested.

Not feeling overly generous, Tommy began a waltz by Chopin.

Laurel rolled her eyes, which made Oliver laugh. “You asked for something you can dance to. This is a waltz.” He held out his hand to Laurel, but she turned away.

“I’ll try, Ollie,” Sara hopped off the piano.

Oliver positioned Sara’s arms, “It’s easy, just follow my feet.”

Sara and Oliver stumbled around the living room. Sara kept stepping on Oliver’s feet which made Oliver grumble and caused her to laugh. “I’m terrible at this.”

Oliver let go of Sara. “Come here, buddy. Let’s show them how it’s done.”

“I don’t feel like dancing,” Tommy sulked. The last thing he wanted was to be held by Oliver in front of the Lance sisters.

“Come on, Tommy. Show me. I can’t get my feet right,” Sara pouted.

“Fine,” Tommy stood up from the piano, “but I’m leading. Watch Ollie’s feet.”

Oliver gave an awkward curtsy that made Tommy smile, reluctantly. He danced Oliver around the room effortlessly. Sara followed after them watching their feet.

“I think I’ve got it,” Sara exclaimed and she began to gracefully dance by herself alongside them.

Tommy spun Oliver out of his arms towards Sara. Oliver took Sara into his arms and they began to dance.

Tommy held out his hand to Laurel and waggled his fingers. “You’ll have fun, and I promise not to step on your toes.”

Laurel didn’t look at him. She was too busy watching Oliver and Sara laughing as they danced around the room. The more she watched, the deeper her frown became. She walked past Tommy and tapped Oliver on the shoulder, “I think I’ve got it now.”

Oliver let go of Sara and took Laurel’s hand, “It’s easy, I’m sure you’re a natural.”

Tommy watched as the smile fell from Sara’s face. He recognized the look all too easily. If Sara had fallen in love with Ollie, it would be nothing short of a disaster for all of them.

He tapped Sara on the shoulder and bowed, “My lady, may I have this dance?”

The smile returned to Sara’s face and she curtsied, “Kind sir, it would be an honor.”

Tommy gave Sara a twirl before taking her into his arms. “Keep your head up. Don’t worry about your feet,” he instructed.

Sara was a quick study, and soon, they were waltzing around the living room with graceful ease.

“Don’t fall in love with Ollie,” Tommy said softly for Sara’s ears alone. She looked away from watching Oliver and Laurel with surprise. “Trust me. Falling in love with Ollie only leads to heartbreak. I don’t want to see you added to the list of girls he’s hurt with smooth words and a sexy smile.”

Sara smiled sadly, “What if it’s already too late?”

Tommy kissed her forehead, “Then I’m sorry for whatever comes next.”

**2013**

Tommy opened the door to the basement and ran down the stairs with a spring in his step. It had been a week since someone had tried to poison him. Analysis of his blood revealed that he’d been poisoned with Tibetan pit viper venom. Whoever poisoned him, either didn’t know what they were doing, or they hadn’t wanted to kill him, just make him sick. Oliver, Diggle and Felicity had discovered a break in at the Starling City zoo’s snake house, but that was as far as their lead went. The SCPD was investigating the hundreds of death threats Tommy had received since the Undertaking, but Tommy didn’t plan on hiding until the culprit was found.

Tommy’s mind wasn’t on assassinations, but on breakfast. If he was lucky, Dig would be on his way out and he could convince Oliver and Felicity to go for an early breakfast before they all headed home. One of Verdant’s bartenders had told him about a place in Cobble Hill that supposedly made the best Bloody  Mary’s in town. Felicity loved a good Bloody Mary and he wasn’t above using the promise of a boozy brunch to get her to agree to join him.

Oliver was waiting at the bottom of the stairs with his hand up in warning. His eyes were red rimmed. Tommy quickly scanned the basement looking for Felicity. He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw Felicity standing by her monitors, but when his eyes moved to the person standing next to her, it was if all the oxygen left the room.

“Tommy,” Oliver said softly as he placed his hand on Tommy’s shoulder.

Tommy shrugged Oliver’s hand off and continued to move further into the room. He opened his mouth to speak, but he couldn’t form any words. He wasn’t sure if he was dreaming or hallucinating, but if he was, he didn’t want it to end. The apparition approached him with a smile on her face.

“Hi, Tommy,” the squeaky voice he hadn’t heard in more than six years said.

Tommy closed his eyes, “Are you real?”

Arms wrapped around his neck, and a soft kiss landed on his cheek, “I’m real.”

Tommy’s arms banded around her back and he held her tight, “Sara.” He cradled her head with one hand, buried his face in her long blonde hair and began to cry.

“I’m okay, Tommy,” she held him tighter.

When he regained some of his composure, he released her enough to look at her face. He brushed the hair from her eyes and she smiled at him, “How?”

“It’s a long story,” Sara said.

Tommy spotted Oliver watching them and he had a sick feeling start to churn in his stomach. “Did you know she was alive?” he asked angrily.

“No,” Oliver shook his head, “I thought she was dead. I thought she drowned.”

The looks on Felicity and Dig’s faces made the hair on the back of Tommy’s neck stand up. He stepped away from Sara and moved towards Oliver, “What aren’t you telling me?”

Sara took hold of Tommy’s hand and she redirected his attention, “It’s a long, complicated story.”

Tommy wiped his eyes with his free hand, “Your dad, he must be over the moon.”

Sara looked away, “I’m not going to tell my dad that I’m back.”

“What?” he asked with disbelief. “You have to tell your dad. He needs you – especially after Laurel. Oh my god, Laurel.” He looked over to Oliver who looked as distressed as he felt. “Sara, I’m so sorry.”

“I’ve known about Laurel for a while now,” Sara said. “It’s partly why I came home.”

“I don’t understand,” he admitted. “Don’t tell me it’s complicated. How can you not tell your dad that you’re alive? He needs you.”

“I’m not the same person I was six years ago,” Sara said sadly. “My mom and dad won’t understand.”

“None of us are,” Tommy said, “but that doesn’t mean we stop loving the people we’ve always loved. Your mom and dad only want you to be alive, the rest is just noise.”

Sara looked between Tommy and Oliver and she smiled knowingly, “Tommy Merlyn, and his big heart, always sees the best in the people he loves, even when we don’t deserve it.”

“If you’re not here to see your dad, why are you here?” Tommy asked.

“Someone I love was in danger.” Sara answered. At his confused look she added, “It’s complicated.”

“I’m really starting to hate that phrase,” Tommy said with frustration.

“I promise, I’ll tell you what I can. Just not tonight. I’m tired.” She hugged Tommy’s arm, “It’s so good to see you.”

“Where are you staying?” he asked.

“The old abandoned clock tower,’ she announced like it was the Fairmont.

“You can’t stay there, it’s freezing out, and it’s condemned.” He looked around for her luggage, “You’re coming home with me. I’ll sleep on the couch.”

Sara shook her head, “I can’t do that, Tommy.”

“Then it looks like I’m sleeping in the clock tower,” he folded his arms across his chest. “When I get pneumonia or die from exposure, it will be your fault.”

“Wow,” she laughed, “I forgot what a huge pain in the ass you are.”

“I’ll take that as a yes,” he grinned. “Come on, let’s go home.”

“I’ll go grab my stuff,” she told him. “You have any food at your place?”

“I do,” he said. “And if you answer one of my questions on the way home, I’ll even let you eat some of it.”

Sara laughed, “Such a huge pain in the ass.”

When Sara went to grab her gear, Tommy approached Oliver. In a low voice, he asked, “Are you going to tell me what you’re not telling me?”

“Tommy,” Oliver said with exasperation.

“See, I’m going to take that as you knowing that Sara didn’t die when the Gambit sank, which means you lied to Quentin and Laurel – and to me,” Tommy accused.

“Tommy,” Oliver said guiltily, “it’s complicated.”

“Yeah, well then, I have two words to say to you, fuck you,” Tommy spat out.

“I’m ready,” Sara chirped.

Tommy smiled at his newly resurrected friend, “We can pick up a pizza on the way home.”

Her eyes lit up, “Mario’s?”

“Is there any other kind?” he asked as he took her hand and led her up the stairs.

 

**2003**

The late summer evening had grown chilly and Tommy was laying on a lounge chair beside the Bowen family pool beneath a fleece blanket. He had a half full bottle of tequila in his hand as he observed his former classmates have one last hurrah before everyone left for college. Oliver and Laurel were back on and had ditched the party hours ago. Malcolm was back in town, so Tommy had no desire to return home, but he wasn’t in the mood to socialize either.

“There you are,” Sara squeaked, “I’ve been looking all over for you.” She lifted the blanket, “Shove over, I’m freezing.”

Tommy moved over to make room for the petite blonde. She snuggled against his side and he covered her with the blanket, “Better?”

“Much,” she said through chattering teeth. She rested her head on his shoulder and reached for the bottle of tequila. “Where are Ollie and Laurel?”

“I’m guessing, fucking, back at Ollie’s.” Tommy passed her the bottle and watched her take a swig. She shivered as she swallowed. “Where have you been all night?”

She handed him back the bottle, “Having sex.”

He nearly dropped the bottle. He quickly put it on the ground and rolled onto his side. “With whom?”

Sara shrugged, “It doesn’t really matter. At least I’m not a virgin anymore.”

He pulled on a lock of her hair, “Are you okay?”

Sara’s eyes welled with tears, “You are wise beyond your years. You know that, right?”

Tommy sat up, “Did someone hurt you?”

Sara grabbed hold of Tommy and pulled him back down, “Relax. It was completely consensual. It was just bad sex, or, I hope it was bad sex because if it was what sex is supposed to be like, I’ve got to say, disappointing. At least it was in a bed and not in the sand.”

Tommy handed her the bottle and tried to reassure her, “It sounds like it was bad sex. It will get better.”

“You’re right, boys our age don’t know what they’re doing.” Sara took another swig of tequila. “Don’t make a big deal about this – okay?”

“I won’t tell you, I told you so,” he winked. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I’m sure.” Sara put the bottle back on the ground, “Will you do me a favor?”

“Sure, what do you need?” he asked.

“Will you kiss me?” she asked shyly.

“Why?” he spluttered.

Sara gripped his hand under the blanket, “I don’t want to go home and go to sleep with his slimy kisses on my mind. The rumor mill says that Tommy Merlyn knows how to curl a girl’s toes with one kiss.”

Tommy stared at her for a few moments before he made up his mind. “I’ll make a deal with you. I’ll kiss you, but it won’t be a toe curling kiss. I don’t want you having those kind of dreams about me,” he grinned. “I’ll give you a - thorough kissing.”

Sara rolled her eyes, “You’re an idiot.”

He arched a brow at her, “Really, you’re insulting me? It’s not much of an incentive to give you a thorough kissing.”

“Fine,” she shifted to get more comfortable and tucked her hair behind her ears, “you’re a total stud.”

“Better,” he said as he rearranged himself on the chair. He leaned in to kiss her and she giggled. “I’ll wait,” he said drolly, which only made her laugh harder.

Tommy went to move, but Sara grabbed onto his Harvard sweatshirt, “Wait, I’m sorry. I’ll stop. It’s just,” she wrinkled her nose, “you’re trying to kiss me.”

“You asked me to,” he reminded her.

“I know.” She bit her lip to regain her composure. “You’re totally doing me a solid. I’ll get my shit together.” She took a deep breath and shook out her limbs, “Okay, I’m ready.”

“Tongue or no tongue?” Tommy asked as he rolled onto his stomach beside her. Their pelvises wouldn’t be touching during the thorough kissing. He was going to keep it classy for Sara.

Sara tapped her finger against her lips, “I want the full Tommy Merlyn experience.”

“Well, you’re getting the partial Tommy Merlyn experience, but I’ll include tongue cause you’re a good kid who just had bad sex,” he teased.

“Less snark, more kissing,” Sara requested.

Tommy brushed the hair from her face and cupped her cheek. He softly brushed his lips against Sara’s. Her lips parted slightly and he sucked on her bottom lip. Sara responded and kissed him back. He licked into her mouth and stroked her tongue and she shivered beside him. His tongue slowly trailed along the roof of her mouth, causing Sara to moan. He gentled the kiss and left two lingering kisses on her lips before he pulled back.

Sara was looking at him with an expression of complete surprise. She pressed her wrist to her forehead. “Wow,” she said. “If that was the partial Tommy Merlyn experience, I can’t believe there isn’t a line of girls waiting for the full experience. You’re really good at that.”

Tommy’s cell pinged. He got up from the lounge and he held out his hand, “My driver is here. He’s going to take you home.”

Sara allowed Tommy to pull her to her feet, “What about you?”

“My car is here. I promised Laurel that my driver would take you home.” He pointed to the lounge chair, “Besides, I’m going to crash here.”

“Your dad’s home,” Sara said with understanding.

“Yeah,” he took her hand and led her towards the front of the house.

“You could just go to Ollie’s,” Sara reminded him. “I could keep you company.”

“My room adjoins Ollie’s. It’s not exactly soundproof.” Tommy was not going to subject himself or Sara to listening to Laurel cry out Oliver’s name all night. “You are going home. I do not want to get shot by your father.”

Sara bit her lip, “I don’t like the idea of you sleeping outside. It’s cold.”

“I’ve got a blanket and if it gets too cold, I’ll sleep in my car.” He wrapped an arm around her shoulder, “Don’t worry about me. I’ve slept in far worse places.” Sleeping outside was a far safer option than returning home where his father was waiting.

The Merlyn family driver opened the back door of the Bentley. Sara kissed Tommy’s cheek, “Thank you.”

Tommy smiled, “I should be thanking you - for the kiss.”

Sara smiled and shook her head, “You’re a charmer, Tommy Merlyn. Those Harvard girls better watch out.”

“Take Ms. Lance home,” he instructed the driver.

Tommy stood in the driveway and watched Sara drive away before he returned to his lounge chair by the pool.

 

**2013**

“There are extra blankets in the closet in the hall and more towels in the linen closet in the bathroom,” Tommy told Sara. “Do you need more pillows?”

Sara smiled at him from where she was laying on his bed, “Honestly, Tommy, this is perfect. This is the most thread count I’ve had in the past six years combined.”

“Just holler if you need anything,” he said from the doorway. “I’m a light sleeper.”

“Hey,” Sara held out her hand, “will you stay with me until I fall asleep?”

“Sure,” he kicked off his shoes. Tommy smoothed out the blankets and laid on top of them. He lifted his arm and Sara tucked herself into his side.

Sara giggled, “Same old Tommy. Chivalrous, even when the woman can kick your ass.”

“Even more reason to be chivalrous,” he winked. “I don’t want you to smother me in my sleep.”

“I’ll do my best to resist that impulse,” Sara teased.

Tommy reached over to his beside lamp and turned it off. His hand rested on the center of Sara’s back. He could feel a thick ropey scar beneath his palm. Before the Gambit, Sara’s skin had been the color of milk with lots of freckles, but there hadn’t been any scars crossing her back. “Are you really okay?” he whispered into the darkness.

Sara’s hand rubbed his chest, “I will be.”

“Where have you been? Why didn’t you come home?” his voice, heavy with emotion.

“You don’t want to know what happened to me. You won’t ever look at me the same,” she said sadly.

“I love you. Nothing could change that,” he said, placing a kiss to the top of her head.

“Do you still love Ollie – even with what he’s become?” she challenged.

“Even after all the terrible things he’s been through and the things he’s done, he’s still, Ollie. Nothing will ever change that for me.”

“Ollie was always lucky to have you,” Sara laced her fingers with Tommy’s.

“You always had me too,” he reminded her.

“I did,” she agreed. “I never realized what a great friend you were until I didn’t have you anymore.”

“I’m still your friend, Sara. You used to tell me your secrets. I kept all of them, even after you were gone. You can still tell me your secrets,” he told her. If he couldn’t get Ollie to unburden his soul, maybe Sara would be willing to. If he could convince her that she was still loved, she might be willing to go see her dad.

“My secrets are ugly now,” she said with an edge to her voice.

“I’m not afraid of ugly,” he informed her. “I was raised by Malcolm Merlyn.”

Sara lifted herself up and rested her arm across his chest, “I have a secret about your dad.”

Tommy went rigid beneath her and with trepidation asked, “What about my dad?”

“I know where he went after your mom died,” she whispered.

Tommy laid in the dark and listened to Sara tell him stories about the League of Assassins, their leader, Ra’s al Ghul and how she’d been rescued by his daughter, Nyssa. She went back further to the night the Gambit sank and how she’d floated for days on debris before she was pulled from the sea by a mad doctor and his boatload of mercenaries who experimented on prisoners. She’d feared that the mercenaries would rape her, but it was the handsome doctor, grieving for his wife, she should’ve been afraid of. He came to her bed in the middle of the night and raped her. She explained how she eventually stopped resisting and began to willingly share his bed because she could no longer find the strength to fight. Sharing a warm bed with a monster was far preferable to being confined to a cold cell and being used as a guinea pig for Ivo’s deranged experiments.

Tommy listened as she talked into the small hours of the morning. It wasn’t until she fell asleep in his arms that he allowed himself to weep for his friend. He wept for Sara, Laurel, and Ollie. He wept for who they’d been and for who they’d become because of Malcolm’s madness.

**2007**

“I can’t believe she dumped you on your birthday,” Oliver said failing to keep a straight face. “That’s a record, even for you.”

“Shut up,” Tommy flopped onto Oliver’s sofa.

Tommy had driven down from Cambridge with his girlfriend, Liz, and her band. They were performance artists who did all their concerts in their underwear. The band had a gig at Princeton and Tommy took the opportunity to visit Oliver. He’d joined the band, in his underwear, for lead vocals on two songs and then spent the rest of the show hanging out with Oliver at the bar.

Liz had called it quits at the after-party. They’d only been dating for six weeks, but Tommy had found Liz beautiful, smart and almost as silly as he was. The sex had also been pretty fantastic and he’d been looking forward to sharing birthday sex with Liz in the nice hotel room he’d rented. Instead, Liz was in their hotel room and he was very drunk on Oliver’s sofa, feeling extremely sorry for himself. “Now, I don’t have a ride back to Harvard.” He lifted his head, “Princeton is in the middle of fucking nowhere.”

“Tell me about it,” Oliver pushed on Tommy’s legs, “but it’s where dad still had some strings left to pull.”

Tommy bent his legs to allow Oliver to sit down. Once Oliver was seated, Tommy draped his legs over his lap, “Are you flunking out?”

“Well,” Oliver looked away.

Tommy sighed, “It’s not going to be cute when you’re twenty-five and still attending keggers with teenagers.”

“Eventually,” Oliver’s hand slid up and down Tommy’s calf, “my dad is going realize I’m a lost cause and he’ll stop making me attend. What do I need a degree for? I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need.”

“I got into Stanford,” Tommy said nervously. He and Oliver had a fight over Christmas about Tommy applying to get his MBA. “I’m going to go.”

Oliver’s jaw began to tick, “I don’t know why you feel like it’s necessary to do everything he tells you. First Harvard. Now Stanford.”

Tommy snorted, “I thought we just established you do everything your dad tells you to do too.”

“Do you want to get a MBA?” Oliver asked.

Tommy shrugged, “It keeps me out of Starling for another two years. It gets me two years closer to getting full control of my trust. I can figure out what happens next while I’m at school. Maybe I’ll move to Italy.”

“Fine, we’ll move to Italy.” Oliver kicked off his shoes, “We can buy matching Lamborghinis with our trust funds. You can work, if you want to. I’ll stay home and lounge by the pool.”

Tommy rolled his eyes at the prospect of Oliver Queen being his pool boy. “My birthday is kind of sucking and I’m only drunk,” he complained. The high he’d been riding at the concert had worn off.

Oliver lifted his hips from the sofa and reached into his pocket. He pulled a small baggie from his pocket and waved it in front of Tommy’s face. “Open up,” Oliver instructed as he leaned over Tommy, “and I’ll have you feeling good in no time.”

Tommy opened his mouth and stuck out his tongue. Oliver placed the small blue pill on the tip of his tongue. Tommy swallowed the pill and, out of habit, opened his mouth to show his friend it was gone. Oliver’s finger traced his jawline and Tommy smiled. “Thanks for letting me crash with you.”

“Buddy, it’s your birthday. If you hadn’t come here, I would’ve come to you. When have we not spent our birthdays together? Besides, I missed you. It’s been ages since Christmas break.” Oliver popped a blue pill into his mouth.

Tommy blushed as he remembered what happened over Christmas break, “It’s only been six weeks.”

 “It feels like forever.” Oliver’s eyes went wide, “I almost forgot. Wait right here.”

Tommy sat up as he watched Oliver rattle around in his kitchen. “Do you need help?”

“No,” Oliver looked at him in panic. “Don’t look. Close your eyes.”

Tommy did as he was told and closed his eyes. He chuckled as he listened to Oliver open and close drawers and mutter under his breath. The apartment went quiet and Tommy strained to hear where Oliver had gone.

“Okay, you can open them,” Oliver said softly.

Tommy opened his eyes to find Oliver holding a small birthday cake that looked like it was in danger of catching fire, “Jesus, buddy, how many candles are on this thing?”

Oliver looked at the cake with confusion, “Twenty-two and one for good luck.”

“I’m not the one getting thrown out of school. I think you need the luck,” Tommy teased.

“Well, when you make your wish, you can wish your luck onto me.” Oliver pulled the cake away when Tommy moved to blow out the candles. “Wait, it doesn’t count unless I sing to you.”

“You’re an idiot,” Tommy sat back and waited to be serenaded.

Oliver sang quickly but with gusto. He held the cake back in front of Tommy, “Wish for something good, you deserve it.”

Until Tommy was twelve, he’d wished that his mom would appear and tell him it had been a mistake and that she hadn’t died. Until he was fifteen, he’d wished his dad would love him. On his sixteenth birthday, he began to wish for the thing he still wished for, that he and Oliver would always be together. Tears welled in Tommy’s eyes and he cursed whatever pill Oliver had placed on his tongue. He was starting to feel like he was floating. Tommy took a deep breath and blew out all the candles. He smiled at Oliver, “What flavor is it?”

Oliver rolled his eyes, “What flavor cake do you think I’d get you for your birthday?”

“Carrot?” Tommy asked hopefully.

“Yes, it’s carrot cake. You are so weird.” Oliver held out a knife, “You really should like a vanilla cake with chocolate mousse filling and real buttercream frosting.”

Tommy sliced a piece of cake for himself, “I think you’re describing your favorite cake.” He handed Oliver a slice of cake, “You always complain, but you always eat the carrot.”

“It would be rude not to.” Around a large bite of cake Oliver asked, “Why’d Liz dump you?”

Tommy shrugged, “It wasn’t working out.” He shoveled a piece of cake into his mouth in the hope that Oliver would drop the topic. The last thing he wanted to tell Oliver was that Liz thought he was in love with his best friend.

Oliver tilted his head and studied his friend. He pointed to Tommy’s plate, “How’s the cake?”

“It’s good.” Tommy took another bite.

“How are you feeling? Sober?” Oliver put his plate onto the coffee table.

Tommy closed his eyes, “Nope, not sober. The magic has started to kick in.”

“I’m sorry about Liz. I know you liked her,” Oliver placed his hand on Tommy’s knee. “I know it was my fault.”

“Ollie, it wasn’t your fault.” Tommy put his plate down, “She got bored with me.”

Oliver shook his head, “I’ve known you for almost twenty-two years and not once, in all that time, have you ever been boring.”

Tommy laughed, “You have to say that – otherwise, you’d be boring for hanging out with me.”

“True, and we both know that I’m not boring,” Oliver leaned back against the sofa. He turned his head to look at Tommy, “She was watching us at the party, like she knew a secret.”

“Yeah,” Tommy said.

“She thinks she has us figured out?”

“Yeah.”

“I probably shouldn’t have done a strip tease while you were singing with the band,” Oliver said apologetically. “But, you started it.”

“It was in the spirit of the show,” Tommy leaned back and rested his head on the cushion. He turned to face Oliver, “Everyone on stage was already in their underwear.”

“We probably should have sung a different song,” Oliver said seriously.

“Probably,” Tommy chuckled softly, “or, I should’ve sung it to her instead of to you.”

“Well, it was kind of hard not to. Queen, was right in the lyrics,” Oliver laced his fingers with Tommy’s.

“I did try to explain that to Liz, but she didn’t quite buy it,” Tommy squeezed Oliver’s hand.

“You know what I wanted to do and didn’t?” Oliver leaned closer to Tommy.

Tommy shook his head and licked his lips.

Oliver’s fingers ran through Tommy’s hair. He brushed his lips softly against Tommy’s, “I wanted to kiss you.”

“Ollie,” Tommy whispered. His fingers traced Oliver’s face. He ran his thumb over Oliver’s bottom lip and his friend sucked it into his mouth. Tommy moaned.

Oliver rose quickly from the sofa and pulled Tommy to his feet. The alcohol and drugs were making Tommy feel warm and relaxed. He melted against Oliver’s back as Oliver walked them towards the bedroom.

“What did you wish for?” Oliver asked as he kissed Tommy’s neck as they stood in each other’s arms at the foot of his bed.

“What I always wish for,” Tommy answered. “You.”

Oliver lifted Tommy’s sweater over his head before removing his own. “Happy birthday, dearest Tommy,” Oliver sang softly before he captured Tommy’s lips in a searing kiss. He lowered them onto the bed.

“Ow,” Tommy yelped. He reached beneath his back and pulled out the book he landed on. “The Odyssey?”

Oliver kissed Tommy’s neck, “Come then, put away your sword in its sheath, and let us two go up into my bed so that, lying together in the bed of love, we may then have faith and trust in each other.”

Oliver’s words spread like fire through Tommy, “Are you quoting Homer to me?”

“I contain multitudes.” Oliver settled into the cradle of Tommy’s legs. He caressed Tommy’s cheek, “Happy birthday.”

“Ollie,” Tommy said as he tilted his head back and exposed the column of his throat.

Oliver placed a trail of delicate kisses along Tommy’s throat. He sucked on the junction where Tommy’s neck met his collarbone. Tommy moaned and his hips rolled beneath Oliver’s. Oliver’s eyes were blown wide from a combination of lust and drugs. Oliver swirled his hips against Tommy, “I love you.” He licked into Tommy’s mouth as his hand fumbled with Tommy’s belt buckle.

Tommy’s fingers clawed at Oliver’s back as all thoughts of Liz and their breakup vanished from his head.

**2013**

“Hey,” Felicity waved hesitantly. She held up a paper bag, “I’ve got Mexican, if you’ve got the margaritas.”

“Hi,” Tommy smiled at his unexpected visitor. “This is a pleasant surprise. He stepped aside and allowed her to enter. “Frozen or straight up?”

“Straight up,” Felicity responded as she walked into this kitchen.

Tommy pulled the ingredients together for margaritas as Felicity unpacked their lunch. “Isn’t Ollie, going to miss you? Aren’t you supposed to be at work.”

“It’s Dig’s turn to babysit him,” Felicity huffed. “Oliver Queen is on my last nerve today – so, don’t spare the tequila.”

“What he’d do?” Tommy laughed as he handed her a drink.

She clinked her glass against his, “Isabel Rochev.”

Tommy’s drink paused on the way to his lips, “He did Isabel Rochev?”

Felicity began to choke on her drink, “What?” She put her hand to her forehead as she realized what she said, “No. Of course not, he’s not that stupid.” She tilted her head, “Well, he is that stupid, he slept with Helena Bertenelli, so, yeah, stupid – but no, not this time.”

Tommy began to dish food onto his plate, “So, what exactly did he do with Isabel that has you annoyed with him?”

“Nothing,” she put a chip with guacamole into her mouth, “that’s the problem. I bust my butt for that man and the dragon lady treats me like dog poop on her designer shoes and he doesn’t say anything.”

Tommy sat on a kitchen stool, “He’s got a lot on his mind.”

“Sara,” Felicity sat down next to him.

“Yeah, Sara,” he agreed. “I think her being back from the dead has thrown him for a loop.”

“Ya think?” she sniped.

Tommy arched a brow, “Everything okay?”

“Is Oliver still in love with Sara?” she asked guiltily.

“Ollie loved Sara, but he was never in love with her. Sara was a bomb he dropped into the center of his life to end things with Laurel. It backfired,” Tommy said sadly.

Before Felicity could respond, Sara called out, “Where’d you go? I woke up and you were gone.”

Sara stepped into the kitchen wearing underwear and a sports bra. A purple bruise had blossomed on her check from the hit she took from one of the criminals she’d chased with Oliver the night before. She stopped short when she saw Felicity, “Oh, I didn’t realize you had company.”

“I was just leaving,” Felicity said putting down her fork and hopping off her stool, “I didn’t realize Tommy had company. I mean – I knew you were staying here, so, company, obviously, because you’re back from the dead, but I didn’t know you were staying in his bedroom together kind of company.” She turned bright red as she looked between Tommy and Sara. She tripped over her own feet as she spun on her high heels, but managed to stay upright.

“What? Wait? Where are you going?” Tommy took hold of her elbow. “You haven’t finished your margarita or lunch.”

“That’s okay,” she smiled tightly, “Sara can have it. I’ll see you later. I really should get back to work.”

Tommy chased Felicity to the front door. He put his hand against the door to keep her from opening it, “It’s not what it looks like.”

Felicity tilted her head to the side, “It’s okay, Tommy. We’re all adults. I’m not even going to try to unpack what it is with you, Oliver, and the Lance sisters.”

Tommy dropped his head, “God, what you must think of us.”

“It’s none of my business,” she turned the door knob.

“Sara and I didn’t have sex last night,” Tommy lowered his head to catch Felicity’s eyes. “She’s one of my closest friends, but Sara and I have never had sex.”

“Not for lack of trying,” Sara said with a margarita in her hand.

Tommy glared at his friend, “Really? So not helping.”

Sara’s eyes went wide, “Oh, are you two together?” She grimaced, “I thought maybe she and Ollie were,” she bumped her fists together, “a thing. Oh, are both you and Ollie with her?” she asked with a mischievous grin over the brim of the margarita glass.

“Sara,” Tommy said with frustration, “this isn’t funny.”

“I should go,” Felicity said looking at the floor. “Tommy, please let me go.”

“Felicity,” Sara said gently.

Felicity turned to look at Sara.

“I’m sorry, I was just teasing. Tommy’s telling the truth. We’ve never had sex. I offered him my virginity, many years ago, and he turned me down. He was always a gentleman – still is.” Sara smiled sadly, “He always looked out for me. I was just too stubborn to listen.”

“Come back and eat,” Tommy tugged on Felicity’s hand. “Drink a margarita. Tell me how terrible the dragon lady is.”

Sara took a sip of her margarita and then grinned, “I have so many embarrassing Tommy Merlyn stories.”

Felicity’s face lit up, “I bet you do. I could probably trade you a few stories.”

Sara linked her arm through Felicity’s and led her back towards the kitchen, “Did he ever tell you about the time he and Ollie woke up with a penguin in the pool house?” She looked over her shoulder and winked at Tommy.

Tommy groaned, “There’s not enough tequila in the world for this.”

**2007**

Tommy rolled over in his sleep and was surprised to find someone in his bed, “Ollie?”

Oliver draped his arm across Tommy’s waist, pressed his ear to his best friend’s chest and began to weep.

Tommy’s arms wrapped around Oliver’s back and he held his friend close. His heart began to race from the anxiety of not knowing what brought his best friend to his house in the middle of the night. A break up with Laurel never produced tears.  He couldn’t smell any alcohol on Oliver, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t high. Oliver knew that Malcolm was home and he’d never risk being discovered in Tommy’s bed unless he was impaired.

“Did you tell your parents about Princeton?” Tommy asked once Oliver had grown calm.

Oliver buried his face against Tommy’s chest and shook his head, “Sam lost the baby.”

Tommy felt Oliver’s words as much as he heard them. His chest ached for Oliver’s loss. He felt a small flash of shame as he realized there was a part of him that was relieved. He’d been jealous when Oliver had told him about the pregnancy. He’d been sure that he would lose Oliver once he became a dad. Oliver couldn’t be getting high and hanging around with Tommy if he had a child to look after. He’d accepted long ago that losing Oliver was inevitable. One day, they would get married and start families and they would have to put aside their relationship. Tommy hadn’t expected, one day, to be so soon.

Tommy forced his own emotions away and focused on his friend. “Ollie,” he lifted Oliver’s chin, “I’m so sorry.”

“I don’t know why I’m crying,” Oliver laughed bitterly. “I wanted my problem to disappear. I guess I got my wish.”

“Hey,” Tommy scooted down the bed so he was eye level with Oliver, “you didn’t wish your baby dead.”

“The last few weeks, I’ve been thinking a lot about what kind of dad I’d be,” Oliver sniffled.

“One day, you’re going to be a great dad,” Tommy told him. There was no doubt in his mind that Oliver would be an amazing father, once he got out from under his parent’s crushing expectations.

“I bought the baby this,” Oliver pushed something into Tommy’s hand.

Tommy stretched and turned his bedside lamp on. He blinked several times to allow his eyes to adjust to the low light. He held up the item Oliver had pressed into his hand. It was a Rockets’ onesie with, _Queen_ , written across the back. Tears stung Tommy’s eyes and a lump formed in his throat, “Oh, Ollie.”

“I was thinking that this time next year, you and me, we could take the baby to the beach to watch the sea lions. The following year, we could take the baby to the Rocket’s game. I thought we could put a treehouse in the tree you liked to climb – you know the one,” Oliver wiped the tears from his eyes.

Tommy ran his fingers through Oliver’s hair, “All of that sounds like fun.”

“Except it’s never going to happen, because my baby’s dead,” Oliver’s head dropped to Tommy’s shoulder.

“One day, you’ll have a baby. I know Laurel wants kids one day,” Tommy tried to comfort Oliver.

Oliver pulled away from Tommy and wiped his eyes, “Yeah, Laurel.” He dropped his head into his hands, “Sara and I had sex.”

Tommy felt nauseous. He rolled away from Oliver and got out of bed. He began to pace as he tried to figure out who he was more furious with, Oliver or Sara. There weren’t going to be any winners in this scenario.

“You’re mad,” Oliver said into the darkness.

“Well, I’m not planning on throwing you a parade,” Tommy replied. “There has only ever been one person – one person - I asked you not to have sex with.”

“It just kind of happened,” Oliver confessed.

Tommy groaned, “God, don’t tell me that. That’s so much worse than it being intentional.”

“I needed some fun and you were at Stanford, picking out a place to live,” Oliver said.

“Don’t,” Tommy hissed, “you dare blame this on me. I was out of town so you decided to screw your girlfriend’s sister. That’s on you.”

“Laurel wants to move in together. She wants me to go with her to law school,” Oliver said as way of explanation

“Oh good, that sounds like fun. We’ll all be at Stanford and I’ll get to watch you self-destruct in person.”

“I like Sara,” Oliver insisted, “a lot.”

“Then break up with Laurel. You’re not being fair to either of them like this. Don’t’ be such an asshole. You’re better than this. Laurel and Sara deserve better than this. I,” Tommy bit his lip to prevent himself from saying, I deserve better than this.

Oliver got off the bed, “I don’t know why I bothered coming over here. I thought you’d understand.”

Tommy grabbed Oliver’s arm before he could leave, “Buddy, I do understand. I’m sorry about the baby. I really am. We can fight about Sara tomorrow. Come lay down for a few hours.”

Oliver laid back down. Tommy turned off the light and returned to his bed. He lifted his arm and Oliver tucked himself against Tommy’s side. “Why do you put up with me? I’m a complete fuck-up.”

“I could ask the same of you,” Tommy answered.

“You’re a better person than I’ll ever be. All I do is hurt people,” Oliver said pitifully.

“I’m not better than you, Ollie. I’d be lost without you.” Tommy kissed the top of Oliver’s head, “Go to sleep.”

Tommy was awake, long after Oliver had fallen asleep. If Oliver wasn’t going to be able to avoid disaster with Sara, Tommy would have to find a way to persuade her to break things off with Oliver before all of them got hurt.

Tommy rubbed the onesie between his fingers and wondered if Oliver had lost a son or a daughter.


	2. The Gambit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oliver and Sara's secrets are pushing them towards disaster in the present and the past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This series passed 700,000 words with the last chapter. Thank you for reading (and rereading) all of them.
> 
> The events of 2x5 are referenced in this chapter.

**2007**

“I’m looking for Sara Lance,” Tommy told the pretty co-ed who opened the front door of Alpha Delta Pi.

The woman gestured for Tommy to come inside. She shouted up the stairs, “Hey Lance, there’s a serious hottie here looking for you.”

Thirty seconds later, Sara bounced down the stairs with a huge smile on her face until she saw that her visitor was Tommy. He waved, “I’m guessing the serious hottie you were expecting is my idiot of a best friend.”

She folded her arms across her chest, “Are you here to lecture me? Because you are the last person on earth who gets to lecture me on this.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Tommy asked as he followed her out of the sorority house.

Sara turned around to face him, but continued to walk, “I just think that people in glass houses and all that.”

“Not getting any clearer.”

Sara stopped and pulled Tommy flush with her body. She pressed her lips to his ears, “I’m not the only one of us who has fucked Ollie Queen.” Sara let him go and shouted over her shoulder, “Take me to dinner.”

Tommy chased after her, “Ollie and I don’t fuck.”

Sara snorted, “Tell that to someone who hasn’t seen you get fucked by him.”

Tommy laughed with relief, “Well, if you saw us, then you’re having some pretty vivid dreams.”

Sara rolled her eyes, “I was at Vivian Beauchamp’s Christmas party.”

Tommy’s feet stopped moving and his heart began to race. Oliver had dragged Tommy to a party at Vivian Beauchamp’s beach house. One of Ollie’s former frat brothers from SCU had invited him to the party two hours outside of Starling. Oliver had been fighting with Laurel and had begged Tommy to go with him. They hadn’t seen each other since Tommy had driven to Princeton on fall break and the promise of alcohol, drugs and sexy co-eds was enough for him to agree to go with Oliver to a party at a stranger’s. Tommy and Oliver hadn’t recognized a soul at the crowded party. The anonymity afforded by being surrounded by chemically impaired strangers had made them slightly more reckless than usual.

“Sara,” he cleared his throat, “I don’t know what you think you saw, but Ollie and I don’t have sex.”

The smile fell from Sara’s face and she looked at him with pity, “Oh, Tommy. You might tell yourselves that, but from what I saw, you two are fucking – even if neither of you are taking it in the ass.” She patted his chest, “It was fucking hot to watch. It went right in the old spank bank.”

“Please don’t tell,” he began to beg.

“Laurel? Please, I’m not going to tell her. She’s so high and mighty thinking she’s going to be the next Mrs. Queen when I think there’s a better chance that you will be.”

Tommy grabbed her hand, “I don’t care about Laurel. Please don’t tell Ollie you saw anything. Please.”

Sara’s face became serious, “Tommy?”

“Please,” he begged, “promise me you won’t tell Ollie.”

“You’re shaking,” she said with concern.

“Please, Sara, please,” he didn’t care how desperate he sounded. Oliver couldn’t know that they’d been seen, especially by Sara. Oliver would never forgive him.

“Hey,” she took his hand, “I promise. I won’t say anything to Ollie.” The teasing from her voice was completely gone. She peered up at him and carefully studied his face, “Tommy, if you tell me that you’re in love with him, I won’t go on the trip.”

Tommy took a shaky breath and focused on a spot on the horizon. As much as he might want to, he could never say those words. Tommy didn’t live in a world where he got to tell anyone that he was in love with Oliver Queen. Not wanting Sara to throw herself away on Oliver’s self-destructive tendencies had nothing to do with Tommy’s feelings for Oliver, but everything to do with his friendship with her. Sara deserved better than what Oliver was going to give her. “Don’t go to China with Ollie because Laurel is your sister. Ollie is self-destructing and he’s using you to do it. I don’t want you to get hurt.”

Sara kissed Tommy’s check, “I’m not a kid that you need to protect anymore. I love you for trying, but if I want to fuck Ollie on a yacht, then I’m going to do it – unless you tell me not to fuck your boyfriend. Okay?”

“He’s not my boyfriend.” Tommy looked down at his feet with resignation, “I promise, when this blows up in your face, I won’t say, I told you so.”

Sara linked her arm through Tommy’s and started pulling him towards his car, “I’m starved. Take me to dinner.”

 

**2013**

“Thanks for coming with me,” Sara said.

Tommy and Sara sat in his car at the cemetery as rain lashed against his windshield. The car was fragrant from the large bouquet of flowers in the backseat. “You’re welcome,” he told her. He checked the weather on his phone, “The rain shouldn’t last too much longer.”

“That’s all right,” she scrunched down in her seat, “I still don’t know what I’m going to say to her.”

They sat in comfortable silence as they listened to the rain fall against the rooftop. Tommy turned to look at Sara who was chewing on her thumb. “She forgave you, you know.”

Sara looked at him with surprise, “You don’t have to say that to make me feel better.”

“I’m not. She forgave you before you’d been gone for a year. She was angry as hell at Ollie, but she didn’t blame you.”

“She shouldn’t have blamed Ollie, well, he didn’t deserve all the blame. I was a big girl. I knew what I was doing when I got on the boat. It’s not like he abducted me.”

“Laurel didn’t blame Ollie for you getting on the boat, she blamed herself.”

Sara sat up and turned to face him, “Why?”

He smiled sadly, “Because, you told her that you liked Ollie and she went after him.”

“She told you that?” Sara wiped a tear from her eye.

“Yeah, she told me a lot of things. Mostly,” he took Sara’s hand, “how much she loved and missed you. She would’ve given anything to have you back.” Tears fell from his eyes, “She would’ve been so happy to see you again. I wish she’d gotten the chance.”

“Me too. I thought I’d have more time. She was Laurel, I figured she’d always be there.” Sara turned to look out the passenger window, “I don’t deserve her forgiveness.”

“Of course, you do. You’re her baby sister and she loved you,” Tommy let go of her hand.

“What about you?” she turned back to face him.

“What about me?” he asked with confusion.

“Do you forgive me?”

He tilted his head, “Forgive you for what?”

“You were in love with Ollie and I knew it. I got on the boat any way. I’m so sorry, Tommy.”

“You don’t have anything to apologize for,” he said looking back out the windshield.

Sara sighed, “Really? How old are you and you’re still lying about who you are and what you are to one another?”

“There’s nothing going on between me and Ollie,” he insisted. “There never really was anything between us. It was such a long time ago.”

“Bullshit,” she hissed. “Before you tell another lie, just know that he kisses like you – or maybe you kiss like him. Either way, the first time Oliver kissed me, it reminded me of the one time you kissed me. You don’t need to be embarrassed, you’re not the only bi person in this car.”

Tommy’s eyes slid over to hers, “You like girls?”

She grinned, “You were right, women are much better human beings. Except for maybe you, and my dad.”

“Are you seeing someone?” he asked turning to face her.

Sara shrugged, “Remember I told you about Nyssa?” When he nodded, she continued, “We fell in love. We are in love.”

“What happened? Where is she?” he asked with confusion.

“I left the League,” Sara said, “and she would never leave the League for me, it’s all she’s ever known.”

“I’m sorry,” Tommy smiled sympathetically.

“She had you poisoned to draw me out,” Sara confessed quickly.

“What?” Tommy wasn’t sure he heard her correctly.

“I told Nyssa all about my life here – including you and Ollie. She poisoned you to get me to reveal myself. I’m sorry,” Sara apologized.

“It was you in my apartment – you weren’t a hallucination?” he asked.

Guilt was written all over Sara’s face, “No, I followed you home from the club to make sure you got home okay. For a guy who gets a lot of death threats, you really don’t pay attention to your surroundings. I was about to leave, when I saw you collapse.”

“Thank you – for saving my life,” he said solemnly.

“It was the least I could do – since I’m the reason you were poisoned,” she said with a sad smile.

“Are you in danger?” Tommy asked. “We should talk to Ollie.”

“Ollie already knows. Nyssa sent an assassin for me. Al-Owal showed up last night. After what happened with your dad, the only way out of the League is through death,” she said with resignation.

“Ollie and Dig, they’ll keep you safe,” Tommy promised.

“I’ve gotten pretty good at keeping myself safe – but it’s nice to have people I trust have my back.”

Even though they were sitting in a cemetery, their conversation had become too serious for Tommy. “The sex can’t be that good,” he said with a straight face.

“What sex?” Sara’s brow was furrowed in confusion.

“With Nyssa. She wouldn’t be trying to kill you if the sex was any good. Are you not a generous lover, Sara Lance?” he asked fighting a grin.

Sara threw her head back and laughed, “I’ll have you know I’m a very generous lover and Nyssa,” she turned bright red, “well, I’ve never had better orgasms.”

“That’s because you’ve never been with me,” he said cheekily.

Sara’s mouth opened in surprise, “Is that an offer?”

Tommy wrinkled his nose, “God, no. Gross. You’re like my sister.” The fact that she was Laurel’s sister went unmentioned.

Sara poked him in the chest, “So what’s up with you and Felicity?”

“It’s complicated,” were the only words he could find to describe his current situation. He was in love with Felicity, but he was certain she was in love with Oliver, and that scenario never ended well for him.

Sara smiled knowingly, “When you say it’s complicated, you mean, it’s Ollie. You’re both in love with her – that’s clear to anyone with two eyes, and you’re in love with each other – also clear to anyone with two eyes.”

It seemed pointless to lie to Sara anymore. “You know, I never blamed you for getting on the boat. I blamed myself. If I’d told you the truth about my feelings for Ollie, you never would’ve gotten on the Gambit.”

“You should tell him how you feel. You got a second chance. What are you waiting for?” Sara rested her head against his shoulder. “He loves you too. One of you just needs to be brave and admit it.”

He rested his cheek on top of her head, “I’ve never been brave when it comes to Ollie.”

“How could four people, who loved each other so much, have caused each other so much pain?” she asked him.

Tommy laced his fingers with hers, “I don’t know.”

They sat hand in hand, staring out the window, and waited for the rain to stop.

 

**2007**

“You’re an ass,” Tommy told Oliver as he watched him pack his duffle bag.

“You’ve said that already,” Oliver grumbled.

“Well, clearly it hasn’t penetrated your thick skull, because you’re still planning on taking Sara with you,” Tommy snapped.

“It’s just harmless fun. I don’t know why you’re getting so worked up about it,” Oliver zipped his bag closed.

Tommy glared at the back of Oliver’s head, “It’s not harmless. She’s Laurel’s sister, Ollie. This is cruel, even for you.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Oliver asked angrily.

“You’re doing this to get caught. You want Laurel to break up with you so you can get out of moving in with her. Sara is going to be the one who has to deal with all the fallout when this blows up, because, buddy, this has fucking disaster written all over it. They’re sisters. This is their family you’re messing with.”

Oliver rolled his eyes, “You’re over thinking this.”

“Just sack up and break up with Laurel. Tell her you’re not in love with her. Tell her you’re not ready to move in together. Leave Sara out of this,” Tommy begged.

Oliver raised an eyebrow, “Do you have a thing for Sara? If you do, I’ll back off.”

Tommy ran his hands over his face, “Unlike you, not every decision I make is made with my dick. Sara is my friend and I don’t want to see her get hurt because you’re looking to blow up your life.”

“I’m not looking to blow up my life.” Oliver said sullenly.

Tommy sat down next to Oliver, “I know you’re upset about what happened with Samantha.”

“This has nothing to do with that,” Oliver snapped.

“Have you told your parents you’ve been expelled from Princeton yet?”

Oliver looked away, “It’s why I’m going to China with my dad. I want to talk to him about it.”

“Don’t go. Stay here. You can come with me to Stanford, you don’t have to live with Laurel.” Tommy tried one last time to reach his best friend, “Yachts suck.”

Oliver laughed, “You’re the only kid of a billionaire who thinks so.”

Tommy flopped backwards on the bed. He draped his arms over his face. Oliver could be so frustrating when he refused to listen to reason. Oliver shifted on the bed and his hand slipped underneath Tommy’s shirt.

“Ollie,” Tommy complained, “this isn’t helping.”

“Don’t be mad at me,” Oliver placed a kiss below Tommy’s ear. He traced the line of Tommy’s jaw with his tongue. Oliver pushed Tommy’s arms off his eyes. He took Tommy’s wrists in one hand and held them above Tommy’s head. With his other hand, Oliver ran his thumb over Tommy’s bottom lip. “Don’t be mad.”

“I’m not mad. I’m frustrated,” Tommy informed his friend.

Oliver smirked and rolled on top of Tommy and rolled their hips together.

Tommy gasped, “Not that kind of frustrated.”

Oliver moved to kiss Tommy, but Tommy turned his head away. “Please don’t go. If you do this, you’re always going to regret it.”

Oliver growled and rolled off Tommy, “I don’t need you as my conscience. You’re supposed to be my best friend.”

“I am your best friend,” Tommy protested.

“Then act like it. Congratulate me for convincing a hot girl to come on this trip to fuck my brains out with no strings attached sex.”

Tommy sat up on his elbows. “Well, if you pick a girl that you can have no strings attached sex with, I’ll congratulate you. Sara’s not that girl.”

Oliver lifted his duffle onto his shoulder, “I promise, there won’t be any fallout. Sara knows this trip is just about sex. She’s not going to tell Laurel anything. No one is going to get hurt.”

“Damn it, Ollie,” Tommy stood up, “I know you’re not this stupid.” He couldn’t understand how Oliver thought this secret would never be discovered.

“And yet,” Oliver grinned, “all evidence is to the contrary.”

Tommy couldn’t help but smile.

Oliver grabbed the front of Tommy’s shirt and pulled him close, “Try and have fun while I’m gone. Stay out of your dad’s way until you leave for school.”

Tommy averted his eyes.

“I know he’s home. Promise me you won’t provoke him while I’m gone.” Oliver sought Tommy’s eyes, “Promise me.”

“I promise. I’ll give dear old dad a wide berth while you’re gone.”

Oliver rubbed their noses together and smiled. “When I get back, we’ll go to Vegas or Mexico for a week.”

Tommy smiled reluctantly, “Okay. I’ll make some arrangements for my fall break.”

Oliver gently bit Tommy’s bottom lip before he sucked it between his own. His tongue stroked into Tommy’s mouth and he dropped his duffle to the floor. Oliver’s arms wrapped around Tommy as he licked the roof of Tommy’s mouth. Tommy grabbed Oliver’s face and deepened their kiss.

“Two minutes, Oliver,” Robert bellowed from the hallway.

Oliver gentled the kiss and placed two final lingering kisses to Tommy’s lips, “I’ll be home before you know it. You won’t have time to miss me.”

Tommy rested his forehead against Oliver’s, “Yeah. I’ll hardly know you’re gone.”

Oliver picked up his duffle and opened his bedroom door. He turned and smiled at Tommy, “Let’s do two weeks in Mexico.”

Tommy nodded and forced a smile, “Okay, two weeks in Mexico.”

Oliver stepped out of the room and Tommy couldn’t help but feel that by failing to convince Oliver to leave Sara behind, he’d failed them both. Tommy ran after Oliver. He got to the railing of the staircase and shouted down to Oliver who was in the foyer with his dad, “Ollie.”

Oliver looked up and smiled, “Yeah, buddy.”

“Be careful,” Tommy pleaded.

Oliver shook his head with amusement, “I’m going on a yacht, not off to war.”

Tommy’s grip on the railing tightened. There was so much more that he wanted to say, but with Robert watching them, he couldn’t. “I’ll see you in three weeks.”

“There’s always room for one more,” Robert offered with a smile.

“Thanks, Mr. Queen, but I think my dad would kill me if I got on the Gambit,” Tommy replied.

Oliver followed his dad to the front door. He turned back to look at Tommy one final time, “I’ll see you in three weeks.” Oliver pointed to the table in the foyer, “Right there.”

“I’ll be waiting,” Tommy promised. Oliver gave him a wink right before Raisa shut the door behind him.

 

**2013**

“You’re avoiding me,” Oliver accused as he stepped past Tommy and into his apartment.

“Hey, Ollie, come on in,” Tommy said sarcastically.

Oliver removed his leather coat, dropping it on the sofa as he passed it. He beckoned Tommy with his fingers, “Come on, let me have it. I know it’s got to be ready to boil over.”

Tommy folded his arms across his chest, “I have nothing to say to you.”

Oliver looked at Tommy’s ceiling, “Not once, since you learned how to speak, have you had nothing to say to me.”

“Well, there’s a first time for everything,” Tommy shot back.

“Fine,” Oliver snapped as he grabbed his jacket from the sofa. “I guess it was a waste of time coming over here.”

Oliver knocked his shoulder into Tommy’s as he walked by. Tommy knew that Oliver was manipulating him and provoking him into a fight, but even with his knowledge, he couldn’t resist. “How could you not tell us that Sara made it to Lian Yu?”

“Finally,” Oliver tossed his jacket back onto the sofa. “I thought she was dead. I didn’t think it would help anyone to know that we got separated when the Gambit went down and that we were reunited a year later only for her to drown again. She didn’t want her parents to know about what happened on Ivo’s ship. It wasn’t my secret to tell.”

Tommy already knew what had happened to Sara after the Gambit sank. What he didn’t know, and what he was angry about, was that he still didn’t know what happened to Oliver after the Gambit sank. “What else aren’t you telling me?” he asked with ice in his voice.

“A lot,” Oliver admitted.

Tommy pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes, “I don’t even know where to begin with you.”

“Do you want me to tell you that you were right? That I should’ve listened to you?” Oliver asked angrily.

Tommy dropped his hands, “What are you talking about?”

“You told me not to take Sara on the trip,” Oliver reminded him.

“Yeah, because I thought you should just admit that you wanted to break up with Laurel instead of orchestrating an elaborate affair to get her to dump you. I never could’ve imagined that you and Sara would be put through hell because my dad tried to murder all of you.”

“I don’t understand what you’re angry about,” Oliver admitted with frustration.

“I’m angry that I don’t know what happened to you while you were gone. I’m angry that you’re still keeping secrets from me,” Tommy shouted. “I want,” he bit his tongue.

Oliver’s eyes went wide, taking a step closer he asked softly, “What do you want, Tommy?”

Tommy shoved his hands into his pockets to hide that his hands were shaking. He took a deep breath and gave himself time to regain his composure. He could never tell Oliver what he really wanted. “I want my best friend to come all the way home. I want him to stop keeping secrets from me.”

Oliver clasped Tommy’s face between his hands, “I’m not keeping secrets. There are things I haven’t told you because I can’t. Terrible things happened to me, Tommy, and I did terrible things. I’m not ready to tell you everything. I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready.”

Tommy covered Oliver’s hands with his own, “Ollie.”

“Please, Tommy,” Oliver pleaded.

Tommy sighed with resignation. When he prayed to get Oliver back, he hadn’t placed any conditions on how he got him back. He was grateful to have Oliver home and he wouldn’t put provisos on their friendship, “Fine.”

Oliver let out a shaky breath, “Thank you.”

The front door opened and closed with a slam, “God, I hope I’m interrupting something.”

Oliver and Tommy pulled apart. Oliver ran his hands over his head, “Hey, Sara.”

“Hey, Ollie,” she said with a smirk.

“Did you go see your dad?” Tommy asked hopefully.

A soft smile spread across her face. She hugged Tommy, “I did. I came back to grab my things.”

Tommy kissed her check, “I’m glad.”

The cheeky grin returned to her face, “You can get back to whatever I interrupted. I promise not to look on my way out.” She put her lips to Tommy’s ear and whispered, “He’s really good in bed. You should give him a ride.”

Tommy picked up a throw pillow and threw it at her as she headed towards his bedroom.

“What is she talking about?’ Oliver asked with an arched brow.

Tommy smiled ruefully and shook his head, “It’s Sara. Who the hell knows?”

 

**2007**

“It’s your phone,” an unfamiliar female voice said.

Tommy was roused from his sleep by someone poking him with his cell. “They can call back,” he mumbled into his pillow.

“Is Thea your girlfriend?” the woman asked.

“What?” Tommy lifted his head to look at the woman he vaguely remembered meeting at a club the night before.

“Thea,” she held the phone out to him, “has called you about six times.”

Tommy sighed and took the phone, “Thanks Cindy.”

The woman rolled her eyes as she got out of bed, “It’s Mindy.”

He smiled apologetically, “Right, Mindy. Sorry.” Tommy rolled over, “I’ve got to take this. It’s my best friend’s kid sister.”

Mindy waved a dismissive hand at him and walked from the room naked.

“Speedy,” he answered the phone groggily, “I swear, if you’re calling me about Zac Efron dating anyone from High School Musical before noon on a Saturday, I swear,”

“To-to-tommy,” Thea stuttered.

Instantly awake, Tommy sat straight up, “Thea? Are you okay? Are you hurt?” He got out of the bed and grabbed his pants. “Where are you?”

“Tommy,” Thea’s voice sounded thin and reedy, “the Gambit sank. Ollie’s dead. My dad’s dead. They’re gone.”

Tommy’s legs gave out from under him. He missed the bed and fell to the floor, “What?”

“There was a storm,” she began to cry. “Tommy,” Thea begged.

Thea’s scared voice penetrated his racing thoughts, “I’m coming, Thea. I’m on my way.”

“Don’t hang up,” she pleaded. “I need to hear your voice.”

“I’m not hanging up,” he promised. He put the phone on speaker as he pulled his clothing on, “I’m still here. I’m still here,” he repeated as looked for his shoes. “Is your mom there?”

“She - had – to – go - out,” Thea said between gasping breaths. “Sara - was - on - the – boat - too.”

“Okay, Thea,” he shoved his feet into his shoes.

“Ollie,” Thea sobbed.

A lump formed in Tommy’s throat. He grabbed his cell off the bed and took it off speaker and cradled it between his shoulder and ear, “I’m here, Speedy.”

He ran through the strange apartment and passed the naked woman he spent the night with and shouted over his shoulder, “Thank you, but family emergency.”

He got to the street and looked around for his car. “Fuck,” he muttered when he didn’t see it. He’d been too drunk the night before and had cabbed it to Mindy’s apartment.

“Tommy,” Thea cried.

He began running towards one of the main streets desperate to find a cab, “I’m coming, Thea.”

Tommy spotted a cab and he darted into the street and stood in front of it. The cab slammed on its brakes and the driver opened his window and shouted. “Asshole, are you crazy? I’m off duty.”

Tommy pulled out his wallet and took out all his cash, around six hundred dollars, and shoved it into the driver’s hand, “Please, it’s an emergency.”

The driver looked at the money and tilted his head towards the backseat, “Get in,”

Tommy slid into the backseat and gave the driver the address to the mansion. “I’m still here, Thea,” he said to her. What she was saying couldn’t be true. It had to be a mistake. Oliver would never leave him. His forehead fell to the window as he listed to Thea sob and tears began to fall from his eyes. “I’m still here. I’m still here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. Kudos and comments are always welcomed and appreciated. Hearing from you is my favorite part of the day.
> 
> On Saturday, Moira's secrets start to unravel in the present, and Tommy struggles to hold it together in the past.
> 
> Prompt requests are encouraged.
> 
> You can also come say hi to me on tumblr. http://realityisoverrated-fic.tumblr.com


	3. Secrets and Lies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Despite Moira's trial not going well, she refuses to let Tommy testify on her behalf. In the past, Tommy tries to help Moira and Thea cope with Oliver and Robert's deaths.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Episodes 2x7, 2x8, 2x12, and 2x13 are referenced in this chapter.
> 
> Girl Wednesday (Installment 41) takes place between chapter 2 and 3.  
> 2014* This Time Last Year (installment 44) and We've Got Tonight (installment 85) take place after this section.  
> 2014** Five Nights, Five Conversations (installment 105) and The First Time (installment 1) take place after this section.

**2013**

A loud buzzing hummed in Tommy’s ears. He could see Thea’s lips moving, but he couldn’t hear what she was saying. He rose from the table and moved towards the large window. Resting his head against the cold glass, he watched the media gathered in front of the courthouse. They were all waiting for the day’s exciting revelation, but they had no idea what bomb had just gone off.

“Tommy,” Moira said sharply.

He turned around slowly. Oliver and Moira were looking at him expectantly, “I’m sorry, I wasn’t listening. Did you ask me something?”

“Tommy, it was after your mother was gone. I promise, I never would’ve betrayed Rebecca,” Moira said with tears in her eyes.

Thea snorted, “I’m glad you wouldn’t betray Rebecca, but what about dad? How could you?”

“Speedy,” Oliver and Tommy said together. Tommy wondered if Thea had never realized what a philanderer her father really was.

“Dad cheated on mom – a lot,” Oliver said directly.

“Oliver,” Moira chastened her son.

“What, mom? I know we want to protect dad’s memory, but at what cost? Dad cheated on you. He wasn’t a good husband,” Oliver said sullenly.

Moira took Oliver and Thea’s hands, “Robert wasn’t the best of husbands for a portion of our marriage, but he was a devoted father and he loved you both. I made a mistake because I was angry with your father. He knew about it and he forgave me. We were able to move past it.”

She gestured for Tommy to join them at the table. He sat next to Oliver and Moira moved her hand so it covered both of theirs. “I never wanted the three of you to find out because I didn’t want to cause any of you pain. I love the three of you so much.”

Moira’s words helped Tommy make the decision he’d been agonizing about for months. He stood up and opened the door to the corridor. He gestured for Jean Loring to return to the room. “I want you to put me on the stand,” Tommy said as soon as he closed the door behind Moira’s lawyer.

“No, absolutely not,” Moira said to Jean. “Tommy isn’t going anywhere near that stand.”

Tommy braced both hands on the table, “I can tell everyone what kind of monster he was. I can give weight to why you were afraid of him.”

“Tommy, stop talking,” Jean said firmly. “I’m not your lawyer and if you’re about to admit that you knew about the Undertaking, but didn’t say anything, we need to get you a lawyer.”

“Tommy didn’t know anything about the Undertaking,” Oliver said.

“Then what are you talking about?” Jean asked Tommy.

“He’s not talking about anything,” Moira insisted, grabbing Tommy’s hand. “I’ve already told you no, multiple times.”

“They’re asking for the death penalty. Let me save you,” Tommy pleaded with Moira. “I can save you.”

Moira shook her head, “If you tell them about the abuse, they’re going to ask for proof.”

“Abuse?” Jean asked with shock. “What abuse?”

Moira stood up and clasped Tommy’s face, “My sweet boy, they will subpoena your medical records – all of your records.”

Tommy knew what Moira was afraid of, he was afraid of it too. Everyone would know about his suicide attempts – including Thea and Oliver. He smiled bravely at her, and deflected, “It was all in the papers, anyway. They can’t hurt me.” His suicide attempts weren’t public knowledge but his excessive use of alcohol and drugs was well documented.

“Oliver,” Jean said, “I need you and Thea to step out of the room for a minute.”

“What?” Thea folded her arms across her chest. “Tommy did a lot of drugs – it’s not a secret.”

“Come on, Speedy,” Oliver held out his hand, “let’s get a cup of coffee for everyone.”

“Fine,” Thea huffed.

“What’s in your medical records you don’t want anyone to know?” Jean asked as soon as the door closed.

Tommy opened his mouth but the words wouldn’t form. Moira took hold of his hand, “You don’t have to tell anyone. No one ever needs to know.”

The look of concern on the lawyer’s face reminded him that she’d watched him grow up. Her daughter Anna had been two years ahead of him in school. “Did Malcolm sexually abuse you?” Jean asked.

“No, it was just your run of the mill psychological and physical abuse,” Tommy answered.

“Were your injuries ever severe enough for you to seek medical treatment?” Jean asked as she took notes.

Tommy sat down, “Yes, but I never told anyone but Ollie the truth about how I was injured. He broke my ribs. He gave me this scar,” he pointed to his eyebrow. “He fractured my cheekbone and knocked me unconscious a few times.”

“Moira? Did you know about this?” Jean asked with shock.

“God help me,” Moira clasped Tommy’s hand, “I suspected, but I didn’t know for sure until he was seventeen.”

“Why? What happened when you were seventeen?” Jean asked Tommy.

“I tried to kill myself,” he answered.

“Oh, Tommy,” Jean put her pen down.

“Dr. Lam can testify to the injuries he saw when he was treating me for the overdose and carbon monoxide poisoning, but I told him they were from random fights,” Tommy said sadly. “I think Dr. Lam took photos.” He looked to Jean, “I was too afraid to tell the truth. I thought he’d kill me if I ever told anyone what was happening.” Tommy looked away with shame. Not for the first time, he wished he’d been braver when he could’ve actually done something to stop his dad.

“We’d be opening the door for the DA to walk through. I can’t promise the suicide attempt won’t be introduced,” Jean said.

“Ollie already knows, I’d just need to tell Thea what happened before I go on the stand,” Tommy said to Moira.

“Do you want to talk about Colorado on the stand?” Moira challenged him.

Tommy hung his head. He wanted to go to the grave without Oliver or Thea learning the truth about what he’d done leading up to Colorado, but he wanted Moira alive more than keeping his secret. He looked Moira in the eyes, “I will gladly tell everyone what I did if it means you don’t die.”

Moira shook her head, “You are Malcolm’s son. The DA will want to hurt you – to punish you. All those people out there would gladly see you tried for your father’s crimes. Above everything, Donner is a man with political ambitions - he will use all of this against you.”

Tommy took her hands, “Nothing can hurt worse than what my dad did to me or losing Ollie. I survived, both times. I can take some name calling. It’s all right. Let me do this for you.” He smiled, “The truth can’t hurt me – not anymore. I don’t want to lose you.”

“I didn’t protect you then, but I can protect you now.” Moira sat up straight, “I forbid it. Tommy is not to take the stand.”

“But, Moira, you have to let me testify,” Tommy intreated. “Oliver and Thea need you. I need you. Please.” He turned to her lawyer, “Jean, tell her that my testimony will help her.”

“Moira, Tommy’s testimony would corroborate your assertion that you were afraid for your life and the lives of Oliver and Thea,” Jean attempted to reason. “It would go a long way to letting the jury know how dangerous Malcolm was to the people around him.”

“No, I won’t hear of it. We’re done discussing it,” Moira averted her eyes. “I’ll testify. If the jury doesn’t believe me, so be it. Five hundred and three people are dead. Someone needs to answer for it.”

Tommy got up from his chair and shouted, “So he just gets away with it? Someone else always pays for his sins – I’m sick of it.”

The door opened and a guard stuck his head into the room, “Everything all right in here?”

“Everything is fine,” Jean reassured the guard.

Oliver and Thea entered the room before the guard could shut the door. Oliver looked between his mom and Tommy, “What’s going on?”

“I’m done letting my dad take the people I love away from me. He’s not getting you too,” Tommy said to Moira. “If you won’t let me testify, I will go to Adam Donner myself and tell him everything.”

“Tommy,” Moira reached for his hand, but he pulled away.

“How can you ask me to stay quiet? What if they sentence you to death and there was something I could’ve done to prevent it, but I didn’t because I was hiding behind your skirts like a frightened child? How could I live with myself? How will Oliver and Thea be able to look at me if I could’ve done something and I didn’t?” Tommy took a deep breath to try to get control of his emotions. When he was calmer he spoke softly, “I appreciate that you want to protect me, but I’m no longer a child and I’m getting on that stand and there’s nothing you can do to stop me. No one else is dying because of my father.” Tommy stormed from the room and was immediately swallowed up by the crowd lingering outside the courtroom.

Tommy could hear Oliver calling his name, but he needed time to think. He needed to figure out a way to get on the stand, but first, he needed to figure out how to tell Oliver the truth.

 

**2007**

Tommy knocked softly on Thea’s bedroom door, “Speedy, you up?”

He waited fifteen seconds for any sign of movement behind the closed door. When there wasn’t any sign of life, he opened the door. “Thea, it’s Tommy. I’m coming in.”

Thea’s bedroom was completely dark and it took a moment for Tommy’s eyes to adjust. He carefully navigated the room, avoiding piles of discarded clothing, stuffed animals and books. Tommy sat on the edge of Thea’s bed and felt around the covers for the lump of a twelve-year-old girl with a broken heart. His hand landed on Thea’s bony hip, “Speedy, you need to get up.”

“Don’t make me go,” her thin voice pleaded.

Tommy bit the inside of his cheek to keep himself from crying. Thea needed him to be strong. Ollie needed him to be strong. “I wish we didn’t have to go, Thea, but we do. Your mom needs you. I need you.”

Thea pushed the covers off from over her head. Her hair was a matted mess and her eyes were swollen and bloodshot. “If we go, we’re saying they’re really dead.” She shook her head, “I don’t want to say goodbye.”

“Then we won’t say goodbye. We’ll just tell them how much we love and miss them.” He lifted her into a sitting position, “You need to take a shower. Do you know what you want to wear?”

Thea tilted her head up to look at him, her eyes swimming in tears, “You’ll stay with me the whole day?”

He held out his hand and she slipped her small hand into his, “I won’t let go of you all day. You’ll get sick of me. Okay?”

“I don’t want to talk to anyone,” she rested her head against his chest.

“You won’t have to talk to anyone,” he promised.

She ran a finger down the blue tie he was wearing, “This is Ollie’s.”

“It is,” he said as a tear leaked from his eye. “I wanted to have him close to me.” He kissed the top of her head, “Do you want me to go find something of his for you to hold onto?”

Thea swung her legs over the side of the bed. She kissed his cheek, “I already have you.”

Tommy hugged her tightly, “We’re going to get through this, I promise.”

Thea let go of him and disappeared into her bathroom. Tommy opened her closet and sorted through her dresses. He picked out two that he thought were funeral appropriate and laid them across her bed. He knocked on the bathroom door, “I’m going to go check on your mom. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

“Okay,” Thea shouted over the running water.

In the hallway, Tommy ran into Raisa. She was carrying a tray with coffee and fresh fruit. “Mister Tommy,” she said sadly. “I was bringing this to Mrs. Queen.”

Tommy took the tray from Raisa, “I’ll bring it to her. Thea’s in the shower. Can you bring her a tray with fresh fruit and a croissant with strawberry preserves? I want her to eat before we leave.”

“Can I get you anything, Mr. Tommy?” Raisa asked kindly.

Tommy’s eyes filled with tears. No one could get him what he wanted. “No, thank you.”

Tommy rapped his knuckles against Moira’s door three times.

“Come in,” Moira said.

She was sitting in front of her vanity wearing a silk robe. She caught his eye in her mirror, “Oh, Tommy. I didn’t realize you arrived.”

He entered the room and placed the tray on her coffee table. “I spent the night,” he reminded her. “Coffee?”

“Yes, of course, I knew that. It’s good of you to be looking after Thea,” she said robotically.

Tommy brought her a cup of coffee and sat it on her vanity table. “Thea’s in the shower. She’ll be ready on time.”

Moira took hold of his hand and squeezed it, “You’re a good boy, Tommy.”

“Is there anything I can do for you? People you need me to call? Arrangements that need to be confirmed?” he offered. Moira was acting like nothing had happened. He was worried about what would happen when she finally allowed herself to feel something.

She shook her head, “No, Ms. Daniels and Mr. Steele have taken care of all that for me.”

Tommy smiled sadly, “I’ll get out of your hair.”

Moira stood up and led him over to her dresser. She opened a drawer and removed a large wooden box with a lid and several small drawers. She began to open and close the small compartments until she found what she was looking for. She removed a pair of platinum cufflinks and placed them on the dresser. She turned Tommy, lifted his wrists and removed the cufflinks he was wearing. She picked up the jewelry and held them in her open palm. “Robert ordered these the day Oliver was born. He wore them whenever he wanted good luck for a meeting. He planned on giving them to Oliver on his graduation day. I want you to have them.” Moira started to put the first link through his cuff.

“Moira, I can’t accept these,” he tried to pull away.

“Nonsense,” she said as she finished his first cuff. “Robert loved you and he would want you to have them.”

“But they’re Ollie’s,” Tommy protested with mounting panic. If he accepted something that was meant for Oliver, it would mean he was accepting that he was gone.

Moira place her hand flat over Tommy’s heart, “They would both want you to have them.” She pulled a tissue from her pocket and wiped the tears that were falling from his eyes, “Oliver loved you so much.”

For a moment, the way Moira was looking at him, he thought she knew the truth about him and Ollie. Tommy nodded and held out his other wrist, “Okay.”

Moira finished putting in the second cufflink. She kissed Tommy’s cheek. “You’re a good son and an even better brother to Thea. We’re lucky to have you.”

Tommy held up his wrist to get a closer look at the cufflinks. They were square with a, Q, engraved in the same font as the QC logo. His whole life he’d wanted to be a, Queen, and with Robert and Oliver’s death, Moira was making him one. His father would be furious if he ever saw Tommy wearing them. He felt something settle into place deep inside. With Oliver and Robert gone, he’d need to step up and look after Moira and Thea. He vowed to himself that he wasn’t going to let Oliver or Robert down. “Thank you.”

“I’ll see you and Thea in the car,” she said as she returned to her vanity.

 

**2013**

Verdant was dark when Tommy stepped through the employee entrance. “Roy,” he called out as he flipped the light switch, but the lights didn’t turn on. Roy had texted him to say that there was an emergency at the club. He didn’t have time for an emergency, he was due to testify in less than two hours. He hadn’t slept at all the night before. He’d tossed and turned as he questioned his decision not to tell Oliver and Thea the truth about what had happened while Oliver was away. There was a chance that Adam Donner didn’t have the information from Colorado, and Tommy wasn’t going to tell Oliver unless he absolutely had to. Tommy had chosen to hold onto Oliver as long as he could. It didn’t matter how Oliver learned the truth, once he did, there would be no forgiveness for Tommy.

A crash in the loading bay drew his attention. He used the light from his cell to guide him to the darkened bay. “Roy,” he shouted.

A muffled noise came from the storage room and he stormed across the bay, “I swear to God, if you are in there with Speedy fooling around.” He walked into the darkened room, “Roy?”

A noise from the bay made the hair on the back of his neck stand up. He moved to leave the storage room, but the door slammed close. He pulled on the handle, but it didn’t move. He banged on the door, “Roy? Is someone there?”

Tommy went to call Roy, but he didn’t have any reception. He slowly shuffled through the storage room, looking for a signal. “Damn it,” he swore into the darkness. He needed to get to the courthouse.

“Roy,” he pounded on the door.

Two hours later, Tommy sat on the floor of the storage room, his suit jacket and tie resting on a storage shelf. As he sat in the dark twiddling his thumbs, his name was being called to testify to support Moira’s assertion that Malcolm was a monster and there’d been no other choice for her than to comply with his threats. Moira, Oliver and Thea were relying on his testimony, and he was failing them. He was experiencing absolute despair and rage simultaneously. Roy had called him into Verdant, and was going to be in court supporting Thea. Tommy couldn’t understand how someone hadn’t come looking for him yet. His car was in the parking lot. There were only so many places he could be in the club. Tommy prayed that Jean would be able to get the judge to grant them a recess so they could find him.

Tommy woke with a start. He tapped on his cell to check the time, but the battery was dead. He had no idea how long he’d been locked in the storage closet.

“Tommy,” he heard Oliver call.

Tommy scrambled to his feet and pounded on the door, “Ollie. I’m in here. Oliver.”

“Tommy,” Oliver’s voice shouted through the door.

Tears sprang to Tommy’s eyes, “Yes, I’m in here.”

“Are you okay?” Oliver asked.

Tommy’s hand flattened against the door. His voice failed him. Moira was probably going to be executed because of him. He was going to lose the only family he had left.

“Hang on,” Oliver said. “I need to get something to open the door.”

“I’m here,” Felicity reassured him through the door. “Oliver will be right back.”

Tommy leaned against the door and waited for Oliver to return with the key.

“Tommy, I need you to move as far from the door as you can. Put your coat over your head and get on the floor,” Oliver instructed.

“What’s going on?” Tommy asked with mounting concern.

“Please, just do what I ask,” Oliver said. “Tell me when you’re clear.”

Tommy grabbed his suit jacket and huddled in the corner furthest from the door. “Okay,” he shouted.

“Cover your ears,” Oliver shouted.

Tommy put his hands over his ears and braced himself for whatever surprise Oliver had for him. He waited for thirty seconds before there was a large bang. Light and fresh air spilled into the room. He shielded his eyes as he rose to his feet.

Felicity’s arms were around his waist, “Are you okay? You scared the hell out of us.”

Oliver stood in the doorway, with a blank expression on his face.

“Ollie, I’m so sorry,” Tommy started.

Oliver held his hand up, “The jury acquitted her.”

“What?” Tommy asked with disbelief. He couldn’t have heard Oliver correctly. “The jury convicted her.”

“No,” Oliver shook his head, stepping into the room, “the jury let her go – on all charges. She’s home right now.”

“How is that possible?” Tommy couldn’t believe it. They’d all been expecting Moira to serve time, they were just hoping the jury wouldn’t recommend the death penalty.

“Right now I’m more interested in learning who lured you here, locked you in, and broke the key off in the door,” Oliver said.

“Oliver, someone put a signal jammer in here,” Felicity held up a small device.

The light was no longer blinding Tommy, giving him his first good look at Oliver and Felicity, and what he saw made a pit appear in his stomach. Oliver was in his suit pants and a white t-shirt with blood staining his sleeve. Felicity’s normally immaculate ponytail was askew, and it looked like she’d been crying. “What happened to you two?”

“Count Vertigo contaminated the flu shot supply, causing a lot of people to develop an instantaneous addiction to Vertigo, including Diggle - I didn’t want to bother Oliver because of the trial, and you missing, so I investigated - the Count caught me breaking into one of the mobile health clinics, he took me hostage at QC, he figured out Oliver must be the Arrow, he shot Oliver, he threatened to inject me with an overdose of Vertigo, Oliver killed him, QC worked up a cure, so everyone should be okay,” Felicity said in one breath.

Tommy didn’t know who to check on first. Felicity was closest. “Are you okay?” he asked as his eyes roved over her body. They landed on her wrists and he hissed at the evidence of her being restrained. He reached for her slowly and took her hands in his, “Are you in pain?” He fought the urge to kiss her wrists better.

“I’m fine, they’re just a little sore,” she smiled reassuringly.

“I’m sorry,” Tommy said as he pulled her into his arms, “I should’ve been here.”

“That’s the thing,” Felicity said, “you were, but no one wanted us to know.”

“My car is in the lot,” Tommy said with confusion.

“It isn’t,” Oliver said gruffly. “It was found this afternoon, torched under the Bay Bridge.”

“What?” Tommy asked with distress. “Your dad gave me that car.”

“It’s a stupid car, Tommy. We thought,” Felicity’s voice caught and she couldn’t continue.

“We thought someone took you because of the Undertaking,” Oliver finished Felicity’s sentence.

The blood on Oliver’s sleeve caught Tommy’s attention, “You were shot.” He couldn’t stop himself from reaching for Oliver.

Oliver hugged Tommy first, “It was just a graze.” He squeezed Tommy hard before letting go, “I thought I might never see you again.”

“I’m fine, just a little hungry,” Tommy said feebly.

“Someone didn’t want Tommy testifying,” Felicity said to Oliver.

“Moira?” Tommy asked.

Oliver shook his head, “No, she was frantic when you didn’t show up in court. She wanted me to file a missing person’s report. When she was acquitted, the first thing she said to me was to find you.”

“Roy sent me a text,” Tommy said, trying to make sense of the new information.

“He didn’t,” Felicity said. “Your phone was hacked. Someone lured you here.”

“We’re not going to solve this tonight,” Oliver said. “Felicity, you need to go home and get some sleep.”

“I’ll come with you,” Tommy offered. “You shouldn’t be alone tonight.”

“You’re coming home with me,” Oliver squeezed his shoulder. “Mom’s orders.”

“I’ll go see Moira, and then I’ll come over,” Tommy told Felicity.

She kissed his cheek, “The Count is dead. I’m safe. I’m going to go home, take a very hot shower, and then go straight to bed. You should get something to eat. We’ll figure out who did this, tomorrow.”

“Promise me that you’ll call if you need something,” Tommy requested.

“I promise,” Felicity yawned.

“Come on,” Oliver ushered them out of the storage room, “let’s get out of here.”

Felicity stepped past Oliver, her heels echoing through the bay.

Tommy took hold of Oliver’s uninjured arm. “Are you okay?” he asked gently.

“I told you, it’s just a graze,” Oliver squeezed Tommy’s shoulder.

“I don’t mean your arm.” Tommy lowered his voice, “You killed someone tonight. You broke your vow.”

“He had Felicity. He was going to kill her. There was no choice to make,” Oliver replied.

Tommy nodded. He completely agreed with Oliver’s decision to save Felicity over keeping his vow to stop killing. “I’m just relieved you’re both okay,” he said with a small smile.

“It’s safe to say, we’re all relieved that we’re all okay,” Oliver responded.

“I should probably clean this up before the staff shows up in the morning,” Tommy said as he assessed the damage from Oliver’s exploding arrow.

“We’ll deal with it in the morning,” Oliver clapped Tommy on the back. “I promised mom we’d be home an hour ago.”

 

**2007**

The small church was filled to capacity with mourners.  People stood along the walls and in the aisles to share in their grief over the death of Sara Dinah Lance.  Tommy recognized many of his former classmates squeezed into the pews and standing four deep at the back of the church.  He squeezed himself into a corner and did his best to avoid eye contact with anyone.

Robert and Oliver were receiving sympathetic coverage in the press, but Sara was being pilloried.  Sara's death had been quite the scandal and she'd been demonized in the press as a heartless bitch who ran away with her sister's boyfriend and got what she deserved. Tommy hoped the people in attendance were there because they loved Sara and not because they were hoping to participate in the scandal of the decade.

Moira sat with Walter Steele five pews behind the Lances.  Her back was ramrod straight and her eyes were firmly on Sara's empty casket.  Tommy had arrived with Moira and Walter, but he needed some time to regain his composure.  Robert and Oliver's funeral had been almost more than he could bear.  He wasn't ready to say goodbye to another friend, especially one he had failed so profoundly.

Tommy's eyes eventually made it to the first pew.  Laurel sat between her parents, strangely emotionless, as both her parents wept. Grief gripped his heart as he watched her. He couldn't imagine being in Laurel's shoes. She'd lost her sister and her boyfriend in one terrible moment and learned that two of the people she'd loved most, had betrayed her, together. Laurel was strong, but he wasn't sure if she was strong enough to survive the nightmare they were all living. He wished he could talk to her. He wished they could grieve together.

Sara's funeral was brief, but stirring.  Her parents spoke with love and pride, and her friends shared heartfelt stories.  Tommy could feel the eyes of their classmates watching him, expecting him to speak, as he'd done at Oliver's.  He wanted to speak, but Tommy always made people think of Oliver, and the Lances didn't need to be reminded of Oliver today. There were so many things Tommy wanted to say, but mostly he wanted to beg for Sara’s forgiveness.  He should've tried harder to keep her from getting on the Gambit.  He should've told her that he was in love with Oliver. He might not have been able to save Oliver, but he could've saved Sara.

Sara's casket was followed by her parents and Laurel. The mourner's filed out of the church in a somber procession.  Laurel's gaze found his and her blank face transformed to rage. 

Tommy debated not going through the receiving line.  He didn’t want to upset Laurel, but he also wanted to tell Mr. and Mrs. Lance that he was sorry for their loss.

Laurel spotted him in the line and stomped away from the people paying their respects. "How dare you show your face here.  Did you know about Ollie and Sara?  Did you know she was going on the trip?" she shouted.

Tommy was aware that every eye was on them, "Yes."

Laurel gasped, "Why didn't you tell me?"

"They were my friends - it was Ollie," he said sadly. There wasn't any universe where Tommy would've betrayed Oliver's trust.

Tears spilled from her eyes, "I thought we were friends."

"We are," Tommy said sincerely. "I didn't want you to get hurt."

Laurel slapped him hard, "Fuck you, Tommy Merlyn."

Dinah took hold of Laurel's arm and tried to redirect her back to her father, "You're making a scene."

Moira took hold of Tommy's arm, "Let's go home. We don't need to upset the Lances any further."

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Lance. I loved Sara," Tommy said, losing his battle to maintain his composure.

"I know, Tommy," Dinah patted his arm.  "Thank you.  Thank you for coming."

Moira linked her arm through Tommy's, "Come on, Walter is waiting for us."

"I loved them both," Tommy told Moira.  "I asked them both not to go.  I did, I swear it."

"I know you did," Moira squeezed his arm. "None of this is your fault."

Tommy wished Moira's words were true. He should've tried harder.

**2014***

Tommy sleepily shuffled through the Queen mansion foyer. It had been another late night at the Club. The sun was already up and Tommy hadn’t been to bed. Ever since Moira had been acquitted, he’d been splitting his time between staying at the mansion or his place. He’d been on his way to his apartment when Oliver texted and asked him to meet at the mansion.

“Tommy, dear,” Moira said as she stepped into the foyer. “Would you please check on Thea on your way by her room? She’s been acting strange since last night and refuses to leave her room.”

Tommy’s eyes drifted to the stairs. He could think of one reason, a very short reason, Thea was locked in her room and refusing to come out. “Yeah, I’ll check on her,” he said as he accepted a kiss on his cheek as he passed by Moira.

“Get some sleep. You look terrible,” Moira called after him.

Tommy’s fist pounded on Thea’s door three times, “Thea Dearden Queen, open this door.”

“Go away,” Thea shouted.

“Speedy, open this door or I will knock it down,” he said with far more conviction than he felt.

The door opened a few inches, Thea grabbed his arm and wrenched him into her room. “Do you want to bet that you can knock my door down?” she asked sarcastically.

Tommy’s attention was completely focused on the presence of Roy Harper sprawled across Thea’s bed. It took him a moment to realize another person was in the room with them or that Roy had an arrow sticking out of his leg.

“Oh my god,” Thea smacked his arm, “are you smiling?”

“What?” Tommy asked. “Of course not.”

“Oh my god,” she smacked his chest, “you’re still smiling. That crazy hood guy shot Roy.”

Tommy couldn’t stop himself from laughing – not that he tried that hard. “What did you do?” he asked Roy. “Hold up a liquor store?”

“Nice,” Roy grimaced. “Your compassion is noted. He shot me for no reason.”

Tommy didn’t believe that for a second. He knew why he’d put an arrow through Roy, he just wasn’t sure if Oliver’s reasons would be the same. He turned to Thea, “Were you there?”

“No,” Thea said.

“Who are you?” Tommy asked the young woman sitting next to Roy holding a very expensive bottle of scotch.

Thea rolled her eyes, “This is my friend, Sin. This is my - Tommy.”

“Hey,” Sin said with a small wave.

Tommy cocked a single eyebrow, “Is there a reason you’re bleeding all over fine Egyptian cotton linens instead of on a gurney at the hospital?”

Before Roy could answer there was a knock on the door. “Speedy, it’s Ollie. Open the door,” Oliver said with a chipper voice.

Thea looked at Tommy with panic. He gave Thea a gentle push towards the door, “Let your brother in. I can’t wait to see this.” He was half-tempted to take out his cell and record the scene that was about to unfold for times when he needed to be cheered up.

 

**2007**

Tommy watched the waves crash against the rocks as the sun rose over the bay. He took a deep breath and the smell of the salt water flooded his senses. He closed his eyes and leaned against the windshield of his car, allowing the sound of the waves to lull him to sleep.

“Miss me?” Oliver asked as he sat beside Tommy.

“You’re late,” Tommy accused. “In another few minutes, I would’ve been gone.”

Oliver smiled and held up a bottle of Jack Daniels, “I told you I had a stop to make.”

Tommy opened the bottle and took a large swig of the whiskey which burned his throat and warmed his chest. He held the bottle out to Oliver, “I guess you’re forgiven.”

A sharp pain in his chest made Tommy take a sharp breath. A memory was struggling to break through, but Tommy didn’t want any part of it. He didn’t want to remember the truth, he wanted to live the lie as long as he could. He wanted to stay in a dream where Oliver was alive and smiling at him.

Oliver took a drink and handed the bottle back to Tommy. He drank deeply, as he greedily took in Oliver’s appearance. Oliver took the bottle back, “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“I want to remember everything,” Tommy threaded his fingers through Oliver’s, “what you sound like – what you look like – what you smell like - what you feel like.”

Oliver laughed, “Buddy, you see me every day.”

Tommy shook his head, “I’m dreaming. You’re dead.”

Oliver became serious and leaned into Tommy, “Listen carefully. I’m not dead. I’m alive. I will never leave you.”

“I miss you so much,” Tommy ran his fingers through Oliver’s hair.

“I miss you too,” Oliver brushed his lips against Tommy’s. “I’m going to come home to you.”

“Promise me,” Tommy whispered against Oliver’s lips.

“I promise.”

Oliver rolled into the cradle of Tommy’s legs and then captured his lips in a hungry kiss. Tommy ran his legs up the back of Oliver’s legs, trying to bring him closer. Oliver broke their kiss and sat up on his knees. He deftly undid Tommy’s belt and pulled his jeans and underwear over his hips. He took Tommy inside his mouth and Tommy buried his hands in Oliver’s hair.

“Ollie,” Tommy shouted as his eyes flew open. It took him a moment to realize that he was in his bed at his father’s house and not at Bay Point with Oliver. The dream had been vivid and he didn’t want to wake up from it. He could still feel the scratch of Oliver’s stubble on his face, the taste of the whiskey on his tongue, and hear Oliver saying the words, _I’m alive_. Not since the Gambit sank had Tommy felt this calm and at peace. Oliver was alive. He was certain of it. He turned on his bedside lamp and studied the map of the South China Sea he’d covered his bedroom wall with. Oliver was out there, he just needed to figure out where.

Tommy reached for his laptop. He was going to set news alerts for China, Hong Kong and Taiwan for any reports of rescued sailors. He was also going to change Oliver’s email account settings to alert him if Oliver logged onto his account. While his laptop was booting, he decided to take a shower to take care of the situation Oliver had left him with. He chuckled softly as he got out of bed. Oliver was alive. Tommy hoped wherever Oliver was, his friend was as horny as he was.

 

**2014**

Sara let go of Tommy’s arm and began to walk backwards, “You’re honestly telling me that you and Ollie never had sex?”

Tommy and Sara had gone for dinner at a hole in the wall Chinese restaurant and were walking along the bay on their way back to his apartment. He sighed, “Ollie and I have never had sex.”

A mischievous grin spread across her face, “What’s your definition of sex?”

“I imagine it’s the same as everyone else’s,” Tommy stated.

“I highly doubt that.” She tapped her finger against her lips, “Has Ollie ever given you an orgasm? I’ll share first,” she said eagerly. “He’s given me several. Now it’s your turn.”

Tommy rubbed his face, “I can’t believe we’re having this conversation.”

“Don’t evade the question Merlyn. Has Ollie ever given you an orgasm?”

Tommy grabbed Sara’s arm and redirected her before she walked into a lamppost, “Yes, Ollie has given me an orgasm.”

Sara clapped her hands, “Now we’re getting somewhere. Have you ever given Ollie an orgasm?”

“Yes,” he answered.

“With your?” she wiggled her fingers.

Tommy shook his head.

“With your?” she stuck out her tongue.

Tommy shook his head.

Sara’s brow furrowed and she frowned. She looked him up and down several times before her eyes went wide with understanding, “Oh, my God. You dry humped.” She grabbed his arm and hugged it, “If I didn’t think you were the most adorable thing before, I definitely think it now.”

“I’m glad my years of sexual confusion are amusing to you,” he said sullenly.

“You’ve never been with any other guy than Ollie?” she asked with disbelief.

Tommy looked at his feet, “There was a guy my last semester at Harvard. We fooled around for a couple of weeks.”

“More dry humping?” she winked.

“No – we,” he rolled his eyes and then stuck out his tongue.

“Thank God,” Sara laughed. “This story was starting to depress me. I was worried you were going to tell me you’ve been celibate since the Gambit.”

Tommy was grateful it was dark, so Sara couldn’t see him turning red, “I had sex while Ollie was gone.”

“I know – with my sister,” she said with some bite, letting go of his arm.

Tommy stopped walking. She turned around and raised her eyebrow.

“Do we need to talk about this?” he asked with concern.

“Did you have sex with her to punish Ollie or to punish me?” Sara asked.

“Neither. At first, I had sex with Laurel because I was lonely and she made me feel less lonely,” Tommy admitted. “After, it was because I loved her.”

Sara stood in front of him, “My dad says you were in love – that you were both in love.”

Tommy nodded his head, “I was in love with her. I think she was falling in love with me, but…”

“Ollie came home,” Sara finished his sentence.

“Yeah, Ollie came home,” Tommy agreed. “It got complicated.”

Sara looped her arm back through Tommy’s, “Maybe it wouldn’t be so complicated if you just told Ollie that you’re in love with him.”

“Whatever we shared before the Gambit, that’s all over now. I’ve moved on. Oliver’s moved on,” Tommy insisted.

“Yeah, you’ve both moved on to a very sexy IT girl,” Sara’s eyebrows danced across her forehead.

Tommy repeated his new mantra, “Felicity and I are just friends.”

“Do you even believe a quarter of the bullshit that comes out of your mouth?” Sara challenged.

Tommy was about to protest as they stepped beneath a footbridge. A figure, right out of Cirque de Soleil, rolled down a large length of ribbon. Sara pushed him behind her and took up a defensive stance, a knife in her right hand.

A hooded figure dressed in black stood in front of Sara and said, “Ta-er al Sahfer, I’ve come to take you home.” The woman lowered the scarf that covered her nose and mouth.

“Nyssa,” Sara whispered before she launched herself at the woman.

It took a moment for Tommy to realize that Sara hadn’t lunged at Nyssa to drive her knife into her chest, but to stick her tongue down his would-be assassin’s throat. He wasn’t sure if he was more offended that Sara was making out with the woman who had tried to poison him, or that Sara hadn’t made any introductions.

Tommy cleared his throat, but he was ignored.

Tommy cleared his throat again, loudly.

Sara and Nyssa broke apart.

Tommy held out his hand towards Nyssa, “Hi, I’m Tommy Merlyn. The man you tried to poison. You sure do know how to make an entrance.”

Nyssa looked at Tommy’s hand with disdain. She began to circle him, “You are the son of Al Sa-Her.”

“If you mean Malcolm Merlyn, then yes, I’m his son,” Tommy said without moving.

“You are far less impressive than Oliver Queen,” she said as she came to a stop in front of him.

Logically, he knew that the woman standing before him was dangerous, she had tried to kill him, but Sara was in love with her. It was hard to be afraid of anyone who made Sara blush. Tommy struggled to keep a straight face, “Yeah, I get that a lot.”

“This one was not a lover?” Nyssa asked Sara.

Sara grinned, “No, but he is one hell of a kisser.”

“Icks -nay on the issing-kay. She tried to ill-kay e-may,” Tommy reminded Sara in a loud aside.

Sarah snorted.

“I was attempting to get Ta-er al Sahfer’s attention,” Nyssa said plainly.

“Well,” Tommy rocked back on his heels, “I can’t speak for Sara, but you definitely got mine. What brings you to Starling City?”

“My business is not with you,” Nyssa said coldly.

Tommy slung his arm over Sara’s shoulder, “I don’t think my friend wants to go back. That makes it my business.”

Nyssa looked confused, “Is he trying to provoke me into killing him or is he stupid?”

“Definitely the latter,” he answered.

“It is unsurprising your father preferred my company to yours when we were children,” Nyssa said with what Tommy could only describe as fond nostalgia. “Were you always this foolish?”

Tommy wasn’t sure which was harder to believe, that Nyssa was ever a child, or, that someone had fond memories of his father. “To be honest, I wish he’d spent more time in your company.”

“This man is a friend?” Nyssa asked doubtfully. “He is odd.”

“It’s all part of his charm,” Sara gave him a playful wink.

“Walk with me, Sara. We have much to discuss,” Nyssa held out her hand.

Sara kissed Tommy’s cheek, “I’m going to talk with Nyssa. I’ll call you later.”

“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.” Tommy took her hand. “We’re all willing to fight for you.”

“I’ll call you later,” Sara took Nyssa’s hand as she let go of Tommy’s.

A small sense of panic clawed at his chest as he watched Sara walk away. “Don’t leave without saying goodbye,” he shouted after them.

Sara lifted her hand, but said nothing. Tommy hoped that wasn’t her goodbye.

**2008**

“What’s wrong?” Thea asked for the tenth time as she held Tommy’s hand as they exited her school. Her brow was furrowed and there was fear in her eyes.

“Nothing’s wrong, Speedy,” he said with a grin. “I thought it would be fun to play hookie.”

Thea stopped walking, “You broke me out of school?”

“Technically, I’m an adult who has the authority to sign you out of school. Your departure from the building is completely on the up and up,” he said as he held the passenger door of his Porsche open for her.

Thea looked at him skeptically, “I can’t believe my mom has you on the list.”

“I know,” he said seriously, “she should totally know better.”

“Where are we going?” Thea asked eagerly, tucking a loose piece of his hair beneath Ollie’s knit cap.

“It’s your day. Where do you want to go?” he asked with his hand on the ignition. “Your wish is my command.”

Thea chewed her lip as she weighed her options, “Are you still taking me shopping this weekend?”

“Yes.”

“Um,” she tapped her fingers against her lips. “Oh, can we go to the beach? I want to see the sea lions and eat ice cream.”

The Porsche roared to life, “Sea lions and ice cream, here we come.”

“And funnel cake,” she said hopefully.

“As much funnel cake as you can eat,” he reached across her and seatbelted her in.

He raced down the long, tree-lined drive of her school. The top was down on his convertible and Thea sat with her arms straight over her head. Her long brown hair whipped about her face and she was laughing. It had been too long since he’d seen her smile, let alone laugh. His only goal for the day was to make her laugh and he’d been able to accomplish that before they even left the school grounds. They were going to have a great day.

**2014****

Tommy, Oliver and Thea followed Walter through the crowd that had been assembled to cheer on Moira’s announcement that she would be running for mayor. They found Moira standing very close to Felicity as she spoke with her.

“Are we ready?” Walter asked Moira.

Felicity, with shoulders hunched and eyes downcast, slunk between Tommy and Oliver. She tried to hide behind Walter.

Moira pulled her gaze from Felicity and took a calming breath, “As ready as I’ll ever be.”

Thea beamed at her mom as she linked their arms together, “You’re going to be the best mayor this city has ever had.”

Moira laughed, “Thank you, darling, but I need to convince all these people to vote for me first.”

The crowd of people cheering and waving, _Queen for Mayor_ , placards faded into the background. All Tommy had eyes for was Felicity. Whatever conversation they’d interrupted between Moira and Felicity had upset his friend. She was chewing her lip and her fingers were twisting in the hem of her sweater.

“It’s time,” Walter informed them as an aid whispered in his ear.

“Good luck, Queens,” Felicity said trying to put on a relaxed face.

“Yes,” Tommy roused himself and kissed Moira’s cheek, “break a leg.”

“You’re coming with us,” Moira informed him.

Tommy took a step back, “I don’t think that’s a good idea. No need to remind the masses of my dad on your big day.”

“Nonsense. You are not your father and I am not ashamed of you. You’re a member of this family. Isn’t that right, Walter?”

“Moira is right. You belong with your family,” Walter said.

A sound of distress escaped Felicity and her hand flew to cover her mouth. She began to walk away from their small group.

Tommy was already following after her, when he heard Oliver say, “We’ll be right there.”

Oliver strode past Tommy and took hold of Felicity’s elbow. “Fe-li-ci-ty,” he over enunciated. “What’s wrong?”

“Noth,” she began.

“Don’t say nothing,” Oliver gently chided her.

“It’s nothing. It can wait,” she smiled bravely. “Your mother is waiting.”

“Moira said something to upset you,” Tommy said.

Felicity looked at her feet before she lifted her head to look at them, “I don’t want to lose you – either of you.”

“Lose us?” Tommy’s heart began to race. He nervously glanced at Oliver who looked equally distressed. Tommy wasn’t ready for Felicity to pick Oliver. He knew it was inevitable, but he’d hoped he’d get to have her in his life a little longer.

Oliver took both of Felicity’s hands, “You’re not going to lose us.”

“You might’ve noticed I don’t talk a lot about my family,” she said to Oliver. Felicity smiled sheepishly at Tommy. They’d spent the whole summer talking about their families.

“I have noticed,” Oliver said kindly. “I didn’t think I should push, considering the things I don’t talk about.”

Felicity laughed nervously, “Well, my mother, she’s my mom and my dad, well, I don’t really know about him because he left when I was little and the thought of losing anyone again. I’m not brave like you are.”

“Hey,” Oliver took hold of her shoulders, “has something happened to your mom?”

Felicity shook her head sadly and her eyes drifted to the side of the stage where Moira was in conversation with Walter and her campaign manager. “No, not my mom. This is about your family – both your families.”

Tommy shifted to block Felicity’s line of sight to Moira, “You can tell us anything. I promise, nothing you can tell us will make us think of you differently.”

“Tommy’s right. You’re not going to lose us. Tell us what has you so worried,” Oliver coaxed gently.

“Later. I’ll tell you after this is over,” Felicity tried to slip from Oliver’s grasp.

“Felicity,” Oliver said a little more firmly. “Please, tell us now.”

Felicity’s eyes welled with tears. She took a deep breath and the words tumbled out, “I was trying to be helpful, honestly, I was. Last spring, I placed alerts on all the accounts your mom had used to support the Undertaking. I thought that it might be a way for us to find Malcolm, if Malcolm was alive like Tommy suspects. Last week, an alert went off on the Tempest account – the one used to pay for the warehouse the Gambit’s wreckage was stored in. The account was closed, but not before a payment was made to the doctor who delivered Thea. Why would your mom need to pay off the doctor who delivered Thea - unless there was something that doctor knew that she didn’t want to get out? Then I remembered at her trial that she admitted that she’d had an affair with Tommy’s dad and I did the math and it all lined up. I confronted Moira because I wanted her to tell you both the truth. She admitted it, but she told me that if I ever told either of you that you’d both blame me – hate me.” Felicity paused for breath, “Thea is both your sister.”

Tommy staggered backwards as if Felicity’s words were a physical blow. Oliver’s hand flashed out and grabbed hold of Tommy’s elbow and pulled him back towards them. Tommy looked to Oliver and then they both turned their heads towards their sister. Tommy swallowed a sob. It was a dream come true and his worst nightmare all rolled into one. “She can never know,” he whispered.

Oliver looked at him and clasped the back of his neck. “We need to keep it together. Are you okay?”

Tommy laughed at the absurdity of Oliver’s question. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Tommy had the best poker face in town. When he opened his eyes, he gave Oliver his best easy grin, “I’m fine. Let’s get your mom elected.”

Oliver snorted and shook his head in disbelief. He clapped Tommy on the back twice, “God, I wish I had your game face.”

Tommy kissed Felicity on the cheek, “I promise. We’re not mad at you. Everything is fine. We’ll have a drink later and talk this through – all three of us – together. Okay?”

Felicity nodded, “I’m so sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry about,” Oliver squeezed her shoulder.

Walter began to speak.

“You need to go,” Felicity pushed them into motion. “He’s about to introduce you, Oliver.”

Oliver and Tommy walked through the crowd side by side. They waved and shook hands as they made their way to the stage. They each kissed Moira’s cheek and flanked Thea. When Oliver began his introduction, Thea laced her fingers through Tommy’s and looked up at him with a smile that radiated pure happiness. A lump got caught in his throat as he looked at the face of his sister and he realized that his love for her was as absolute as it had been before Felicity told him the truth. He didn’t need a DNA test to tell him what he knew from the moment Moira placed her in his arms for the first time. Thea was his sister and he would do anything to protect her from that truth, even if it meant losing her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. Kudos and comments are always welcomed and appreciated. Hearing from you is my favorite part of the day.
> 
> On Wednesday, Walter is becoming more apart of their lives in the past, and Slade makes an appearance in the present.
> 
> Prompt requests are encouraged.
> 
> You can also come say hi to me on tumblr. http://realityisoverrated-fic.tumblr.com


	4. Ghosts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A man who was supposed to be dead returns to Oliver's life. Tommy has to deal with a ghost of his own. In the past, Tommy is trying to live without Oliver.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Episodes 2x14 and 2x15 are referenced in this chapter.
> 
> 2014* The end of, The First Time (installment 1), takes place a week before the events of this section.

**2008**

Tommy used the back of his sleeve to wipe the blood that was dripping from his upper lip. His dad’s ring had split Tommy’s lip when he used the back of his hand to slap him. Malcolm’s nostrils flared as he paced the length of the living room. They were having another argument about Tommy taking his place at Merlyn Global and it wasn’t going well.

“I want to work at mom’s clinic,” Tommy said again, trying to sound reasonable. “I think I can help raise money and improve community outreach. Maybe we can expand beyond the Glades. Pennytown could use a clinic too. Mom wanted to grow the clinic. She once took me to a location she was interested in buying.”

Malcolm stopped walking. “I don’t want to hear another word about your mother or that damned clinic. Do you understand?”

“She left the clinic to me,” Tommy needlessly reminded his father. “She wanted me to be involved. Merlyn Global doesn’t need me, mom’s clinic does.”

“She wanted you to be a doctor,” Malcolm sniped. “Thank goodness you’re too stupid and selfish to practice medicine. You are my heir, not your mother’s. You need to take your rightful place at Merlyn Global. It’s your legacy. I allowed you to defer your admittance to Stanford out of deference for your grief, but I’m done coddling you. We’re done discussing this. You’re starting with the company on Monday, my decision is final.”

Tommy hung his head. There was a part of him that wished he’d shared the same passion for medicine as his mom and grandfather, but he was way too squeamish to become a doctor. He fainted in sixth grade when they’d been given a frog to dissect in biology class. The last thing he wanted to do was dress up every day and put a smile on his face as he walked through the doors of Merlyn Global. Tommy was about to say something worthy of another slap when the front door opened and closed.

The last voice he wanted to hear called out, “Tommy. If you have a girl over, put your pants on.”

Malcolm rolled his eyes, “This isn’t over. We’ll discuss your assignment when your visitor is gone. And cut your hair before Monday, you look ridiculous.”

“There you are,” Thea said happily as she entered the room. “Oh, hi, Mr. Merlyn. I didn’t realize you were home.”

“Hello, Thea. I only returned this morning,” Malcolm said with a charming smile. “I have some calls to make. I’ll leave you children to it. Thea, please tell Moira I said hello.”

“Now’s not a good time,” Tommy said with his back to Thea.

“I had Amy’s mom drop me off. I thought we could go to the movies and to dinner,” Thea put her hand on his back.

Tommy flinched and pulled away, “Not tonight, Speedy. You should go home.”

“You’ll need to drive me,” she huffed.

“Fine,” Tommy checked his reflection in the window. There was no way to hide what had just happened. He removed the knit cap from his back pocket and pulled it low on his forehead. He turned slowly, but kept his chin down. “Let’s get you home.”

“Oh, my god,” Thea gasped. She stepped into his personal space and peered up at his hidden face. “Who hit you?”

“No one,” Tommy said feebly.

“No one?” Thea scoffed. “You’re punching yourself?”

“Just drop it,” he stepped around her. “Let’s get you home.”

“Does your dad know you’re hurt,” she sped past him. “I’m going to go talk to him.”

“No, Speedy,” Tommy shouted. He grabbed Thea’s arm roughly and then immediately let go. “I’m sorry,” he said more gently. “I don’t want to bother him with this. He had a long flight.”

Thea’s face went from angry to worried. He watched as realization dawned on her face. “He did this to you?” she asked with growing horror

“I was playing basketball with Max and I took an elbow to the face, it’s no big deal,” he said walking past her.

“You were playing basketball - with Max Fuller? He hates you, almost as much as you hate basketball.” Thea sat heavily on the edge of the sofa, “All of the fights with your classmates never made sense to me. People punching, Ollie, that I would’ve understood. Why are you covering for him? All this time – it was him? Everyone knew and they left you here?”

When Tommy remained silent, Thea stormed down the hallway and ran up the stairs. Tommy chased after her, with a sense of panic. He didn’t want her to see his bedroom in the state it was in, “Where are you going?”

Thea threw open his bedroom door and froze when she flipped on the light. “Oh, Tommy.”

Tommy had covered his bedroom wall with enlarged satellite images of the spot where the Gambit had last sent a radio transmission from. He had lengths of string, in varying colors, pinned to the wall signifying currents, prevailing winds and storm activity. He watched nervously as Thea’s fingers traced the lines Tommy had pinned and read some of what he’d scribbled in red marker.

“What is all this?” she asked in a whisper.

Tommy couldn’t respond. He didn’t want to give her false hope. Thea was starting to get to a good place and he didn’t want to set her back by getting her involved in his crazy obsession. “I’m a sailor. I need to understand what went wrong.”

“There was a storm,” Thea said slowly, like she was testing the truth of her words.

“There was – a monsoon.” Tommy had checked the day after he learned the Gambit sank. He’d studied all the satellite data available on the storm. The Gambit had been equipped with state of the art technology. The captain would’ve seen the storm coming with enough time to alter course. It made no sense that the yacht sank. Even with a change in heading, they would’ve run into some rough weather, but the Gambit was a substantial boat and she shouldn’t have foundered. Something didn’t add up, but Tommy didn’t have enough of the pieces to determine what had gone wrong.

“I don’t understand what any of this means,” Thea’s eyes had returned to his wall. “What is all of this?” She squinted her eyes as she read, “Underwater plateaus. The Luzon, Manila and Nansha troughs?”

“The South China Sea has very complex current patterns,” Tommy answered. He’d spent countless hours scouring through navigational charts, weather reports and the currents to find Oliver, Robert and Sara.

“Why are you studying currents?” Thea’s eyes went wide, “You don’t think they’re dead. You think they made it to a lifeboat.”

“I don’t know,” Tommy admitted.

“The Spratly Islands? What are they?” Thea pointed to an area covered with his scrawl.

“They’re mostly atolls – uninhabited,” he answered.

“How about these?” Thea pointed to another cluster of islands with Tommy’s calculations scribbled next to them.

“The Paracel Islands,” he replied.

“You think they made it to one of these islands?” she asked.

Tommy wished he could say yes, but his calculations based on the currents told him that a lifeboat wouldn’t have brought them close enough to either island chain. Based on where the Gambit allegedly went down, the currents would’ve taken them towards Taiwan or Hong Kong. He took Thea’s hand and tugged her away from the wall. He stroked her hair, “No, Speedy. I don’t think they would’ve made it to those islands.”

Thea’s eyes welled with tears, “So you think they are dead?”

“I still have hope,” he kissed her forehead.

Thea smiled, “Good, so do I.”

She let go of his hand and threw open his closet doors, disappearing inside. Thea dragged a suitcase to his bed and lifted the lid. “You can pack your own underwear,” she said as she disappeared back into his closet. She returned with her arms full of clothing. “Why aren’t you packing?”

“Why are you packing?”

“I’m not leaving you in this house for another minute. You have a room at home, and you’re going to use it full time.” She dropped the load of clothing into the suitcase. She rolled her eyes, “Fine, I’ll pack your underwear, but if I need therapy afterwards, you’re paying.”

Tommy laughed, “I’ll pack my own underwear.” He placed his hands on her shoulders, “Speedy, you know I can’t move in with you and your mom.”

“Nonsense,” Thea said in her best Moira impersonation. “I’ve made the decision. He’s never going to touch you again.”

Tommy couldn’t tell her that it was safer for him to be seen somewhat regularly by his dad when he wasn’t traveling. His presence was kind of a pressure valve release. Malcolm would yell, but was rarely physically violent. It was only after long absences that Malcolm’s temper would include a fist. “I’ll come with you tonight and stay a few days, okay?”

“Fine,” Thea shoved more clothing into the suitcase, “but you’re never leaving. Not if I have anything to say about it.” She angrily wiped at the tears that were rolling down her cheeks. “How could he hurt you?”

“Hey,” Tommy wrapped his arms around her, “I’m okay, I promise. You don’t have to worry about me.”

Thea’s arms wrapped around his waist and she buried her face against his chest. Her muffled voice said, “I can’t lose you too. You’re all I have left of him.”

“You won’t lose me,” he kissed the top of her head. “You’re stuck with me.”

 

**2014***

“That smells heavenly,” Felicity mumbled sleepily as she walked into Tommy’s kitchen wearing nothing but Oliver’s blue dress shirt.

“Well, when your girlfriend of less than a week gets shot, she gets French toast and bacon,” Tommy held out a mug of coffee.

She took the mug with her left hand, “I don’t remember coming home with you last night.”

“Well, getting shot and taking oxy will kind of do that,” he said stiffly as he poured himself a cup of coffee. “You couldn’t be left alone and Ollie couldn’t take you home, so here we are, having our first sleepover as boyfriend and girlfriend.”

“You’re mad,” she sat down heavily on a stool.

He snorted, “You got shot. You bet I’m mad.”

When Oliver had knocked on Tommy’s office door, the look on his face was enough to let him know that something had happened to Felicity. Tommy hadn’t waited for an explanation, but ran past Oliver, fearing the worst. He’d assumed she was in the hospital and was heading for the parking lot when Oliver grabbed his arm and explained what had happened. Tommy had been furious with Oliver for having Felicity in the field and for performing minor surgery on their girlfriend in a basement instead of going to the hospital.

“I told Oliver not to tell you,” Felicity grimaced as she reached for a piece of bacon. “Just to be clear, are you mad at me, or Oliver, or the guy who shot me?”

“Are those my only options?” he snapped as he placed a plate of French toast in front of her.

“Tommy, I’m fine,” she reached for him.

“You stepped in front of a man’s gun,” he said slowly as his eyes filled with tears.

“No, I pushed our friend out of the line of fire. I did not stand in front of his gun,” she corrected him.

“The results were the same. You were shot. A bullet entered your body,” he wiped a tear from his eye. “What were you doing in the field? You’re supposed to be safe behind your monitors – in a secret and secure basement.”

“It was the only way to trace Tockman. He needed to be stopped.” Felicity rested her hand over Tommy’s heart, “I’m sorry that I scared you.”

“Oliver told me that you went without telling anyone where you were going. How could you be so reckless?” Tommy was unable to let go of his anger.

Felicity’s face turned bright red with embarrassment, “I was trying to prove that the team still needs me.”

“What are you talking about? Of course the team needs you,” Tommy said gently.

“Why do they need me if they have Sara? She can fight. She knows her way around a lab. She’s a better fit for the team.” Felicity wiped her eyes, “I thought I was failing everyone because the one thing I’m supposed to be good at, I kept screwing up.” She sighed, “I know. I was being stupid.”

“You know you don’t have to worry about anything romantic going on between them,” Tommy said remembering Felicity’s initial concerns when Sara had first returned to town. “You don’t need to be jealous.”

Felicity rolled her eyes, “A woman can be jealous of another woman for non-sexual reasons. This has nothing to do with Oliver and Sara’s past.”

“You’re right,” Tommy admitted. Felicity wouldn’t risk her life to turn Oliver’s head, but she was stubborn enough to risk her life to prove her value to the team. “You’re the most incredible woman I’ve ever known and I don’t understand how you can’t see yourself the way the rest of us do. Ollie would be lost without you. Please don’t ever put your life in danger to prove a point. I’ve lost enough people I care about,” he kissed her forehead. “I’d be lost without you.”

Felicity hugged him, “I promise. No more point proving.”

“Thank you,” Tommy dropped his head as his emotions threatened to overwhelm him. He’d lost his mom to a bullet and Laurel to a different act of violence. He knew what it felt like to lose Oliver. Every day he had to suppress his fear that Oliver was going to die wearing his hood. The possibility of Felicity dying like his mom and Laurel did, violently and without warning, was more than he could cope with. After the Undertaking, he started having a recurring nightmare about the phone message his mom had left on his dad’s voicemail. Sometimes it was his mom calling for help, sometimes it was Laurel, the night before, it had been Felicity. “You’re supposed to be safe in the basement. It’s the only way I can handle what you do.”

“Tommy,” she whispered. Felicity’s lips landed softly on his cheek, “I’m safe and I’m here with you.”

He held her against his chest, mindful of her shoulder. His cheek rested the top of her head, “If anything ever happens to you.”

“I’m right here,” her words were muffled by his chest.

Tommy allowed himself a moment to breath her in, before he released her. “Are you in pain? Dig sent you home with his special aspirin.”

“Getting shot doesn’t tickle,” she joked as she returned to her stool.

“I’ll have to take your word on that.” He opened the bottle Dig had given him and placed a pill in front of her. “Eat your breakfast before you take it,” Tommy instructed.

Felicity placed a forkful of French toast into her mouth and moaned. She covered her mouth as her cheeks flamed pink, “This is incredible.”

Tommy smiled, “I like making you moan.”

Felicity laughed, “I never thought my second time in your bed would be so unsexy.”

“I definitely had other things in mind for our second time,” he took a piece of bacon off her plate. “Your third time in my bed isn’t going to be sexy either. As soon as you’re done with breakfast, you’re going back to bed- to rest.”

“Are you going to join me?” she said over the brim of her coffee mug.

“I thought we could watch a movie,” he responded. “Your choice.”

“My head is too fuzzy, you pick,” she said as she took another bite of her breakfast.

Tommy thought about his movie collection and decided the situation called for Katherine Hepburn. “I think we should watch, The Philadelphia Story.”

“The course of true love,” she started.

“Gathers no moss,” he finished.

“You and she on a little sailboat, the, True Love, wasn’t it,” Felicity recited another line.

“Yes it was,” he answered with the next line. Tommy kissed Felicity. She tasted of syrup and coffee. Tommy thought about their lazy summer days on the Sunnybrook and nights watching old movies and Rockets’ games as they got to know one another and began to fall in love.

Felicity yawned, “Can I eat my breakfast in bed?”

“As you wish,” he quoted her favorite movie with a wink.

Felicity smiled, “We can watch that too.”

Tommy helped her down from her stool. He took her plate and mug and began to follow her to his bedroom. She stopped and turned to face him. Felicity crooked her finger and Tommy leaned closer to her. She caressed his cheek before placing a tender kiss to his lips, “Thank you for taking care of me.”

He smiled before he brushed his lips against hers, “It’s my pleasure. Thank you for not dying.”

“You’re welcome,” she said covering her yawn with her hand.

“Come on, let’s get you into bed, fed and medicated,” Tommy nodded towards his bedroom.

“I could get used to this,” she said climbing back into his bed.

Tommy placed her plate into her hands and tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear, He smiled warmly, “Good.”

 

**2009**

A soft knock on Tommy’s bedroom door had him looking up from the book he was reading. “Walter?” he asked with surprise. He’d never seen Walter upstairs before.

“I didn’t mean to disturb you,” Walter’s eyes landed on Thea. “Is she okay?”

Thea was curled up on her side clutching a plush penguin tightly to her chest. Tommy got out of bed and tucked the blankets around her. “She had a bad dream,” Tommy answered.

Tommy stepped into the hallway, “Is there something I can help you with?”

“No,” Walter said. “I came to drop off some paperwork for Moira.”

“I can give it to her,” Tommy offered.

“No, I left it with one of the maids. She told me you were awake,” Walter said nervously.

Tommy folded his arms across his chest, concerned by Walter’s anxious behavior. The book he held tapped against his bicep, “Is there something wrong at QC?”

Walter shook his head and smiled. “No, I’m feeling slightly ridiculous. I wanted to speak with you because I have a question I’d like to ask you.”

“Shoot,” Tommy encouraged.

“I would like to ask Moira out on a date. I’d like your permission,” Walter stated.

Tommy’s brow wrinkled, “My permission? You only need Moira’s permission.”

Walter laughed softly, “Yes, of course, but you’re the man of the house. You’ve been looking after Moira and Thea since Robert and Oliver – do you think they’d approve?”

Tommy thought about what Oliver and Robert would have to say. Oliver would hate it. He’d probably sulk, but he also loved his mom. Robert loved Moira too, and Walter had been one of his closest friends. “It’s been two years and you make her laugh. They would want Moira to be happy. Thea and I want her to be happy too. Yes, you have my permission.”

Walter let out a sigh of relief, “Thank you.” He tapped the book in Tommy’s hand, “Homer?”

Tommy looked at the cover of his book, “You would think after Ollie and Robert and Sara, I’d avoid books about shipwrecks, but I saw this on Ollie’s shelf the other day and picked it up. Honestly, I don’t know why I’m reading it. I haven’t read it since high school.” Tommy wasn’t being entirely truthful. When he saw the book on Oliver’s shelf, it brought back a happy memory. He’d picked up the book because it made him feel closer to Oliver.

“It’s an adventure story with a happy ending.” Walter smiled sadly, “In the end, Odysseus makes it home to his waiting Penelope.”  Walter clapped Tommy on the back, “Have a good night. Enjoy your book.”

“Good night, Walter,” Tommy said to Walter’s retreating back. He stared at the cover of his book and realized, like Penelope, he still had hope that Oliver would eventually return home.

 

**2014**

Tommy entered the Queen Mansion carrying a large box. He’d stopped by Moira’s campaign headquarters to pick up campaign materials that Moira needed to sign off on. He was in a good mood. Felicity was recovering well from her gunshot wound. There had been plenty of kisses with Felicity and Oliver, and in two days they were going to go on a date and spend the night at his place.

Oliver wasn’t speaking to Moira, but Tommy couldn’t stay angry with her. He would’ve made the same choice. He was making the same choice. Thea could never know that Malcolm was her dad. Tommy was trying his hardest to make Oliver see reason. Oliver didn’t want Thea to know the truth, any more than Moira or Tommy did. Luckily, Oliver understood why Tommy had forgiven Moira, and their difference of opinion hadn’t influenced their decision to begin dating.

Tommy could hear Moira speaking to someone in the living room. The door was open, so he didn’t bother knocking as he entered, “I picked up what you asked me to, but I forgot the new campaign ad. I called Walter from the car and he promised to bring it over tonight when he comes for dinner.” He grinned at her, “I invited Walter to dinner, I hope that’s okay.” He placed the heavy box on her desk.

Moira shook her head with amusement and then kissed his cheek, “Was dinner your idea or Thea’s?”

Tommy didn’t even bother trying to look innocent, “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Thea and Tommy were actively trying to, _Parent Trap_ , Moira and Walter, and they had abandoned any pretenses of subtlety. They were both convinced it was only a matter of time before Moira and Walter were reconciled and things would finally return to normal for their family. Tommy and Thea were only trying to speed up the inevitable.

Moira took his hand and led him back to the sofa where her guest was seated. The man was in his mid-forties, in an expensive suit, with a salt and pepper beard and an eye patch. “Mr. Wilson. I’d like to introduce you to my son, Thomas.”

“Thomas, this is Slade Wilson. He’s a generous donor to my campaign and has a passion for Starling City.”

A look of confusion crossed the man’s face as he rose to his feet. He took Tommy’s extended hand, “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Thomas.”

“Please, call me Tommy,” he said with his most charming smile. “Thank you for supporting Queen for mayor.”

Slade released Tommy’s hand and smiled at Moira, “I’m sorry, I think my research on you was incorrect. I thought you only had two children, Oliver and Thea.”

“I’m the neurotic son she keeps hidden in the attic,” Tommy teased Moira with a wink. “All Gothic mansions have at least one crazy relative in the attic.”

Moira playfully swatted Tommy’s arm, before she linked her arm through his, “Tommy spent more time here than he did at his own home. Somewhere along the way, he became as much mine as Oliver and Thea.”

Wilson’s entire posture changed as he eyed Tommy up and down. A sly smile spread across his face, “Tommy Merlyn.”

“Guilty, as charged,” Tommy smiled tightly. The hair on the back of his neck stood on end. There was something about the man that Tommy didn’t trust. A lifetime spent living in fear of his father had taught him to recognize a dangerous man. Mr. Wilson was looking at him like he was wounded prey. “How does an Australian become interested in Starling City’s mayoral campaign?”

“I left Australia a long time ago. I’m an American citizen now and I live here in Starling. I heard Moira’s announcement speech and I was inspired by her message of redemption. I contacted Moira and asked how I could be involved.”

“And, what is it you do, Mr. Wilson?” the smile fell from Tommy’s face.

“My firm invests in bio-medical research,” Wilson answered.

“Are you a doctor?” Tommy inquired. Something wasn’t adding up. Wilson was lying, but Tommy wasn’t sure why. Moira was a wealthy widow and Tommy wouldn’t be surprised if Wilson’s interest in Moira’s campaign was a way of securing an introduction. Tommy knew almost all of the wealthy elite in Starling, but Slade Wilson wasn’t a name he ever remembered hearing before. Wilson wasn’t flirting with Moira, which only further confused Tommy. Wilson had a hidden agenda, Tommy just needed to figure out what it was.

“No, but the woman I loved was studying to be one,” Wilson grimaced. “I’m trying to carry on her legacy.”

“I’m sorry for your loss,” Tommy said sincerely. “It is hard to lose the person you love most in this world.”

Wilson considered Tommy carefully, “Yes, I do seem to remember you losing your girlfriend during your father’s murder spree last spring. Or, was she Oliver’s? The news accounts seemed confused, but maybe you boys were too.”

Moira squeezed Tommy’s forearm, “Laurel was beloved by this family. Her death is still an open wound for us.”

Tommy studied Mr. Wilson’s attempt to regain control. The man was barely keeping his temper in check. Tommy needed a way to either get Wilson or Moira out of the house. He had an uneasy feeling that Wilson had far more potential to be dangerous to his family than Malcolm ever did.

Mr. Wilson bowed his head, “My apologies, it was most insensitive of me.”

The front door opened and closed. Tommy could hear Thea’s rapid footfall moving through the foyer. He willed her to head upstairs. Her head poked into the living room and her face lit up at the sight of Tommy. She held up her cell, “Guess who sent me a text and told me he’s coming to dinner.”

“Hey, Speedy. Is the blue chair in the hall?” Tommy asked casually, hoping Thea would remember the old signal Oliver and he used to alert her when she wasn’t wanted.

A look of confusion appeared on Thea’s face. She stepped back out of the living room. Thea returned with her hand on her forehead, “It isn’t, but it should be. I’ll go get it.”

“What are the two of you talking about?” Moira looked between Tommy and Thea.

“I wanted to take the chair from my room to my apartment,” he said. “If that’s okay? Thea had promised to have it moved downstairs for me.”

“We’ll get the housekeepers to do it,” Moira said. “Thea, come in so I can introduce you to one of my campaign donors.”

Thea reluctantly entered the living room and gave Wilson a tentative smile.

“Mr. Wilson, this is my daughter, Thea,” Moira said. “Thea, Mr. Slade Wilson.”

Thea shook Wilson’s hand, “It’s nice to meet you.” She turned to face her mom and looked her up and down, “Is that what you’re wearing?”

Moira looked down, “Well, yes, dear. This is what I’m wearing.”

Thea wrinkled her nose, “I don’t like it. Do you like it?” she asked Tommy.

“Now that you mention it, I don’t. Not at all. It’s matronly. You should change before dinner – something with more of a wow factor. You should change, now,” Tommy insisted. “I’m sure an important man like Mr. Wilson has things to do.”

“You’ll have to excuse my children, Mr. Wilson. They’re normally not this strange,” she said giving Tommy a look that would’ve led to him being grounded if he was ten years younger.

“I will get out of your hair,” Wilson smiled apologetically, “but I was hoping for a look at the painting.”

“Oh, yes,” Moira smiled. “I completely forgot. You’re in luck that Thea’s home, she’s always better at remembering the name of artists and the title of their work,” Moira smiled at Thea.

The front door opened and closed again. Moments later Oliver entered the room. When Wilson turned to look, the color drained from Oliver’s face.

“Oliver, what are you doing here?” Moira asked with surprise.

Oliver looked between Tommy, Thea, his mom and Wilson. He pointed at Tommy and Thea, “Um, family dinner night.”

“It appears, Mr. Wilson, that you will get to meet all three of my children this evening. This is my son, Oliver. Oliver, this is Mr. Wilson. He’s been a generous donor to the campaign.”

Wilson extended his hand and Oliver took it, “Oliver, it’s an honor to meet you.”

“I know,” Moira said to Slade, “we should have a toast with your lovely gift.” She pointed to the drink cart, “Would you mind, Tommy? I’m going to speak with Raisa and make sure the curtains are opened on the main gallery.”

All eyes followed Moira as she left the room.

“Come on, Speedy, you can help,” he grabbed her sleeve and dragged her over to the drink cart.

“What the hell is going on?” she whispered as she set out five glasses.

“He’s hitting on your mom,” Tommy lied. “I don’t like the looks of him.”

Thea pursed her lips and narrowed her eyes, “We need to get him out of here before Walter arrives.”

Tommy nodded, but his full attention was on Wilson and Oliver. They were standing close together and the set of their shoulders was anything but friendly. Oliver’s hands were clenched at his sides and his jaw was ticking.  It was clear that Oliver and Wilson knew one another from somewhere and they didn’t care for one another. “I think you should give, The Daughters of the American Revolution tour,” he told Thea.

Thea nodded in understanding. “Like, oh my god, I can totally do that,” she said in her best vapid Valley Girl impression.

 

**2009**

Moira stepped out of her closet and Thea and Tommy groaned their disapproval from where they were laying on their stomachs on her bed.

“What’s wrong with this one?” Moira sighed.

“The color, for starters.” Thea wrinkled her nose, “It’s called puce for a reason.”

“It’s red,” Moira turned in front of the mirror.

“It looks like someone got murdered in the mud,” Tommy rendered his opinion.

“You’re both being ridiculous,” she smoothed the front of the dress. “It’s just dinner.”

“It’s a date,” Thea began.

“With Walter,” Tommy finished.

“It’s not a date. We’re two friends going to dinner,” Moira failed to sound convincing.

“You’re going to the theater first – that’s a date. Trust me, I’ve been on several,” Tommy winked.

Moira’s arms went limp at her sides, “You children have me so turned around, I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“Wear the green silk Furstenberg. The one with the ruching, not the buttons,” Tommy pointed to her closet. “The nude Jimmy Choo’s, not the black Manolo’s.”

Moira arched a lone brow at him, “Anything else?”

“Wear ugly underwear,” he said returning his gaze to the magazine he was flipping through with Thea. “Moira Queen does not put out on the first date.”

“Thomas Edward Merlyn,” she said stalking across the room towards him.

The doorbell rang and Tommy rolled from the bed. “Saved by the bell,” he laughed as the pillow Moira threw landed against the door he was rushing through. “Hurry, we don’t want to keep Walter waiting long.”

Twenty minutes later, Thea and Moira entered the living room. Walter put down his tumbler of scotch, “Moira, you look absolutely beautiful.”

Moira blushed as her eyes darted between Thea and Tommy, “Well, I had some help getting dressed this evening.”

Tommy clapped his hands, “Well, you two should get going. You don’t want to miss the curtain.” He shepherded them to the foyer. “I expect you to have Moira home by one. Not five after one. One o’clock, precisely.”

Walter grinned, “I promise to have Moira home before she turns into a pumpkin.”

“Your car would turn into the pumpkin,” Thea corrected. “Mom would end up in rags.”

“Your mom would remain beautiful, even in rags,” Walter said with a broad smile.

Tommy clapped Walter on the back, “Be good to her or you’ll answer to me.”

“Thomas, really,” Moira pinched his arm.

“Have fun,” Thea bounced on her toes. She hugged her mom, “You look very pretty.”

“I expect the two of you to behave while I’m out,” Moira slipped her arms into the coat Walter held for her.

“Who do you think you’re talking to?” Tommy asked with a mischievous grin.

Moira patted Tommy’s chest and kissed his cheek, “I know exactly who I’m talking to.”

“We’re going to have a nutritional dinner followed by educational television – PBS only.” Tommy gently hugged Moira and whispered, “Have fun tonight. You deserve this.”

Moira stepped out of Tommy’s arms and smiled, “Thank you.”

“Bring me back dessert,” Thea said as her mom hugged her. “Something chocolatey.”

“Consider it done,” Walter said.

Thea wrapped her arms around Tommy’s waist as they watched Moira and Walter walk out the front door. “We’re really not watching PBS are we?”

“Not unless PBS is airing, _Twilight_ ,” Tommy braced himself for impact.

Thea jumped up and down squealing with delight before launching herself into Tommy’s arms, “Really?”

“Yes, but if you tell your mom I let you watch it,” he started.

“I promise, I won’t tell her.” She kissed his cheek, “I love you.”

“So you keep telling me.” Tommy hugged Thea before returning her feet to the floor. “What would you like for dinner?”

“Ice cream,” Thea grinned.

Tommy had zero intention of making Thea eat broccoli, but he felt like he should get something nutritional in her. He considered the contents of the Queen pantry and decided he could work with what they had. “Ice cream sundaes, it is,” he put an arm around her shoulder and steered her towards the kitchen. He was proud of his solution. Peanuts had protein and he’d slice up some strawberries for the topping.

“Do you think my dad and Ollie would be angry about Walter?” Thea asked as Tommy pulled ice cream from the freezer.

Tommy squeezed her hand, “No, I don’t think they’d be mad. They’d want you and your mom to be happy and Walter makes both of you happy.”

“Ollie would want you to be happy too,” Thea told him.

“I am happy,” Tommy lied. “Come on, the sooner we watch this movie, the sooner I can start to forget that I’ve seen it.”

 

**2014**

“But Laurel’s dead,” Felicity repeated. “He thinks Laurel is the love of your life, right? He’s too late.” She looked at Sara apologetically, “I’m sorry.”

Sara waved off Felicity’s apology, “Logic means nothing to Slade. His mind has been poisoned by the Mirakuru. He wants to make Oliver suffer. Laurel was just an excuse, he’ll find someone else.”

Tommy leaned against the column closest to the staircase and listened as Oliver and his team discussed another person who’d come back from the dead. It turned out that Oliver’s deserted island was actually more crowded than a Club Med at Thanksgiving. Oliver kept shooting Tommy nervous glances as he was forced to share a secret he clearly would’ve preferred to keep buried. Felicity had wrapped her arms protectively around herself as Oliver discussed his relationship with Shado and how Slade had been secretly in love with her and hadn’t revealed his love until his deathbed. Except, it wasn’t his deathbed. With the help of Mirakuru, Slade had recovered, but not before Shado had been murdered by Ivo. Tommy listened in horror as Oliver recounted how Ivo had forced him to choose between Sara and Shado. When Oliver had thrown himself in front of the gun pointed at Sara, Ivo shot Shado in the head. When Slade had learned how Shado had died, he’d only heard that Oliver had chosen Sara, not that Oliver had tried to sacrifice himself for both women.

Tommy suddenly couldn’t breathe. The basement felt like it was closing in on him. Ignoring Oliver and Felicity calling his name, he stepped through the alley door into the cool evening air. He took about a dozen steps before he doubled over and emptied the contents of his stomach. When there was nothing left to bring up, he rested his forehead against the cool brick wall.

The heavy metal door to the basement opened and closed. The sound of Felicity’s heels echoed through the alley. “Careful,” he warned her, “I’ve been redecorating.”

Her hand landed on the center of his back, “Are you okay?”

Tommy turned around and led her away from where he’d been sick, “I don’t know.”

Felicity handed him a bottle of water, “Take small sips.”

He unscrewed the cap with shaking hands and held the bottle to his lips. He swirled some water in his mouth, turned away from Felicity and spit. He leaned his back against the wall and tilted his head back to look at the sky. “I’m a terrible person.”

Felicity’s brow furrowed, “What are you talking about?”

“All I can think about is how grateful I am that Ivo didn’t shoot Ollie or Sara.” Tommy rubbed his face, “Shado was a living, breathing person, and someone Oliver cared deeply about and I’m sick enough to be grateful that she’s dead and my friends aren’t.”

Felicity wrapped her arms around him and rested her head on his chest, “I don’t think that makes you a terrible or sick person. You love Oliver and Sara. Of course you’re grateful they’re alive.”

Tommy’s fingers slid through her ponytail. “Ollie is going to think he’s painted a target on your back,” he said quietly.

“Funny, I was thinking the same thing about you,” she responded. “I’m just the executive assistant. I didn’t exist in Oliver’s world five years ago.”

“You’re not just anything,” Tommy held her closer. “I’m easily dismissed. The fuck-up best friend. Son of a psychopath. Womanizer. Drug and alcohol abuser. Slade’s eyes will slide right by me. I’m no one.”

“You could never be, no one, not to Oliver.” Felicity shook her head against his chest, “You don’t see the way he looks at you when he thinks no one is looking.”

Tommy thought Felicity’s words were beautiful to believe, but even more dangerous. Oliver wasn’t in love with him. A few kisses didn’t make him the love of Oliver’s life. “Slade is looking for a woman. Our legendary man whore ways will eliminate me as a target. Slade won’t look at me when he’s looking for the love of Ollie’s life, he’ll be looking for you.” Tommy tucked a loose strand of hair behind Felicity’s ear, “You don’t see the way Ollie looks at you when no one is looking.”

“You’re not a man whore,” she gently pinched his side.

“The tabloids and TMZ circa 2009 disagree,” he said sadly. “I’m not in danger. I’m worried about you and I’m worried about, Ollie. He was looking pretty guilt stricken in there.”

“Yeah, we’re going to need to keep an eye on him,” she said softly.

Tommy hummed noncommittally.

“What?” she lifted her head to look at him.

“He’s going to cut me out,” Tommy said with certainty. “He’d like to do the same with you, but he needs you to function. I’m an easy amputation.”

“What are you talking about?”

“He’s going to retreat and I’m going to be the first one he cuts loose,” he said with resignation.

“Tommy,” she sighed.

Tommy pushed off the wall and gently moved Felicity to the side, “I’ve got to close out for the night. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Wait,” she grabbed his hand. “Go back in with me. Talk to him.”

He shook his head, “I know how this dance ends.” He kissed her forehead, “Go back inside, he still needs you.”

“He loves you. He needs you too,” she held out her hand.

Tommy punched in the code for the door and held it opened for her, “Good night, Felicity.”

 

**2009**

The floor dropped from beneath Tommy’s feet as the Gambit plunged from the crest of a wave. He braced his hand on the wall, trying to stay upright as he made his way above deck. “Ollie,” he called out as he opened another state room door.

A powerful clap of thunder reverberated through Tommy’s chest. They were in the center of the storm and the yacht was struggling. He could hear the engine working overtime and the sound of the bilge pumps straining to keep the boat from foundering. A wave slammed into the portside of the boat and the yacht began to list, before righting itself. “Damn it,” Tommy muttered. The yacht wasn’t facing in the right direction if they were taking waves to the side. He changed direction towards the pilot house.

Another wave struck, lifting the yacht and slamming it onto her side. The lights cut out inside the Gambit and Tommy slammed into the wall, which had become the floor. The yacht righted herself, and Tommy landed on his back on the floor. He scrabbled to his feet and began to run towards the stairs. He needed to get above deck before another wave had them completely capsized. They needed to get the lifeboats prepared. He had an uneasy feeling that they were going to need to abandon ship.

Tommy rushed onto the deck, looking for signs of the crew. Lightning lit up the sky and revealed a wave rising high above the boat that was about to wash over them. Tommy lunged for a guiderail and wrapped his arms around it as he braced for impact. The icy water tore across the deck, but Tommy held on. The Gambit groaned and the sickening sound of the hull breaking apart echoed all around him. The yacht was going down. They needed to get off her before she pulled them all under.

Tommy raced across the slippery deck to where one of the lifeboats was mounted on the pushpit railing. He looked around frantically for any sign of Oliver, Robert, Sara or the crew. The Gambit had other lifeboats, but he didn’t want to assume everyone had made it above deck.

“Tommy,” Oliver cried out, running towards his friend.

“Ollie,” Tommy shouted. “Where’s everyone else?”

Oliver pointed towards the bow, “They’ve already abandoned ship. I wouldn’t leave without you.”

Tommy slammed his hand down on the quick release, and the lifeboat case plunged into the water. Tommy held his breath as he waited for the hydrostatic release to kick in. It didn’t take long for the lifeboat to explode onto the surface, ready to take its passengers.

“Ready to take a swim?” Oliver grinned, climbing onto the railing.

Tommy took Oliver’s hand and allowed his friend to help pull him onto the railing, “Yachts suck.”

Another wave crashed into the boat, sending Oliver and Tommy over the side. The water closed over Tommy’s head and he was sent spinning by the force of the wave. When his head finally broke the surface, the Gambit was more than twenty-five meters away. He looked around frantically, “Ollie.”

The water and sky were dark, it was impossible to see anything but the flickering lights on the dying Gambit. Tommy began swimming towards the Gambit and the lifeboat that was still tethered to her stern.

A flash of lightning revealed Oliver bobbing in the water a few feet away. “Ollie,” Tommy shouted.

Oliver turned towards Tommy’s voice and lifted his arm and waved, “Tommy.”

Tommy kicked his legs harder to propel himself forward. No matter how hard he swam, he didn’t seem to be getting any closer to Oliver. The current was too strong. A wave lifted him up and he could see Oliver beneath him and the Gambit in the distance. The wave crashed and Tommy tumbled through the sea’s icy darkness, salt water burning his nose and lungs. When his head broke the surface, there wasn’t any sign of Oliver or the Gambit.

“Ollie,” he screamed, ocean water filling his mouth and nose.

Tommy fell from his bed, his bedsheets twisted around his legs. He landed on his hands and knees, gagging on the saltwater he’d been dreaming of. His chest heaved as he struggled to catch his breath. The nightmare was familiar, but the terror of it was just as real as the first time he’d had it two years before. The Gambit sinking featured in his dreams on a near nightly basis and he usually woke screaming and retching.

Shaking, he lowered himself to the floor and rolled onto his back, taking deep breaths to slow his racing heart. His cell phone pinged and Tommy reflexively reached for it on his nightstand. He expected to see a text from a woman, offering sex, but what he saw had him sitting up. Oliver had logged into his email account. Tommy opened Oliver’s account to discover that he’d logged in from an IP in Hong Kong.

Tommy scrambled to his feet and was dialing the private Merlyn airplane hangar. “This is Tommy Merlyn,” he told the woman who answered the phone, “I need the jet prepared to go to Hong Kong. I’ll be there in two hours.”

Tommy grabbed a duffle from his closet and began to pack with still shaking hands. His long waking nightmare was finally over. Oliver was alive and he was going to bring him home.

 

**2014**

Tommy kicked off his shoes as soon as he walked through the front door. He dropped his umbrella on the door mat and shuffled to the bathroom. Water dripped down his neck as he vigorously rubbed his soaking wet hair with the towel he’d taken from the rack. He returned to his living room to pour himself a tall glass of whiskey. The events of the evening had been too much. Between the appearance of Slade Wilson and Oliver revealing what had happened on Lian Yu, Tommy didn’t have the bandwidth to cope with Oliver, once again, ending things between them before they had a chance for it to begin. At least Felicity would understand what he was going through. This time, he wouldn’t have to go through it alone.

With the towel draped over his head, Tommy unbuttoned his shirt with one hand as he poured whiskey with the other. He shrugged out of his shirt and allowed it to hit the floor with a satisfyingly soggy splat. He ran the towel over his arms, chest, neck and back, before he allowed the towel to join his shirt upon the floor.

A gulp of the whiskey sent a pleasant warmth through him. It had been awhile since he’d used alcohol to silence the thoughts screaming in his head. He would allow himself one drink, and one night of wallowing in self-pity before he put his game face back on. They were in too much danger to allow his personal disappointment to distract him from what needed to be done.

The cut crystal tumbler returned to his lips as a bolt of lightning lit up the sky. The silhouette of a man on the roof of the building across from Tommy’s sent the glass in his hand falling to the floor. Tommy ran to his balcony doors to get a better look at the man who was still visible in the driving rain.

At first, Tommy suspected it might be Slade Wilson watching him, but he knew it was much worse. He stepped onto his balcony and tried to make out finer details, but the only necessary details were the bow in the man’s hand and the quiver strapped to his back. Lightning crackled through the sky and one word was pulled from Tommy in a furious roar, “Dad.”

The figure lifted a hand in greeting or warning – Tommy wasn’t sure which. When he blinked, his dad had vanished.

Tommy reached for his cell in his pocket, but paused. Oliver had enough ghosts to deal with without having to deal with Tommy’s.

**2009**

“Welcome home,” Malcolm’s voice greeted Tommy from the darkness of his bedroom.

Tommy froze in his doorway. “Please, dad, not now,” he quietly begged. Tommy was exhausted and heartbroken after a disastrous trip to Hong Kong. He wanted to crawl into bed and forget the week had ever happened. The last thing he wanted to do was go ten rounds with his dad.

“Yes, now.”

Tommy dropped his bag and cautiously entered his bedroom. He turned the overhead light on and braced himself for an ugly confrontation.

“You took the jet, without permission, to Hong Kong,” Malcolm sat in Tommy’s leather desk chair and steepled his fingers, “because you thought Oliver had logged into his email.”

“Someone did log into Ollie’s account,” the words spilled out of Tommy.

“But it wasn’t Oliver, was it?” Malcolm challenged.

“No,” Tommy whispered.

“I couldn’t hear you,” Malcolm sneered.

“No,” Tommy said more forcefully.

“You are too old to have this childish fantasy that your friend is ever coming home to you. Oliver Queen is dead. You need to accept this and move on with your life. It’s past time you made something of yourself and stop spending my money on ridiculous theories. Have you thought more about returning to graduate school?”

“Not tonight, dad,” Tommy shoved his trembling hands into his pocket. He couldn’t let his dad see him fall apart. He was barely keeping it together and needed to get away from his dad as quickly as possible.

“Say it,” Malcolm hissed.

“Say what?” Tommy asked nervously.

“Say that Oliver Queen is dead,” Malcolm demanded.

Tears filled Tommy’s eyes and he cursed his own weakness. His dad would never leave his display of emotion go unremarked.

“Say it,” Malcolm shouted as his fist slammed on Tommy’s desk, sending a picture frame crashing to the floor. “You need to start living your life, and stop waiting on a ghost. Say it.”

Tommy refused to speak.

“I can’t hear you,” Malcolm rose to his feet. “Say it, so I know you believe it.”

Tommy shook his head and backed away. Oliver was dead, but he would be damned if his grief would be used for his dad’s entertainment. “No, I won’t say it.”

Malcolm crossed the room to where Tommy had the map of the South China Sea covering the wall. He grabbed a section and tore it from the wall. “Oliver Queen is dead.”

Tommy saw red and lunged for his dad’s arm as it moved to tear another part of the map from the wall, “No. Stop.”

The heel of Malcolm’s hand landed in the center of Tommy’s chest. Tommy’s heart felt like it stopped for a moment as he struggled to catch his breath. He fell to his knees.

Malcolm began to tear the rest of the map from the wall. Tommy couldn’t bear to watch and turned his head away. The picture frame that had fallen from his desk was facing Tommy. Oliver’s blue eyes stared at him from behind the cracked glass.

Malcolm pulled Tommy to his feet by the front of his shirt, “You’re pathetic. You disgust me. You mourn for a man who used you. He didn’t love you anymore than I do.”

“Fuck you,” Tommy rasped. He wasn’t going to let his dad taint his memories of Oliver. Malcolm wasn’t going to take what little remained of his best friend. Tommy’s love for Oliver was all he had left of him.

Malcolm’s fist connected with Tommy’s jaw. He was unconscious before he hit the floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. Kudos and comments are always welcomed and appreciated. Hearing from you is my favorite part of the day.
> 
> Saturday's update will answer your questions about Colorado. Chapter 5 of this fic is one of the most painful things I've written for this series. Prepare for about 10,000 words of angst.
> 
> Prompt requests are encouraged.
> 
> You can also come say hi to me on tumblr. http://realityisoverrated-fic.tumblr.com


	5. Numb

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tommy tries to reconcile with Thea as Oliver tries to get ahead of Slade. In the past, Tommy's life is spiraling out of control.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 99.9% of the warning tags are for this chapter. Tommy is in a very dark place and is increasingly out of control in his behavior. Please be aware, this chapter includes drug and alcohol use, sex under the influence, and suicidal thoughts and behavior.
> 
> Episodes 2x17, 2x18, 2x19 and 2x20 are referenced in this chapter.
> 
> 2014* Distraction (installment 95) takes place after this section.  
> 2014** The Interim CEO (installment 88) takes place before this section.  
> 2014*** Aloe and Chamomile (installment 40) takes place several hours before this section

**2009**

Tommy shivered in the air conditioning. He hated waking up cold. His head was pounding and it felt like he had cotton in his mouth. He reached for a blanket, but his arm was stuck. He tried to move it again, but there was something holding his wrist. He opened one eye to discover he was handcuffed to a hospital bed. “Fuck.”

“Not the bed you were hoping to be handcuffed to?” Officer Lance snarked from his perch at the side of Tommy’s bed.

Tommy exhaled heavily. He tried to remember how he ended up in the hospital, but he couldn’t land on anything specific. The last think he remembered was picking Thea up at school Thursday afternoon. “What day is it?” he rasped.

“It’s Sunday afternoon,” Lance replied.

“How’d I get here?”

“Ambulance,” Lance replied drolly as he poured water into a plastic cup. He held a straw to Tommy’s lips.

“Did I hurt anyone?” Tommy asked with dread.

“Yeah,” Lance said sadly, “you.”

Tommy greedily sucked the cold water until there was nothing left. He looked at Lance and the man sighed, but he refilled Tommy’s cup. “Am I under arrest?”

“Nah,” Lance said as he removed the handcuff from Tommy’s wrist.

“Really?” Tommy asked with surprise.

“No, not really,” Lance said gruffly. “I’ve got a whole list of charges, but Mr. Steele spoke with the D.A. and it appears that your billionaire luck is going to get you out of trouble, once again.”

“What’d I do?” Tommy asked with trepidation.

Lance opened a small notebook. “You got in a fight with three guys at a bar. One of them hit you over the head with a beer bottle.” He pointed at Tommy’s head, “You’ve got yourself eight stitches and a nice shiner too. Public intoxication. Drunk and disorderly. Assault. Your blood alcohol was nearly twice the legal limit. You also tested positive for a host of recreational drugs. Shall I list them for you?”

“No, I’m good,” Tommy said sullenly.

“What are you doing, kid?” Lance closed his notebook. “Are you trying to kill yourself? Because you’re doing a really good imitation of someone looking to kill himself.”

Tommy looked away in shame. He wasn’t trying to kill himself. He’d promised Oliver he would never try again, but, since Hong Kong, there was a small part of him that wasn’t trying all that hard to stay alive. He turned back to face Lance and put a fake smile on his face, “Must’ve been partying too hard.”

Lance dropped a cell phone onto Tommy’s lap, “That video is all over the internet.”

Tommy swallowed hard before he lifted the phone and pressed play. He was staggering down a street with blood pouring down his face. He was crying and calling out for Oliver. Tommy closed his eyes and listened to his anguished cries for, “Ollie.”

Tommy fumbled with the phone to turn off the video. He couldn’t bear to hear another second of it. He turned his head and began to cry.

Lance’s hand rested on his forearm, “Kid, he’s gone. You need to find some peace for yourself or I’m going to end up identifying your body in the morgue. He wouldn’t want you hurting yourself like this. I have nothing good to say about Oliver Queen, but he did love you. So did my Sara. Please, I don’t want to go to your funeral too.”

Tommy nodded his head, but couldn’t bring himself to look at Lance. He angrily wiped at the fat hot tears streaming from his eyes. When the door to his room opened, he wiped his eyes with his hospital gown.

“Good, you’re awake,” Walter said as he placed an overnight bag on the foot of Tommy’s bed. “I’ve spoken with the doctors and they are releasing you. I’ve brought you some clothes. Get dressed. Moira and Thea are waiting for you at home.”

“I don’t want them to see me like this,” Tommy mumbled.

“Well, Thomas, you should’ve thought about that before you entered a bar room brawl,” Walter said sternly. “I’m afraid, if I don’t bring you home with me, I will have two very angry women on my hands and I’m not prepared to incur their wrath on your behalf.”

“Did Thea see the video?” Tommy couldn’t bring himself to make eye contact with Walter.

Walter squeezed his foot, “She did and she’s very worried about you. Let’s get you home so she can yell at you, call you names, and then fuss over you.”

Tommy laughed, “Yeah, that sounds nice.” He looked up at Lance and held out his hand, “Thank you, sir.”

“You can thank me by not ending up here again,” Lance said gruffly.

 

**2014***

The weight of someone sitting on the edge of his bed woke Tommy from his restless sleep. “Adding breaking and entering to your list of crimes?” he asked through a yawn.

“In fairness,” Oliver said in a slightly higher pitch than usual, “it’s already on my list of crimes.”

“You okay?” Tommy asked.

Oliver shifted so he was looking towards Tommy, “Are you?”

“I think my boyfriend is about to break up with me, so I’ve been better,” Tommy replied as he sat up.

Oliver sighed, “I’m not breaking up with you, but I think we need to take a break until this Slade situation is resolved.”

“I fail to see the nuance in that statement,” Tommy said gruffly.

“As long as Slade is here, it’s not safe for me to be with you, or Felicity. He’s dangerous and I don’t know how I’m going to stop him. I need to keep a target off your backs.”

“Don’t I get a vote?”

“No, you don’t.” Oliver’s hand landed on Tommy’s shin, “I’m sorry, but when your life is on the line, you don’t get a vote.”

“Did you give Roy a choice?” Tommy asked. “Our sister’s heart was broken tonight – was that your decision?”

“He can’t control his anger,” Oliver defended himself. “It’s not safe for him to be around Thea.”

“I agree, but I think Thea should’ve heard the truth from him. She’s in love with him, and you’ve made her believe that Roy never loved her,” Tommy said angrily. “I know you don’t know what that feels like, but trust me, it sucks.”

Oliver looked away, “If we can’t find a cure, Sara thinks we might have to kill him. Better for Thea to think he walked out on her and be angry than to mourn his death for the rest of her life.”

Tommy didn’t agree with Oliver’s assessment. He had nearly drowned in his grief for Oliver, but he’d never stopped loving him. If he’d been left with nothing but his love for Oliver twisted into anger, he would’ve ended up like Laurel. “You’re wrong. Thea deserves to say good-bye.”

“I’m sorry, but Roy is too dangerous to have around Thea or you. I know you care about the kid, no matter how much you grumble about him,” Oliver teased.

“I will never admit to such baseless accusations.” The smile fell from Tommy’s face, “Ollie, I don’t want you to kill him. He’s a good kid who got dealt a shitty hand. He makes Thea happy.”

“Felicity is working on something, hopefully, it won’t come to that.” Oliver’s fingers sought Tommy’s.

“I don’t know how to help you,” Tommy admitted as he laced their fingers together. “I know that you’re in pain. I know that you’re scared, but I don’t know what to do.”

Oliver shifted from the foot of the bed to Tommy’s side, “I don’t need you to do anything. I just need you to be safe.”

“Did you eat?” Tommy asked looking for a problem he could easily solve.

“I’m not hungry,” Oliver answered.

“You look tired,” Tommy said with concern.

“I am tired,” Oliver admitted.

Tommy reached around Oliver’s chest and unzipped his jacket. He slipped the leather from Oliver’s shoulders and tossed it onto the chair in the corner. He unbuttoned Oliver’s shirt as he kissed the side of Oliver’s neck. He traced the shell of Oliver’s ear with his tongue as he removed Oliver’s shirt. “Come to bed,” he whispered. Oliver obliged and stood up. Tommy could hear the rustling of Oliver’s clothes as he removed his jeans and placed them, along with his shirt, on the chair with his jacket. He climbed into bed wearing a t-shirt and a pair of boxers. Tommy’s arms were open and Oliver tucked himself against Tommy’s side.

“This is risky,” Oliver said into the darkness.

“You and me, we’ve done far riskier things than go to sleep together,” Tommy kissed the top of Oliver’s head.

“Tommy?” Oliver asked hesitantly.

“Yeah, Ollie,” Tommy covered a yawn.

“I liked the way that sounded,” Oliver’s hand slipped beneath Tommy’s t-shirt and rested on his stomach.

“What sounded?”

“Your boyfriend,” Oliver said softly.

Tommy smiled, “I like the way it sounds too.”

Oliver shifted until Tommy’s thigh was between his, “Is this all right? I just want to kiss you for a little while.”

Tommy rubbed his nose against Oliver’s, “I need to tell you, your crazy ex-girlfriend tried to kiss me tonight.”

Oliver laughed, “I know. We have cameras in that alley.”

“Surprisingly, me dodging Helena’s advances in an alley doesn’t even come close to the most embarrassing thing I’ve been recorded doing,” Tommy’s hands slid up Oliver’s back.

Oliver’s lips landed on Tommy’s throat, “I know. I was present for most of them.”

Tommy tilted his chin up to give Oliver better access to his neck. He had no intention of telling Oliver that the recordings of Tommy, when Oliver was gone, were far more embarrassing than anything they ever got up to together.

Oliver’s lips stilled and he lifted his head, “Where’d you go?”

Tommy lifted his head and kissed Oliver gently, “I was just thinking how much I’m going to miss this.”

“We were always pretty good at stealing kisses,” Oliver brushed his lips against Tommy’s.

“We were,” Tommy agreed. He pulled Oliver’s chest against his, “We should still make these count.”

Tommy could feel Oliver’s smile against his lips, “Come then, put away your sword in its sheath, and let us two go up into my bed so that, lying together in the bed of love, we may then have faith and trust in each other.”

“Are you,” Tommy could feel himself blushing, “quoting Homer to me?”

“I don’t know,” Oliver answered shyly. “Is it working?”

Tommy nuzzled Oliver’s neck, “Yeah, it’s pretty effective, actually.”

“Good,” Oliver sighed before he licked slowly into Tommy’s mouth. His hips rocked gently against Tommy’s leg as they deepened their kiss.

Laying in Oliver’s arms in the dark, reciting poetry, as they made out like teenagers made Tommy feel safe and warm. He banished all thoughts of homicidal maniacs, forced breaks, and the return of his allegedly dead father. In that moment, Oliver’s hands were warm against his side and Tommy was going to cherish every moan and sigh. He’d gone five years thinking he’d never have Oliver in his arms again, but now that he was back in his arms, it was like he’d never left. He wasn’t going to let Slade Wilson, or anyone else, ever take Oliver away from him again.

**2009**

The music from the club reverberated through Tommy’s chest and legs. He was pressed tightly between two strangers in the darkness of the dance floor. A strobing light provided flashes of the people around him, but not enough to register any faces. Sweat ran down his back and along his hairline. He was flying high on a cocktail of alcohol and party drugs. Tommy had ingested enough illicit substances and alcohol to ensure that he’d have no memory of his night when he woke the next day. It was so much easier to deal with his shame when he couldn’t remember what he’d done. There was so much Tommy wanted to forget. If he could forget Oliver, maybe the pain would finally go away.

It had been four months since Tommy’s return from Hong Kong. It had been four months since the belief that he’d clung to had been revealed as a lie. Oliver was never coming home to him.

A woman ran her hands up Tommy’s chest and then threaded her fingers through his hair. She pulled his head forward until their lips met. Tommy quickly took control of the kiss. Losing himself in another body, if only for a few hours, helped him keep memories of Oliver at bay. The woman’s hips surged against his and he grabbed her ass to pull her closer to grind against.

The woman pulled away. Her breasts heaved as she tried to catch her breath. She licked her lips and smiled at him. “I’ll be right back,” she shouted.

As she walked away, he realized that he wouldn’t recognize her if or when she did.

Tommy looked down when a new set of fingers laced through his own. He followed the hand to a man he’d partied with earlier in the evening when he’d run into Melanie Delaney. He’d purchased bottle service for his old classmate and her companions. The man holding Tommy’s hand had supplied the drugs for the group. He looked down at Tommy, his dark eyes searching the billionaire’s face. The man ran a hand over his smooth head and smiled. He tugged on Tommy’s hand and they both began to weave their way through the crowded dance floor.

Tommy allowed the man to lead him into the men’s room. It was an exclusive club with a hefty entrance fee and a pretentious clientele, but it meant that a cleaning crew kept the bathrooms spotless all night. The man slipped money to the bathroom attendant as they entered. Tommy followed him into an empty stall.

“You looked like you needed another bump,” the man grinned.

“John?” Tommy asked. “Sorry, I can’t remember your name.”

The man leaned against the stall wall, “It’s Jim. You’re, Tom, right?”

Tommy hated being called, Tom, but he didn’t feel the need to correct a person he’d never see again, “Yeah.”

“Well, Tom,” Jim pulled a baggie from his pocket, “do you want another bump?”

Jim licked his finger and stuck it into the baggie. He rubbed his powder covered finger along his gums and offered the bag to Tommy. Without hesitation or a though to ask what he was being offered, Tommy licked his own finger and inserted it into the baggie. He rubbed his finger across his gums and his mouth began to tingle.

Tommy’s vision went blurry and the room began to tilt. He staggered backwards a few steps and landed heavily against the stall wall. He squeezed his eyes shut as everything seemed to slow down. The music from the club sounded like it was being muffled by the ocean. He floated along on a warm current, his pain forgotten. For a moment, Tommy was at peace.

The sensation of someone sucking on his neck pulled Tommy back from his bliss. He opened his eyes to find Jim pressed against him. The other man was sucking and nipping along his throat and jaw. Tommy was momentarily surprised to find another man moaning against his skin. Other than Oliver and a brief fling in college, Tommy had never experienced another man’s attention. Tommy had gone out of his way to never find himself in this type of situation. He was about to protest, when Jim’s mouth covered his. The kiss was wet and insistent and nothing like the kisses Tommy had shared with Oliver. Jim’s tongue felt sharp and violent in Tommy’s mouth. He felt betrayed as his body began to respond. He told himself that his body was on a hair trigger from grinding against the woman on the dance floor and that his body’s reaction had nothing to do with the man touching him. He closed his eyes and turned his head away from Jim and his vicious kisses. Jim pushed up Tommy’s shirt and his lips surrounded his nipple. It didn’t matter who touched him anymore, not when the person he wanted to touch him never would again. One fuck was as good as any other when nothing mattered.

A wave of dizziness washed through Tommy. He pictured Oliver sitting on the hood of his Porsche as they watched the sunset over the bay. Oliver tilted his head back as he drank his beer, the sun reflecting off the glass and making Tommy squint. Oliver handed Tommy his beer and grinned lasciviously. He slowly unbuttoned Tommy’s shirt, his lips burning against every inch of the skin he uncovered. The beer bottle fell from Tommy’s hand as he desperately tried to pull Oliver closer. Oliver lifted his head and gazed at Tommy. His fingers undid the button of Tommy’s jeans and slowly lowered the zipper. Oliver’s hands slid into Tommy’s underwear, “I love you.”

“Ollie,” Tommy groaned as his best friend’s fingers stroked his length.

“Tom,” Oliver sighed against his ear.

Something was wrong. Tommy began to panic. The ocean began to fade and Oliver started to disappear. “No,” Tommy’s anguished cry called out to a retreating Oliver, “don’t leave me.”

The hum of the club’s fluorescent lights buzzed in Tommy’s ears. He gasped as a hand that was not his own roughly tugged on his dick. Tommy blinked his eyes and was confronted by the grim reality of being jerked off by Jim in the men’s room of a club. He willed his arms to move and he gracelessly pushed against Jim’s chest, “Stop, please, stop.”

Jim stepped closer and caged Tommy against the stall wall. His hand picked up speed inside of Tommy’s pants. It was dry and rough and nothing that Tommy wanted. Tommy tried to push against Jim’s chest, but his arms felt boneless. A seemingly endless reservoir within him began to fill with shame. If Oliver could see Tommy being jerked off by a drug dealer, he’d be disgusted. Tommy began to cry.

Jim’s hand stilled and he lifted his head from Tommy’s neck, “Hey, Tom. You okay?”

“Get off me,” Tommy said through his tears.

“What?” Jim’s grip loosened from around Tommy’s length.

“I don’t want you touching me,” Tommy managed to shout through his tears. “Get the fuck off me.”

Jim’s hand left Tommy’s pants and he took a step back. “Hey, man. I thought you were into it.”

Tommy was shaking and crying as he started to put himself back together and regain control. His fingers struggled with his fly. “Leave me alone,” he pleaded. He thought he was going to be sick and would prefer to do it in private.

Jim stepped out of the stall without another word. Tommy’s breath stuttered in relief. He rested his head against the cool metal door as his fingers continued to fumble with his belt and shirt buttons.

Tommy staggered from the stall and tripped over his own feet. He caught himself on the edge of the sink. He washed his hands and splashed cold water onto his face, but it didn’t do anything to settle his nausea or stop his tears from falling. The bathroom attendant held out a paper towel for him. The attendant’s lips were moving but Tommy could only hear his heart beating in his ears. Tommy reached for the towel, but the edges of his vision turned black. The floor rose to meet him. There was a sickening thud that echoed through his skull. His eyes fluttered as he watched several pairs of feet scurry around him. The tile was cool against his cheek and he couldn’t bring himself to care that he was on the floor of a public men’s room. He could see blood pooling in front of his eyes and wondered if it was his own. He took a moment to be grateful that his dad was out of town and he wouldn’t have to sit through a lecture when his dad picked him up from the police station – no, not the police station - it was probably going to be the hospital this time. Moira would be the one to receive a late-night phone call to be told that Tommy had fucked up, once again. Feeling guilty, Tommy made a feeble attempt to stand, but oblivion was calling his name and he welcomed her embrace.

 

**2014****

Tommy knocked softly on Moira’s bedroom door, “Moira, it’s Tommy.”

“Come in,” Moira instructed.

Tommy entered the lowly lit room. Moira was sitting at her vanity in a small circle of light. She held a photo album on her lap. “How’s Thea?” she asked without looking up.

“Pissed at me too,” Tommy answered. It had been twenty-four hours since Thea had been let go by Slade Wilson, but not before he’d told her the truth about her paternity. “She’s home, though – which I think is a good sign. I knocked on her door and she told me to do something that is physically impossible.”

Tommy glanced at his watch. Oliver, Felicity, Diggle and Sara were on their way to blow up Applied Sciences and Robert Queen’s legacy. Even though Tommy had thwarted Isabel’s plan to have Oliver removed from the company, she was still working for QC. She had access to everything in Applied Sciences, which meant, so did Slade Wilson. Tommy had begged Oliver to reconsider his desperate plan to keep the equipment Slade required to mass produce the Mirakuru out of his hands. Tommy was on his own mission to try and head Slade off before he could cause more damage to their family.

“Are you late for something?” Moira glanced at his watch.

He shook his head, “No, just thinking about work.” Tommy peered over her shoulder, “What are you looking at?”

Moira turned a page of the album, “I prayed my entire pregnancy that the baby I was carrying was Robert’s. When Thea was born, she needed a blood transfusion.”

“That’s how Robert found out?” Tommy leaned against the edge of her vanity.

Moira nodded and wiped a tear from her eyes, “He was furious. I was so afraid he was going to leave us. I thought my whole world was about to come to an end and he’d publicly humiliate me in front of our friends, but Thea was three days old and Robert had already fallen in love with her. He said he’d raise her as his own – that we’d never tell her that she wasn’t a Queen. Robert said it was his fault that I’d strayed – that his infidelities pushed me into Malcolm’s arms.”

“I’m not surprised,” Tommy said truthfully. Robert had been a good man, despite his many faults. “I fell in love with Thea the first time you put her into my arms too. I would’ve done anything to protect her – I still would. I’m sure Robert felt the same.”

“I’m looking at these photographs, and I don’t know how you kids didn’t figure it out,” a small smile turned up her lips.

Tommy took a photograph from Moira and smiled at a picture of baby Thea in a white snowsuit, “She was such a cute baby.”

Moira smiled softly, “That’s you.”

Tommy held the picture beneath the light of the lamp on Moira’s table. Even with better lighting, he would swear he was looking at Thea. “I don’t remember seeing this photo before. I remember Thea’s white snowsuit.”

Moira held out another photograph. In it, Tommy was sitting beside Oliver in their matching white snowsuits. “Your mom and I took you both to Switzerland while your dads were doing business in London. You both loved the snow.” She held out another photo, “This is Thea, in Oliver’s snowsuit.”

Tommy placed the pictures side by side. “I can’t tell us apart,” he said squinting his eyes.

“That first year, I was grateful your dad was gone. If he’d seen her, he would’ve known. There was no way he could look at her and not see you. By the time she was eighteen months, she looked more like me than Malcolm. I was so relieved because I knew he wouldn’t be able to figure it out by looking at her.” Moira wiped away another tear, “When he returned to Starling, he never asked if she was his. I thought she was safe.”

“I’m glad he never knew,” Tommy returned the pictures to Moira. “He didn’t deserve Thea.”

Moira took Tommy’s hand, “I’m so sorry I kept the truth from you. There were so many times I wanted to tell you that you weren’t alone. I wanted to give you Thea, but I couldn’t.”

“I understand why you didn’t. I don’t blame you. It never would’ve been safe for her,” Tommy agreed. “I wish I could’ve known, but not if it meant Malcolm got near her.”

“I tried my best, Tommy, but it was never good enough. You deserved better.” Moira placed the album on her table. “I tried to be a mother to you – to protect you from him, but,” her voice trailed off.

“You had Ollie and Thea to worry about,” he said sadly. “I don’t blame you. You gave me a safe haven whenever I needed one. You loved me. You saved my life.” Tears filled his eyes, “I didn’t thank you back then because I wasn’t willing to admit I needed saving.”

Moira cupped Tommy’s cheek, “You are my son. I love you - I was never going to let you go.”

Tommy leaned into Moira’s hand. He hated himself for what he needed to say next. He gently removed her hand from his face. “I’m sorry, but I need to speak with you about Isabel Rochev.”

The warmth fell from Moira’s eyes and she squared her shoulders. “Yes, we should discuss QC. I’m proud of you. You outplayed her at her own game.”

“It’s not that.” Tommy began to pace, “She said something to me the other night that makes me think she’s working with Slade Wilson.”

“What?” Moira asked with disbelief.

“She knows that Thea is Malcolm’s daughter,” Tommy said. “She said that Robert told her.”

Moira’s lips pinched together and she spun Robert’s engagement ring on her right hand’s ring finger. “Ask what you came here to ask.”

“She and Robert – they were -,” Tommy struggled to find the kindest word, “together?”

“Yes,” Moira said coolly. “She was in business school and had interned at QC the summer you came to live with us. She beguiled him. She flattered him. She made him feel young. They started up an affair right before you boys started your senior year. They carried on for nearly a year. We were discussing a divorce.”

“Divorce?” Tommy asked with distress. He knew it was silly to be upset about it all these years later, but he would’ve been devastated if Robert and Moira had divorced.

“When Thea broke her arm, Robert realized that her injury could’ve been worse. He realized that he belonged at home with his children – and with me. I told him that Isabel had to go. If he needed to fill his nights with a woman that wasn’t me, he could have as many mistresses as he wanted, but never the same woman more than twice. He agreed to my terms.”

“Is it possible that Robert told Isabel about Thea?” Tommy asked. He tried to not dwell on the terrible compromise Moira had made for the sake of her children. He needed to find a way to bring Moira and Walter back together – she deserved to find some happiness of her own. Bringing Walter and Moira together could also be his way back in with Thea. His little sister was even more committed to reuniting her mom and Walter, or, at least, she had been before the truth had come out about Malcolm.

“He was smitten with her. He was going to divorce me for her. I imagine he told her all about my indiscretion to gain her sympathy. A man betrayed – forced to raise another man’s child – his best friend’s child,” Moira said bitterly. “It takes a special man to love another man’s child as his own. Robert never threw Thea’s paternity in my face, not once. He loved Thea.” She looked away sadly, “Maybe that’s why he continued to cheat on me. Every night, he tucked in the proof of my betrayal and kissed her forehead. He loved his daughter, but how could he not resent me?”

“Moira, is there anything else Robert could’ve told Isabel that Slade can use against us – against Ollie?”

Moira returned to her vanity and began applying moisturizer, “There’s nothing left to hurt us with.”

“Moira,” Tommy said firmly, ‘If there’s something else – another secret you’re protecting us from – you need to tell us. It’s better if you tell than if Isabel or Slade surprise us.”

“There’s nothing left that Robert could’ve shared with Isabel,” she said stiffly. “She can’t hurt us anymore.”

“Moira,” Tommy said sadly, “we love you, but you need to start being honest with us.” He was certain she knew something she wasn’t telling them. “We can’t be distracted by another bomb going off.” He wanted to ask her about Malcolm and whether or not she knew he was alive, but the words refused to come. He was hoping that his mind was only playing tricks on him and that his father was really dead.

“I will do anything to protect you children,” Moira insisted.

“I know that – we know that and that’s what worries us. If you’re protecting us from something, we can take it – please, tell us. Think about it.” Tommy kissed the top of Moira’s head, “Good night.”

“Tommy,” Moira called after him. “How’s Oliver?”

“I think he’s coming around. Be patient,” Tommy said kindly. Oliver was going to have to forgive his mom. Oliver couldn’t afford to keep any distance between his mom and Thea with Slade running loose.

“Goodnight,” Moira said and then turned back to her photo albums.

**2009**

Bruce Wayne’s hotel suite was packed with the young, beautiful and wealthy of Starling City. Tommy was flying high on a cocktail of drugs and alcohol. He had yet to see the host of their lavish party, but he already had his hands full. A very pretty red head was unbuttoning Tommy’s shirt and sucking on his neck. He was looking for a spot with more privacy when he thought he saw Thea across the crowded room. He took the red head’s hand, “Let’s dance.”

Tommy pushed his way through the crowd, keeping the petite brunette in his line of sight. If it was Thea, he was going to kill her, but only after he killed the man she was holding the hand of. The man in question spun the brunette up against the wall, revealing her identity. Tommy dropped his companion’s hand as his vision went red. The man had Thea pushed up against the wall, his hand going up her skirt as he appeared to be sucking the air from her lungs.

“Get off her,” Tommy shouted as he pulled the man away from Thea.

“Tommy,” Thea’s eyes went wide with panic and surprise.

Tommy pointed at her and gave her a censoring look. He returned his attention to the man he held by his shirt collar. He looked the man up and down as he tried to assess his age. He wasn’t fourteen, of that, he had no doubt. He had a sick feeling the guy might be older than he was. “How the fuck old are you?” Tommy shouted over the crowd.

The guy smirked, “Twenty-five. Is she your girl?”

“She’s fourteen, you pig,” Tommy snarled.

“Whoa,” the guy put his hands up. “When I met her at the club, she told me she’s nineteen.”

Tommy pulled the guy into his chest, “If I ever see you near her again, you’ll wish I called the cops.” He shoved the guy away.

Thea grabbed his arm, “What the fuck, Tommy?”

Tommy took hold of her arm and began dragging her back through the party towards the door. He was taking her home before anything more could happen to her.

“Let go,” Thea struggled against his grip.

He ignored her as he pushed his way through the drunks.

Thea wrenched herself free, knocking into a group of people holding bottles of beer, sending alcohol everywhere. She ignored the angry people around her and turned away from Tommy.

“No way,” he shouted, grabbing her around the waist, “you’re going home.”

“You’re not the boss of me, Tommy Merlyn,” she screamed.

“Like hell I’m not.” He pointed towards the door, “Either you start walking towards that door, or I will throw you over my shoulder and carry you out.”

“You wouldn’t dare,” she sneered.

He widened his eyes at her challenge, “I’m not in the mood for your games. Let’s go.”

Thea folded her arms across her chest, “No.”

“You are fourteen. You are too young to be at a party with men my age. It’s not safe,” he tried to reason.

“You embarrassed me,” she shoved against his chest.

“I stopped that man from committing a felony,” Tommy stepped into her space. “He’s probably already forgotten about you.”

Thea’s hand flashed out, smacking him across the face, “Fuck you, Tommy.”

It wasn’t the anger in her eyes that registered with Tommy, but the fact that her pupils were as large as saucers. He clasped her face between his hands, “What are you on?”

She laughed, “What are you on?”

“What did you take?” He pointed into the crowd, “Did that asshole give you drugs?”

“No,” she said with a cruel smile, “I don’t need anyone to buy me my drugs. I can do that all on my own. I got the dealer’s number out of your phone.”

“We’re leaving,” he took hold of her hand and pulled.

The party goers around them had all stopped their conversations to watch Tommy Merlyn have a screaming match with his dead best friend’s baby sister. He was aware they were being watched and he could see several cell phones pointed in their direction.

“You’re not done partying,” Thea continued to pull against him. “Isn’t there a girl here you want to fuck – or, maybe, you want to overdose in a bathroom again.”

The room had gone quiet. He stepped close to her and said against her ear, “Let’s not do this in front of everyone and their cameras. You can yell at me in the car.”

“Merlyn, is everything all right?” Bruce Wayne appeared out of nowhere. He was looking at Thea with a frown.

“Just a family disagreement. Thea and I are leaving,” Tommy told Bruce.

“You’re not my brother – he’s dead,” she said with tears streaming down her face. “How come he’s dead and you’re alive? No one loves you. No one would miss you. Not even your dad. He can’t stand you – he thinks you’re pathetic – everyone does. I wish you died instead of Ollie. Everyone wishes you died instead of Ollie.”

Thea’s words tore through him like a jagged knife, but he could only see her pain. “Thea,” he pleaded, “let me take you home - please.”

“I wish you were dead,” Thea’s voice broke. “I wish it was you,” she said as she pushed him again. “I hate you.”

Tommy held her tightly against his chest as she beat at him with her fists, repeating that she hated him, over and over. “Sshh,” he whispered against her ear, “it’s okay. I still love you.”

Thea sagged against him. Tommy lifted her easily into his arms and carried her towards the door, the crowd parting around him to let them pass. She buried her face against his chest as she continued to sob.

Bruce walked beside him, “My car and driver can take you home.”

“My car and driver are here,” Tommy informed his host. “Thank you. I’m sorry about causing a scene.”

“That’s all right,” Bruce said with a frown. “I hope she’s all right.”

Tommy kissed the top of Thea’s head. “You will be,” he promised her.

He carried Thea through the lobby and out into the cool night air. Bruce instructed the valet to alert Tommy’s driver that he was ready to leave.

“Goodnight, Merlyn. I hope you feel better, Miss Queen,” Bruce said before he returned inside the hotel.

Once they were inside the warmth of the car, Thea fell asleep with her head against his chest. As he smoothed his hand over her head, he allowed his eyes to fall closed. Thea didn’t mean what she’d said. She was lashing out because of the drugs and because she was in pain. Tommy knew in his heart that she loved him and didn’t wish that he was dead, but she’d been right. If he’d died instead of Oliver, it would’ve been better for everyone. Oliver, Thea and Moira would’ve mourned for him, but they would’ve been able to carry on. His death wouldn’t have devastated them, the way Oliver’s death had. If he could switch place with Oliver’s, he would gladly make his grave the bottom of the sea.

 

**2014**

Tommy watched Thea enter the stock room and he quickly followed after her. He closed the door behind him and locked it. As he looked around the room of glass bottles, he had a moment of doubt about the wisdom of his plan. Thea had wicked good aim. There was a good chance he might get clocked by a bottle of tequila.

“Can we talk,” he spoke into the room, “please?”

A bottle was placed heavily on a shelf and Thea stuck her head around the corner of a shelf, “I have nothing to say to lying traitors.” She returned to stocking shelves.

“Fine, we won’t talk. I’ll talk and you can listen,” he informed her. “I understand that you’re angry, but I honestly don’t know why.” Tommy ignored her scoff in response to his statement. “I was protecting you – we were all protecting you.”

Thea stormed into the center of the room with a bottle of vodka clutched tightly in her hand, “Malcolm’s dead. What exactly were you protecting me from?”

“Trust me when I tell you, you don’t want to be Malcolm Merlyn’s child. He was cold and selfish and brutal. He never loved me. He wouldn’t have loved you. You are Robert’s daughter and you are lucky to be Robert’s daughter.”

“I wasn’t Robert’s daughter. I was someone he got stuck raising because they were worried about appearances,” Thea snarled.

Tommy took a tentative step towards his sister. “Robert did love you. You are his daughter in every way that matters. Malcolm didn’t deserve you for a daughter and you definitely don’t deserve him for a father.”

She placed the vodka bottle down heavily, causing the shelves to shake. “God, you’re an idiot. I’m not mad about you lying to me about Malcolm, I’m furious that you didn’t tell me the truth. I deserved to know that you’re my big brother. It wasn’t fair that you kept that from me.”

“Thea, I’m sorry. I honestly didn’t think it mattered – I didn’t think it would change how we felt about one another. I thought I’d spare you the pain of learning that he was your dad. You’ve lost enough,” he said sadly.

Thea shook her head, “But I wouldn’t have lost this time. This time, I would’ve gained you. How do you not see that?” She fisted his shirt in her hand, “Learning about Malcolm sucks, but I’ll get over it. You should’ve trusted me to handle it. You should’ve loved me enough to tell me the truth. My whole life, I wanted you for a brother. I used to wish for you when I blew the candles out on my birthday cake. You were always so fucking sad and I thought if you were my brother, you would stop being sad. I thought I could make you happy as your sister. When I realized I couldn’t have you for a brother, I fantasized that I could have you for my boyfriend and I could make you happy that way.”

“Thea,” he said softly. His heart ached for the little girl with the long braids who only wanted to make him happy. “It was never your responsibility to make me happy, but you always did. Please, forgive me.”

“From the moment we lost Ollie, I was terrified that you were next. I thought one day you would stop coming over – stop caring – that you’d forget all about me.” Thea pulled on his shirt, “All this time – you were mine. Mom could’ve given you to me when Ollie died. You and Ollie could’ve given you to me as soon as you learned the truth. How can I possibly forgive you – any of you?”

“Forget you?” Tommy crushed her to his chest, “I love you Thea. You can be mad at me for as long as you need, but believe me when I tell you – you are never going to lose me. I have loved you from the moment I first held you and I will love you for as long as I live.” He kissed the top of her head, releasing her as he moved towards the door. His hand hesitated on the handle and he looked back at his sister who had as many tears on her cheeks as he did, “Life is short, Thea. Too short to stay angry at the people who love you.”

**2010**

“Merlyn. Vamos,” the guard barked at Tommy.

Tommy gingerly placed his bare feet onto the floor of his cell. The floor was dirty and damp as he moved around his dangerous looking cellmates. He placed his hands between the bars of his cell to allow the guard to cuff him.

Waking up in a jail cell was, unfortunately, not a new experience for Tommy. He’d woken up in the drunk tank a few times in high school and college. This was the first time he’d woken up in a cell in a foreign country. He had no idea where he was or how he’d gotten there. His last clear memory was of Christmas and a fight with his father at the Queen’s dinner table.

When he woke up the day before, he wasn’t wearing a shirt or shoes, but he was wearing the pants he’d worn to Christmas dinner. Tommy’s face, torso, back and legs were covered in bruises. He had a split lip and his knuckles were also split and bruised. His head was aching, and not just from having had too much to drink. His vision was a bit blurry and his ears were ringing. If he had to guess, he probably had a concussion. He was unable to get much from the guards or the other men sharing his cell. He knew everyone was speaking Spanish, but that was about all he understood.

Tommy shuffled alongside the guard, holding up his pants since his belt was gone too. The guard led him into a small cinderblock room. A man, impeccably dressed, sat at a small table with a file in front of him. Tommy was shoved into the seat opposite the man and then was cuffed to the table.

“Thomas Edward Merlyn?” the man asked with an American accent.

“Yes,” Tommy answered cautiously.

“I’m Bill Peterson. I work for the American consulate. You didn’t have any identification on you when they brought you in. They fingerprinted you and we were asked to run them. We got a hit.”

“Where am I?”

Bill raised his eyebrows, “You’re in Oaxaca, Mexico.”

“Mexico,” Tommy mumbled under his breath, “that explains the Spanish.”

“Do you require medical attention?” Bill gestured towards Tommy’s face and body.

Tommy looked down at his mottled flesh and shrugged, “Possibly a concussion, but overall, I’ve had worse.” His dad had done much worse. He took a moment to consider if his dad was responsible for beating him and then dumping his body in Mexico. He wouldn’t put it past his dad, but he also believed that if his dad wanted him gone, he wouldn’t still be breathing. He had a feeling that this trip to Mexico was his own doing – a rash decision made while high, drunk, or both. Most likely, a woman was involved. Whoever she was, he hoped she was safe.

When Bill didn’t look convinced, Tommy said, “Nothing is broken and if I had any internal bleeding, I’d probably be dead already.”

“Do you remember what happened?” Bill asked.

“I don’t remember coming to Mexico,” Tommy answered, “so I can’t explain to you why I’m covered in bruises and only wearing pants. Can you tell me what I’ve been arrested for?”

“The police found you on the street, unconscious,” Bill answered.

“So they arrested me instead of getting me medical help?” Tommy wasn’t entirely sure he wanted to hear the answer to his question.

“They did, but you tested positive for cocaine and a host of other narcotics. Your blood alcohol was double the legal limit,” Bill answered. “Luckily, you didn’t have any drugs in your possession.”

“Lucky, that’s my middle name,” Tommy said snidely. “When can I get out of here?”

“They are pressing charges for the cocaine,” Bill informed him.

Tommy sighed, “That doesn’t answer my question. When can I leave?”

“You don’t seem to understand, Mr. Merlyn,” Bill began.

“No, Mr. Paterson,” Tommy interrupted.

“It’s Peterson,” Bill corrected.

“Mr. Peterson, do you know who I am?” Tommy leaned across the table.

“I know who your father is,” Bill answered.

“Excellent, that should make things go easier,” Tommy said dismissively. Bill Peterson was nothing more than a public servant, and his dad had taught him the tone to use when dealing with a bureaucrat. “Am I allowed to make a phone call?”

“We notified your father when we identified you. He declined to assist you. Would you like me to call your father again and give him a message?” Bill asked.

Tommy’s eyes went wide with horror, “God, no. Call Walter Steele.” Tommy gestured for Bill’s pen. Bill slid the pen and the folder towards Tommy. “Please ask him for a lawyer, and tell him that I’m sorry to bother him,” Tommy requested as he wrote down all of Walter’s phone numbers. “Actually, apologize first, and then ask for the lawyer.” He scribbled down a note for Walter, that ended with, _please don’t tell Thea_.

Bill took back the pen and folder, “I’ll try to reach Mr. Steele as soon as I get back to the office. Hopefully, we’ll be able to get you out of here within the week.”

Tommy scoffed, “I will be very surprised if I’m still here tomorrow.”

“I hope you’re right,” Bill rose to his feet. “Happy New Year, Mr. Merlyn.”

Tommy furrowed his brow, “What?”

“It’s January 1st,” Bill said as he walked to the door.

“Oh,” Tommy said with embarrassment. Remembering the manners his mother taught him, he held out his hand as best he could in handcuffs, “Happy New Year, Mr. Peterson. Thank you for your help.”

Bill shook his hand, “You’re welcome.”

When the door closed behind Bill, Tommy began to shake. It didn’t seem possible that he’d lost a week of his life. He’d never had such a long blackout before. He lowered his head to the table. It was even harder to believe he was starting another year without Oliver. Oliver would’ve loved this story – Tommy half naked in a Mexican jail after a weeklong bender and a drunken brawl. “Happy New Year, Ollie,” he said aloud to the empty room. “What the fuck am I doing?”

 

**2014*****

It had been a long week. Between Roy’s rampage through the city, Thea’s open hostility and Moira’s campaign event, Tommy felt like he could sleep for a week. He was also more than a little stunned by Moira’s revelations. It turned out, she’d known all along about Tommy and Oliver’s relationship. She told them that their happiness was all that she wanted. Her acceptance was something Tommy and Oliver had always wanted but had spent almost fifteen years fearing they’d never have. Moira continued to surprise them when she confessed that she knew Oliver was the Arrow. When Moira had told Oliver that she was proud of him, it looked like the weight of the world had been taken from his shoulders.

For the first time, in a long time, Tommy felt like things were finally going to be okay for his family. Sara was home, Thea was going to forgive them, Walter and Moira were going to reconcile, and he was going to get a chance to be happy with Oliver and Felicity. He had hope that Oliver and he would be able to tell Moira about Felicity – eventually. Slade Wilson, Mirakuru and his father seemed like momentary obstacles to obtaining the life he always wanted.

Detectives had arrived at the end of the campaign rally to ask additional questions about Roy’s attack. Tommy had been unable to leave with Oliver, Thea and Moira as originally planned. Moira had made him promise to come straight to the mansion when the police were done. She had something urgent she wanted to discuss with Oliver, Tommy and Thea. He had a feeling she was going to tell them Malcolm was alive. Tommy was going to need to come clean to Oliver too. He would need to share his suspicions about his dad locking him in the storage room the day he was supposed to testify for Moira, and the fact that he’d seen him the night Slade revealed himself to Oliver.

Tommy had thought he would only be an hour, but it had been almost three hours since he’d placed a kiss on Moira’s cheek and closed the door of her limo with a promise to see her soon. He decided to delay his confrontation with Oliver by checking in on Felicity and Dig who were keeping a vigil over a sedated Roy. Once Tommy said goodnight to Felicity, he would head to the Queen mansion and face the music about keeping the truth about Malcolm from Oliver.

The cleaning crew was still busy at work, so Tommy had decided to use the exterior door to the foundry. “Hey,” Tommy said to Sara as he entered the alley that led to the Arrow cave’s back entrance, “where are you sneaking off to?”

Sara was pushing her motorcycle out from the garage where the team stored their bikes and van. She rested her bike on its stand and nervously tugged on the bag she had slung across her back. She pulled an envelope from her back pocket and held it out to him, “I always sucked at goodbyes.”

“Goodbye?” Tommy asked as he took the envelope from her. His name was printed in small, neat, block letters. “Where are you going?”

Sara shrugged and looked away, “I don’t know.”

Tommy stepped in close and gently guided her chin back to him, “Please don’t run.”

“None of you are safe if I stay,” she tried to explain.

“If this is about Slade,” Tommy began.

“It’s not.” Sara closed her eyes, “I’m not like Ollie. I’m too broken to be around normal people. I was going to kill Roy. If you hadn’t stepped in front of me, I would’ve.” She opened her eyes, “Oliver, Felicity and Diggle found another way – it never occurred to me to try and save Roy. You’re all better off if I leave. I will never be anything more than a killer.”

“You’re going back to the League,” he said with understanding.

“I don’t know, but it might be the only place I truly belong,” she said sadly.

“No,” Tommy said firmly, “I refuse to believe that. You swallowed poison to get away from them. I know what it feels like when you think death is your best option – Sara, you can’t go back to them. Stay here.” He took her hand, “Please, stay with us.”

“Why do you have to make things so hard?” she asked, tears sliding down her cheeks.

“It’s a skill,” he smiled hesitantly. “You’ve only just got back. If you saw Oliver last year, you’d know that it’s a slow process. It took him until recently to finally come home. Be patient.”

“Ollie has you. You’ve always been his true north and now with Felicity – he’s got a light burning in him. All I am is darkness,” she said strapping her bag to the back of her bike. “You need to let me go.”

“Bullshit,” he hissed angrily. “You are not darkness. You are not what they made you. You are Sara Lance and you shine as brightly as the rest of us. I loved who you were then. I love who you are now. We all do. Stay.”

Sara crashed into him, wrapping her arms around his back and burying her head against his chest. Tommy embraced her, resting his cheek on the top of her head. “Don’t give up on yourself,” Tommy begged.

Sara pulled out of his arms, wiping the tears from her eyes, “I love you, Tommy Merlyn.” She climbed onto the back of her bike.

“Wait, where are you going?” he asked with alarm. He thought he’d succeeded in getting through to her.

“Ollie can’t beat Slade and his army on his own. If Felicity’s cure doesn’t come in time, Ollie is going to need help,” she said with determination as she pulled on her helmet.

Tommy clasped her hand, “Don’t sell your soul for us. We’ll find another way. I think we need to stick together.”

Sara smiled, “I’ll come back.”

“Promise me,” he held her hand tighter.

“I promise,” Sara flipped down her visor and her bike roared to life.

Tommy stood in the alley long after the sound of Sara’s bike had faded. Sara returning to the League was the last thing he wanted for his friend. He couldn’t help thinking it was a mistake for Sara to separate from the larger group. It would be easier for Slade to pick her off away from Oliver.

Tommy’s cell rang. He was expecting it to be Oliver asking him where he was. He was surprised to see a call from Sara’s dad. “Officer Lance, you can’t possibly have more questions for me.”

**2010**

The bar’s floor was sticky and it took effort for Tommy to place one foot in front of the other. It was taking all his concentration to keep from falling over as he pried his foot from the floor for each step. It felt like a major triumph when he staggered through the swinging door of the grimy men’s room. Tommy squinted in the too bright fluorescent light that flickered on and off as it took its final dying gasps.

Tommy made his way to the small, dirty sink and turned on the cold tap. He bent over and splashed cold water onto his face. Paper towels were a luxury the bar he was patronizing didn’t indulge in. He lifted the hem of his shirt and gingerly patted his face dry. When he lifted his eyes to examine his reflection in the mirror, he was unsurprised that his left eye was swollen or that his cheek had turned purple. He’d been reckless in his interaction with his father. Instead of walking past his dad on his way out the front door, he’d engaged his father in a pointless debate about his future. His father had shared his opinion about Tommy’s worthlessness and Tommy had responded by telling his dad to go fuck himself. It wasn’t all that unexpected when Malcolm’s fist connected with Tommy’s face. It had been a relief. The physical pain was a momentary relief from the constant ache he had inside his chest.

It had been six months since he’d returned from Hong Kong. Six months since he’d accepted that Oliver was never coming home to him. Six months since he’d slept through the night without dreaming of Oliver drowning in icy water. Six months since he could take a deep breath. Six months since he’d started to think it was unnecessary to keep a promise to a dead man.

Tommy pulled a prescription bottle from his front pocket and sat it on the ledge of the sink. There were twelve pills in the bottle – more than enough to do the job. It would be so easy to swallow them – one at a time. It could all be over. He could finally find some peace.

His palm pressed down on the top of the bottle as he twisted it beneath his hand. He felt the bottle pop open as two guys stepped into the bathroom. Tommy quickly closed his fist around the bottle and shoved it back into his pocket. He nodded at the men who both looked surprised to see Tommy Merlyn in the Glades. He pulled the bathroom door open and returned to the bar.

Tommy told himself it would be stupid to take the pills at the bar – someone would find him and get him to the hospital. He couldn’t do it at the Merlyn mansion. He wouldn’t do it at the Queen’s. If he was going to do this, he needed to go somewhere isolated where no one would find him and intervene.

He returned to his barstool and signaled the waiter for another three fingers of bourbon. If he got drunk enough, he might be able to stop thinking about the pills in his pocket. Tommy placed a hundred dollars on the bar. “Keep ‘em coming,” he instructed the bartender.

He tipped back the glass and shivered. The booze was cheap and burned as he swallowed. The bartender refilled his glass and eyed him warily. A billionaire with a black eye in the Glades wasn’t treated so much as an oddity but as something dangerous. Tommy’s decision to get drunk in a bar full of men who had already given up on life ever dealing them a winning hand wasn’t an accident. He didn’t want to be surrounded by people out drinking to have fun, or looking to get laid. He wanted to be surrounded by people who had surrendered to their grief – embraced their despair – abandoned hope.

Tommy was exhausted. Every single cell in his body was tired. He was tired of getting out of bed every day and pretending like life didn’t absolutely suck. He was tired of the pain that never went away. Oliver was his last thought every night and his first conscious thought every morning. It wasn’t getting any easier to live without Oliver, every day was slightly worse than the day before. He once read how people who lost a limb could still feel it – that they would still feel their missing arm – that it would hurt, itch and fall asleep – but there was no relief. That’s what it was like missing Oliver. He could feel him twenty-four hours a day, but there was no comfort, just a relentless ache reminding him of what he’d lost.

Tommy closed his eyes as he sipped his bourbon. He tried to remember the sound of Oliver’s voice when he called him, buddy, or the feel of his long fingers tugging on his hair. The memories were all there, but the sensation of those memories was just beyond his grasp. He no longer had comforting dreams of Oliver sitting with him as they talked and watched a sunrise, or of Oliver pressed against him on his bed. All he was left with was Oliver slipping beneath dark waters, forever outside of his reach.

He angrily wiped at a tear that leaked from his eye. No one would find him if he went to Bay Point. At this time of year, it might be days before someone would find him. If he swallowed the pills and fell from the cliffs, his body might be swept out to sea and he could finally be reunited with Oliver. Tommy hated himself for his weakness, but he was tired and didn’t think he could face another day. He wished the kidnapper in Hong Kong had killed him.

Tommy removed the bottle from his pocket and popped the lid. He removed a pill, pushed it between his lips and washed it down with bourbon. He repeated the process with a second pill and returned the bottle to his pocket.

“ _You promised._ ”

Tommy turned on his stool to find who’d spoken to him, but there was no one there. He pulled his cell from his pocket and opened his photo album. He selected his favorite photo of Oliver and trailed his finger across his friend’s face. Tommy had snapped the picture at a Rocket’s game the summer before the Gambit sank. Oliver had been leaning against a railing and was laughing at something Tommy was saying. Tommy remembered wanting to kiss Oliver so badly in that moment. He couldn’t remember what he’d said to make Oliver laugh like that, but he could remember his desire. He hated himself for not kissing Oliver. It shouldn’t have mattered that they were in public – but he had no way of knowing that their kisses were numbered. He closed his eyes and tried to remember how many kisses they’d shared between that moment of self-denial and the last kiss they shared the day Oliver left on the Gambit. He dug his fingernails into the palm of his hand at the pain of knowing there would be no more kisses or chances to make Oliver laugh.

Tommy’s hand felt for the pill bottle. He couldn’t wait for Bay Point. No one in this place would lift a finger to save him. He could find peace as easily in a filthy bar as he could at the ocean.

“ _If you ever do this again, I will never forgive you,_ ” Oliver whispered in his ear.

Tommy placed his hands over his ears and lowered his head as he began to cry, “You promised you’d never leave me.”

“ _Don’t do this_. _Thea needs you. I need you. Tommy, I love you. Don’t give up. Wait for me,_ ” Oliver requested gently against Tommy’s neck.

Tommy lurched on his barstool. He’d fallen asleep. He felt for the pill bottle and quickly rose to his feet. He made his way back to the bathroom and locked himself in a stall. He emptied the bottle of its remaining pills into his palm and stared at them. It would be so easy to make it all stop. His fist closed around the pills. He held his shaking fist over the toilet and then opened his hand. He watched as the ten pills slid from his hand and dropped into the bowl. Tommy stuck his fingers down his throat and brought up a stomach full of booze and the two pills he’d swallowed. He used his foot to flush the toilet.

Tommy wiped his eyes with his sleeve. He couldn’t go home. He needed to be with someone he could talk to until his desire to break his promise passed. It was too late to see Thea. She was asleep and he was drunk. He never wanted Thea to see him this broken. A face floated into his head and he knew she was who he had to speak to. Laurel would open her door. She would understand his pain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. Kudos and comments are always welcomed and appreciated. Hearing from you is my favorite part of the day.
> 
> The angst continues on Wednesday.
> 
> Prompt requests are encouraged.
> 
> You can also come say hi to me on tumblr. http://realityisoverrated-fic.tumblr.com


	6. Moira

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Slade escalates his revenge against Oliver with devastating consequences. In the past, Tommy is learning to live without Oliver.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for missing Wednesday's update. I had a severe allergic reaction after I posted chapter 5 and I lost the weekend to make my edits to chapter 6. I am feeling lots better now. Thank you to everyone who checked in on me to make sure I was okay. It's lovely to know that so many of you look forward to these updates. 
> 
> Episode 2x21 is referenced in this chapter.

**2010**

Tommy’s stomach and brain were having a battle of wills. The tantalizing smell of breakfast was slowly luring him from Laurel’s bed, however, his sense of shame and humiliation were forcing his brain to think of ways to sneak out of her place without being seen. He’d been at his absolute lowest when he’d turned up on her doorstep, drunk and weeping about how much he missed Oliver. Tommy was considering the irony of falling to his death, scaling down the side of Laurel’s building, after nearly taking his own life the night before, when his stomach growled. He sat up slowly, not entirely trusting that the cheap booze he’d drowned himself in wasn’t going to make an unwelcomed reappearance.

A glass of water and two tablets on the bedside table caught his eye. He swallowed the tablets and emptied the glass of water Laurel had considerately left for him. His clothing was neatly folded on Laurel’s dresser, next to a towel. He climbed, naked, from her bed and picked up his clothing and towel. His clothing had been freshly laundered and Laurel’s small gesture of kindness brought tears to his eyes. He’d half expected to find a note when he woke up that said, “Get the fuck out. I never want to see your pathetic face again.”

Tommy showered quickly, dressed and stripped the sheets from Laurel’s bed. He walked into her kitchen with the dirty linens. Laurel looked up from the bacon she was cooking and pointed to the other end of her kitchen where the washer stood. He quickly loaded the machine and turned it on.

“There’s coffee,” Laurel pointed to the coffee pot. “Mugs are in that cabinet.”

“Thank you,” Tommy said. “Would you like some?”

Laurel nodded, “Cream, no sugar.”

Tommy opened the fridge and removed the carton of half-n-half. He poured two large mugs of coffee and added a generous pour of cream to both. He held out a mug towards Laurel.

“Would you mind setting the table?” she asked, declining to take the mug. “I made a nice greasy breakfast for you. They always help my dad when he’s had too much to drink.”

“Sure,” Tommy said. He placed the two mugs of coffee onto her small table and began to set the table after Laurel instructed where he could find the plates and silverware.

“Would you mind buttering the toast? I hope rye is okay,” Laurel said as she placed the bacon on a paper towel and began to blot the grease.

Tommy did as Laurel instructed and he placed the plate of toast onto the table as Laurel set down a bowl of scrambled eggs and a plate of bacon. He sat down and stared at his empty plate. There was so much he needed to say, but he didn’t know where to begin. “Thank you,” he began.

“They’re just eggs, Tommy,” she smiled as she spooned food onto his plate.

“Not for the eggs,” he said. “I mean – thank you for the eggs – they smell delicious, but I’m thanking you for more than breakfast and washing my clothes. Thank you for letting me in last night.”

Laurel smoothed a napkin across her lap, “I was afraid if I didn’t let you in last night, I was never going to see you again.”

Tommy wanted to look away, but Laurel’s eyes were boring into him and held him captive, “I was afraid to be alone last night.”

Laurel squeezed his forearm, “Enough of that. Eat your breakfast before it gets cold.”

It had been a long time since Tommy had woken up in a woman’s bed and hadn’t made some lame excuse to flee the premises. He was out of practice as to what was considered polite breakfast conversation after a night of sex. Laurel didn’t seem to expect anything from him, so he picked up his fork and speared some eggs.

They ate in comfortable silence. Tommy studied Laurel as she sipped her coffee and took small bites of the meal she’d prepared for them. He wondered if she had ever done the same thing for Oliver. He had trouble imagining Oliver in such a domestic scene. It was the threat of such looming domesticity that had sent Oliver running into Sara’s arms.

“Are you going to stare at me all through breakfast?” she asked.

Tommy blushed, “Sorry. I’m just not sure what I should say to you.”

“What do you want to say to me?” she asked with a kind smile.

“Thank you,” he answered.

“You’ve already said that,” she reminded him.

“It doesn’t seem adequate,” he put down his fork, then took hold of her hand.

Laurel leaned forward, “I thought you’d want to ask me, why.”

“Why?” he asked with confusion. “Why what?”

“Why I slept with you,” she replied.

A witty retort died on his lips. Laurel deserved more than a snarky comment about his good looks and prowess in bed, especially since his performance the night before was far from his best. “Okay. Why did you sleep with me?”

“Last night, I told myself it was because you were sad and lonely and I was lonely,” she said looking out the window.

Tommy swallowed heavily, “And this morning?”

Laurel’s eyes slid from the window to Tommy, “I think I slept with you because it’s the best way I could hurt Ollie. I could’ve slept with every player on the Rockets and he wouldn’t have cared. I think you’re the only person that would’ve ever registered with him. I think you’re the only person on earth I could’ve actually hurt him with. If there is an afterlife, I hope he knows what happened last night.”

Tommy’s hands dropped to his lap. He stared at his fingers as he considered Laurel’s words. Revenge wasn’t the worst reason a woman had ever slept with him, but it wasn’t what he wanted to hear. “Ollie would’ve cared if you’d cheated on him.”

She laughed bitterly, “He would’ve been relieved. It would’ve given him a chance to finally have an excuse to walk away - for good.” Laurel scratched lightly at a spot on her table, “You’re the first person I’ve had sex with since Ollie died.”

“I feel like I should apologize,” he sheepishly grinned. He had sobered up by the time they had sex, but it hadn’t been a joyful experience. He’d been filled with a desperate need to feel connected to someone. What he’d lacked in finesse, he’d probably made up with intensity, but it wasn’t Laurel he’d been thinking of as they had sex. He imagined they’d been thinking about the same person.

Laurel laughed, “You don’t have anything to apologize for. It was nice to be held.”

Tommy clutched at his chest, “You really know how to inflate a guy’s ego. I feel like I should ask you for a second chance, for the sake of my pride. I can do better – much better.”

She shook her head as she picked up her mug, hiding her smile, “That is the worst line I’ve ever heard.”

“He loved you,” the words spilled from Tommy. “I know he didn’t always act like he did, but he did love you. You mattered to him. Your opinion of him, it mattered more than you’ll ever know. He just,” Tommy struggled to find the right words, “was terrible at expressing his emotions. He ran from them instead of facing them.”

“Did he love Sara? Was he in love with her?” she asked quietly.

“No,” Tommy answered. “He loved her, but he wasn’t in love with her.”

Laurel placed her hands over her face, as her shoulders began to shake, “I thought that’s what I wanted to hear.”

“You wanted them to be in love?” he asked with surprise.

Laurel lowered her hands, “Sara’s dead. Wouldn’t it be better that she died for love not because Ollie had an itch to scratch and she was angry with me?”

Tommy knelt by Laurel’s side and she leaned against him. “I don’t know,” he answered. “I don’t think it matters. They’re gone and we miss them.”

Laurel rose from the table. She ran her fingers through Tommy’s damp curls. He looked up at her and the sadness in her eyes made a lump form in his throat.

She bent down and kissed him softly on the lips, “This can never happen again.”

“I know,” he said, because he did. There could never be anything between them. Sleeping with Laurel was wrong.

Tommy picked up his plate, “I’ll do the dishes.”

Laurel took a step back, “I’ll dry.”

 

**2014**

Tommy ran through the doors of the emergency department and looked around the waiting room for anyone he knew. He skidded to a stop in front of the admission’s desk, “I’m looking for Moira, Oliver and Thea Queen.”

“Tommy,” Lance called out.

He ran down the hall towards the police officer, “What happened? Are they okay? I need to see them.”

Lance took Tommy’s arm and pulled him into an alcove, “I’m sorry, kid. There’s no easy way to tell you this. Moira’s dead.”

Tommy, his legs turning to rubber, staggered backwards until he fell against the wall, “How?”

“The limo they were riding in, it got hit by a truck. Slade Wilson grabbed them, took them to Arden Woods. He wanted Oliver to choose between Moira and Thea.”

“Oh god,” Tommy bent over at the waist, a wave of nausea rolling through him.

Lance placed a hand on Tommy’s back, “Moira told Wilson to kill her instead of Thea. He ran her through with a sword.”

Tommy clutched his head as the horror of what Lance was telling him played like a movie in his head. He could hear Oliver begging Slade to spare his mom and sister. He could picture Moira being dignified in the face of her fear because her love for her children had always made her brave. He could hear Thea screaming as she watched her mother die. Tommy took a deep breath and regained his focus. He needed to keep a clear head. He stood up straight, “Where are Ollie and Thea?”

“Oliver took off once he got Thea to the hospital. Thea needed to be sedated. She’s upstairs under police protection.” Lance looked apologetic, “I’m sorry kid, but I need someone to identify Moira’s body. I can wait for Oliver to return, or I can call Mr. Steele.”

Tommy ran his shaking hands through his hair. He doubted that Oliver was going to return anytime soon and, even though Walter had been married to Moira, it felt like if Oliver couldn’t do it, Tommy should. “No, I’ll do it, but I need to find Ollie and I need to see Thea.”

“I’ve called Felicity Smoak and Mr. Diggle. They’re looking for Oliver,” Lance said kindly. “Thea is asleep.”

“Right,” Tommy’s heart hammered in his chest. His mind was racing as he tried to think of what he needed to do next. He needed to prioritize – it’s what Moira would do. He had to trust that Felicity and Diggle would find Oliver and they’d locate Slade. He would take care of everything else.  Tommy stood up straight and squared his shoulders, “I need to see Moira.”

**2010**

“Oh, good, you’re awake,” Moira coolly observed.

Tommy opened one eye and immediately regretted his decision. Even in the low light of the limo, his hangover protested. He looked out his window and was confused by the Queen family jet. He’d assumed when Moira had picked him up from the hospital, they were going straight home, “Are you going somewhere?”

“Kindly remove your sunglasses so I can see your eyes while we talk,” Moira smoothed away invisible wrinkles in her skirt.

Tommy pushed his glasses to the top of his head and squinted at Moira. He waited for whatever lecture he knew she was gearing up to give him. It had been three weeks since he’d slept with Laurel. He’d been able to stay away from booze and drugs for about a week when a nightmare had him leaving his bed to find a woman who would be willing to share hers. He couldn’t have sex with a stranger without the help of alcohol and drugs, so he’d returned to his old habits. He’d awoken in the hospital with no memory of the past forty-eight hours, and a very angry Moira Queen sitting at his bedside.

“You and I are going to Colorado. I’m meeting with investors and once we land, you’re going to call Thea and tell her that you went to visit a friend from Harvard and you’ll be gone for a few weeks,” she explained.

“I don’t understand,” Tommy said. “Where am I going?”

“I’m taking you to a hospital to meet with a doctor,” she informed him.

Tommy was instantly alert and sat up straight, “A doctor? If this is about Oaxaca, that was a onetime thing.”

“Oaxaca?” she asked with disbelief. “You were found unconscious outside of a club last night.  Oaxaca was not a one-time thing. Your behavior has been escalating for the past six months and I’m no longer going to stand idly by and watch you self-destruct.”

“I don’t need to go to rehab,” Tommy promised. “I won’t drag you and Walter into anymore of my drama.”

“See, that’s what worries me. You have no intention of stopping whatever it is you’re doing,” Moira said sternly.

“I don’t need rehab,” he stated again.

“This is not a rehab facility,” Moira disclosed. “It’s a psychiatric hospital. Very discreet.”

“A psychiatric hospital?” Tommy’s heart raced at the thought of being confined. His hand reached for the door handle. Every fiber in his body was telling him to run and never look back. “Is this my dad’s idea?” he accused.

“Your father will not be told of this. This is my idea,” she removed his hand from the door handle and held it between hers. “Tommy, I’m worried about you.”

“I’m sorry I worried you, but you really don’t have anything to be worried about,” Tommy tried to pull free from her grip.

“I am worried. No, I’m beyond worried about you. Every time the phone rings late at night, I’m afraid that it will be the police calling to tell me that I’ve lost another son. Last night, when the phone rang, I thought it was going to be the call telling me that you were gone.” Moira wiped a tear from her cheek, “I will not stand-by and watch you kill yourself. I know you miss Oliver, I miss him too, but I won’t let you join him. Last night was my wake-up call. I will not ignore your behavior for one more minute and give you another chance to break our hearts.”

“I’m not trying to kill myself,” he protested.

Moira took hold of his chin, “Look me in the eyes and say that to me again.”

Tommy’s eyes filled with tears as he tried his best to convince Moira of something he was no longer sure he believed, “I don’t want to die.”

Tears spilled from her eyes, “You might believe that, but I no longer do. I think you are trying to kill yourself and make it look like an accident.”

“I won’t go,” Tommy adamantly refused. He pulled free from Moira’s grip, “You can’t make me.”

“You are going to get out of this car and get on that plane with me. If you don’t, here is what I’m going to promise you. You will not get to see or speak with Thea. You will no longer be welcome in our home. Neither Walter nor I will bail you out. When your father is in Starling, you will need to find somewhere else to avoid him. I will no longer protect you from him.”

Every word Moira spoke was like a knife slash to his heart. She was threatening to take away his home - the only place he ever felt safe. She was taking away the only two people left on the planet who loved him. “Why?” he sobbed.

“I love you. I don’t care if you hate me and decide you never want to speak with me again, but you are getting on that plane, Tommy, even if I’m forced to threaten you to do it. Rebecca and Oliver would expect nothing less from me.” Moira’s voice broke, “They would never forgive me if I allowed something to happen to you. I will never forgive myself if you hurt yourself again.”

“You’re not going to lock me away?” he voiced his real fear. His whole life he’d been waiting for his dad to have him committed and dumped into an institution where they’d keep him so drugged he’d forget his own name.

Moira clutched her hands between his, “I promise you, I’m not locking you away. I’m going to see you every day. I won’t return home to Starling unless you’re with me. Whatever is going on with you, we’re going to face it, together. Oliver might be gone, but, my sweet boy, you are not alone.”

Tommy looked back out the window as he weighed his options. Losing Moira and Thea wasn’t something he was strong enough to face. If the only way he got to stay in their lives was to go with Moira to Colorado, there was no choice to make. “Okay, I’ll go, but no one can ever know. He’ll kill me if he ever finds out,” Tommy said softly.

“Only Walter, you, and I will ever know the truth,” she promised. Moira knocked on the window and their driver opened the car door.

Ever the gentleman, Tommy exited the car first and reached back for Moira’s hand. She slid her hand into his and squeezed it reassuringly. At the base of the stairs to the jet, Moira gestured for him to go first. He rolled his eyes behind his sunglasses. It appeared there would be no escaping Moira’s plans for him. He stuck his hand into his coat pocket and was comforted by the presence of Oliver’s copy of, _The Odyssey_. As he slowly trudged up the stairs, there was a small part of him that was relieved that someone was going to make him stop before there was no coming back.

**2014**

The elevator opened in the basement of the hospital. Harsh fluorescent lights flickered along a seemingly endless corridor. Lance’s hand on Tommy’s back gently set him into motion. His legs reluctantly traveled the length of the hallway, his chest constricting painfully at the thought of what awaited him. Sooner than he wanted, he stood in front of a glass door with the word, morgue, etched in black. His hand hesitated on the knob. Everything would change the moment he stepped through the door. If he turned around, he could have a few more hours to pretend that Moira was sitting at home waiting for him with an indulgent smile and a kiss for his cheek. Once he walked through the door, he would be left with nothing but the truth. He turned the knob and stepped inside a small office.

Lance spoke with a man who gestured for them to follow. Tommy’s feet refused to move. Lance looked back over his shoulder and stopped walking. “We can take as long as you need,” he said kindly.

“No, I’m ready,” Tommy lied. He followed Lance and the medical examiner into a room with a body beneath a sheet.

The medical examiner pulled back the sheet to reveal Moira Queen. Tommy’s knees went weak and his focus narrowed to a single point. An anguished sob was torn from his throat as he looked at the woman who had been a mother to him from the moment his own mother died. It didn’t seem possible that she was gone. Moira had been a force of nature. A rock that could not be shifted, no matter how hard a storm raged against her. She had been the one constant in his life and now she was gone at the hands of a mad man. He reached out to touch her, but Lance grabbed his arm.

“I’m sorry, kid,” Lance said gently. “We still need to collect forensics.”

A lifetime of memories of Moira overwhelmed him. Tommy wrapped his arms around his chest and he wept standing over her body. Every time she’d called him, her sweet boy, or son, he’d missed his chance to tell her who she was to him. “Mom,” he cried.

Lance stood silently beside him with a hand on his back. Tommy eventually regained his composure.

“Tommy,” Lance’s voice was heavy with emotion, “I need you to formally identify her.”

Tommy swallowed heavily, “This is Moira Dearden Queen. She was my mom.”

**2010**

The music drifted across the gently sloping lawn from the country club to the cliffs overlooking the ocean. When the wind was right, Tommy could hear glasses clinking and the soft conversations of the guests. The sun was just beginning to set and the sky was turning a soft shade of pink. It had been a beautiful day for a wedding.

Even though the wedding had been attended by the elite of Starling City, the ceremony had been understated. Moira had worn an elegant cream satin suit that was guaranteed to be called sophisticated in the society pages. Tommy had given the bride away and Thea had been the maid of honor. Moira and Walter had exuded genuine happiness as they exchanged their traditional vows. Thea had smiled throughout the ceremony, and made everyone cry when she gave her toast, welcoming Walter into their family. It had been a beautiful wedding.

Once dinner was over and the dancing had begun. Walter had cut a dashing figure as he danced with Moira and then with Thea. Tommy had waltzed Moira around the ballroom and made her laugh as he made outlandish guesses about her wedding gifts. Once his obligations were over, he drifted away from the reception to walk along the cliffs. The reception had been full of laughter, love and joy, but it had made Tommy ache for Oliver. It felt wrong that Oliver wasn’t there to celebrate such a happy day.

In a few weeks, Tommy would be leaving for Stanford. He needed a change of scenery and a disciplined routine. His therapist thought school might be an ideal way to keep Tommy from returning to his past destructive behavior. It would also give him an excuse to leave his father’s house.

The hair on the back of Tommy’s neck stood on end. Tommy stepped away from the cliff’s edge and turned back towards the club. The last thing he wanted was a confrontation. “Dad,” he acknowledged as he passed him by on his way back to the reception.

“Is this how it’s going to be from now on?” Malcolm addressed Tommy’s retreating back.

Tommy stopped walking. He was unsure if he should ignore his dad, or engage him in conversation. He didn’t want to make a scene on Moira and Walter’s day. “Was there something you needed?”

Malcolm placed his hands into his pockets, “Do you have everything you need for school?”

“Yes,” Tommy answered. “I rented an apartment. The lawyers have all my details.”

“Are we going to be the type of father and son who only communicate through their lawyers?” Malcolm asked.

Tommy raised a brow, “I think it’s for the best. Less chance of me pissing you off.”

Malcolm sighed, “I don’t understand why you hate me. I’m your father, I’ve only ever wanted the best for you.”

Tears stung Tommy’s eyes. He couldn’t figure out what game his dad was now playing with him, but he knew enough not to trust his hollow words. “I should get back before I’m missed.”

“Moira and Thea, they aren’t your family. Now that they have Walter, they won’t need you anymore,” Malcolm said sympathetically. “When you screw up again, who is going to clean up after you? Not the Queens. Not Walter Steele. I’m the only one you can count on. Remember who pays your bills and makes sure you want for nothing.”

“Do you even hear the words as they leave your mouth?” Tommy asked angrily. “This past year, there have been, exactly, four people I could rely on for help – none of them were you. You left me in a Mexican jail.”

Malcolm rolled his eyes, “I was teaching you a lesson. I was trying to teach you that your actions have consequences. We’ll see how you do without my money. We’ll see how well you do when your credit cards stop working,” he said snidely.

Tommy scoffed, “Go ahead, dad. Cut me off. I don’t need your money.”

“Your trust fund doesn’t kick in until you’re thirty. I doubt you can make it until then,” Malcolm grinned viciously. “You might actually have to work for a living.”

“Enjoy the rest of your evening, dad. I’ll be staying with Thea until Moira and Walter are back from their honeymoon. I’ll stay out of your way until I leave for Stanford.”

“Maybe Moira will pay you for babysitting. It seems to be the only thing you’re capable of.” Malcolm grabbed Tommy’s arm and pushed back his sleeve, revealing his cuff. “I see Moira gave you Robert’s cufflinks. Is this your plan? Are you maneuvering yourself into their lives so you can marry Thea? Are you babysitting her to keep the competition away?”

Tommy yanked his arm free, “You’re a sick son of a bitch.”

“Thea is a beautiful young woman. I’m sure she’ll make you a lovely wife one day. I wonder how she’ll feel when she learns that her husband preferred sharing her brother’s bed,” Malcolm taunted.

Tommy’s fist clenched at his side.

“There you are,” Moira called out. “I’ve been looking for you everywhere.”

Tommy turned to find Moira rushing towards him with a tight smile on her face. Her eyes darted between Tommy and Malcolm before settling back on Tommy. She took his clenched fist between her hands and forced his fingers open as she smiled at Malcolm, “It’s a beautiful sunset.”

“Tommy and I thought we’d enjoy the view,” Malcolm smiled indulgently.

“Are you having a good evening, Malcolm?” she asked as she ran her thumb over Tommy’s knuckles.

“Yes, Moira. It was a lovely wedding. I’m sure Robert would be happy that you found happiness. I was never able to do the same after losing Rebecca, but our marriage was very different from yours.”

Tommy’s hand jerked in Moira’s hand, but she held him tightly. “I have been blessed to find my second chance with Walter,” she said sweetly.

“One should never waste a second chance,” Malcolm smiled. “I hope Tommy has learned this lesson.”

Moira hooked her arm through Tommy’s, “Thea is looking for you. She said the two of you have a surprise for Walter and me.”

“We do,” Tommy agreed. Thea and Tommy had rehearsed a song to be performed when a smaller group of wedding guests retired to the bar.

“I will leave you to it. I promised Frank I’d speak with him before I left,” Malcolm kissed Moira on the cheek before walking away.

“Are you okay?” she asked quietly as they watched Malcolm.

“I shouldn’t let him get under my skin. I know better,” Tommy said. “Three more weeks. I can do it.”

“Walter and I have postponed our honeymoon,” Moira said as she took a step back towards the reception.

“Moira, you don’t need to do that,” Tommy said guiltily. “I promise, I’m okay. I’ll take good care of Thea. I’m done partying.”

“It’s not that,” she rested her head on his arm as they slowly strolled across the lawn. “You’re leaving for school. I’ll miss having you around. Who is going to give me a hard time while I’m gone?”

“I’m pretty sure Thea is up for that job,” Tommy teased.

Moira laughed, “Yes, I’m afraid you’re right. Still, Walter and I can go away after you leave for Stanford. The four of us will spend the next three weeks together, as a family.”

Tommy wasn’t afraid of regressing, but he was afraid of having a run in with his dad with Moira out of town. It would be nice to spend his last three weeks in Starling with Moira and Thea. “Thank you, I’d like that,” he said.

“Oliver and Robert would be proud of you,” Moira said. “Stanford is the right move. You’ll do great things.”

Tommy draped his arm around Moira’s shoulder and kissed her cheek, “Careful. If you keep saying things like that, I’ll think you like me.”

Moira’s musical laugh rang out, “Who cares about like? I love you.”

Tommy’s heart swelled at Moira’s words, “I love you too.”

“I should hope so,” she teased. “Now, what’s this surprise? Should I be worried?”

“I don’t know,” he grinned. “How do you feel about interpretive dance?”

 

**2014**

Tommy stood by Thea’s side, their fingers linked together and heads bowed, as the minister led the mourners in prayer. The church was filled to capacity and Tommy was having a serious case of deja vous. It had been nearly seven years since Tommy had stepped foot inside this church with Thea’s fingers laced with his. Last time, they’d trailed behind Moira as she greeted the men and women who had come to pay their respects, this time, they followed her casket. Tommy’s eyes kept drifting to the empty spot that Oliver was supposed to be filling. He felt sick with the feeling that maybe Oliver’s return had been a hallucination and the past two years had been nothing more than a fevered dream. It seemed impossible that Oliver would choose to miss his mom’s funeral, but he wasn’t surprised that Oliver had run and left him to pick up the pieces. He glanced over his shoulder to find Felicity’s reassuring presence. She was standing with Diggle towards the back of the church with other QC employees. Everything felt wrong. Their lives had become a farce. He was desperate to have Felicity’s hand in his. He needed her. Oliver needed her.

Felicity looked up and met his eyes. She gave him a small smile that let him know that she wished she was standing by his side. He tilted his head towards Oliver’s empty seat and she shook her head. Tommy turned back to face the minister, but Thea was watching him. He placed a kiss to her forehead, “He’ll meet us at the cemetery.”

Thirty minutes later, Tommy let go of Thea’s hand so she could deliver her mom’s eulogy. She strode to the pulpit with her head held high and looked every inch the daughter of Moira Queen. Thea gazed across the congregation and then it fell upon her mom’s coffin. Her bottom lip began to tremble and she looked helplessly at him and sobbed, “Tommy.”

He stood up and quickly moved to her side. He placed his hand on her shoulder and whispered against her ear, “You can do this. I’m right here.”

“I can’t,” she rested her head against his chest.

Tommy gathered Thea into his arms, “It’s okay. We’ll do it together.”

She nodded and shifted so she was tucked into his side, “Thank you.”

Tommy cleared his throat, “Oliver, Thea and I would like to thank all of you for coming today to help celebrate the life of Moira Dearden Queen. Many of you knew her as a friend, business woman or philanthropist – we simply knew her as, mom. Moira had many accomplishments to her name, but I know that she was most proud of Oliver and Thea.”

“And you,” Thea said with a small upturn of her lips.

He smiled at his sister, “And me. She wasn’t perfect, even to those of us who love - loved her, but we never once doubted that she loved us.” He shook his head and gave a small laugh, “God knows we gave her plenty of reasons to throw her hands up and disown us, but she only loved us harder. She taught us that no matter how angry we got with one another, there was always room for forgiveness. She taught us that there is nothing we cannot face, if we face it together.” Tommy looked at Thea, “She taught us to love one another, because nothing is more important than family. We’re going to continue to put one foot in front of the other because she was the embodiment of strength in adversity and it is what she would’ve wanted from us. We’re going to continue to live our lives and honor her the best way we are able to, by sticking together and loving one another.”

Thea nodded her head and smiled bravely at him. She stood up straight before focusing on Moira’s casket, “Thank you for being our mom. We love you.”

**2011**

“You’re supposed to be finishing your case study,” Laurel admonished Tommy as he kissed her neck.

“I am studying,” he said as he started to unbutton her shirt.

She captured his hands, “You promised me that you would write for two hours.”

“I’m Tommy Merlyn,” he said. “We both know I don’t actually need to hand in this assignment to graduate.”

“That might be true, but wouldn’t you like to tell your dad to go fuck himself and his donations to Stanford?” Laurel placed her hand on his chest, “You sell yourself short to piss him off. The best way to piss him off is to prove you don’t need him.”

Tommy sighed heavily. Laurel was, as usual, right. Tommy had spent the past year busting his butt to prove to himself that he was his own man. “Thank you, counselor,” he kissed her briefly. “You’re right, I can do this without him.”

“I’m not a counselor, yet,” she pushed his laptop back towards him.

“You will be,” he handed her the prep book for sitting the bar.

“Are you going tomorrow?” Laurel asked, trying to sound casual.

Tommy pulled away from her, “I have to go. Moira and Thea expect me to be there.”

“You don’t think it’s a little ironic that they’re naming a library after Ollie?” she asked bitterly. “I don’t think he ever stepped foot in a library.”

“Ollie would laugh his ass off to know a library is being named for him,” Tommy said sadly as he imagined his best friend’s reaction.

“They’re trying to turn him into a saint,” Laurel put her book down heavily onto the coffee table. “They’re rewriting history.”

“No one is saying he was a saint, but he didn’t deserve to die,” Tommy said trying to keep a hold on his temper.

“And Sara deserved to die?” she asked angrily.

“Of course not. Neither of them deserved to die,” he replied irritably.

“You should go,” she stood up.

“Laurel,” he said on a sigh. He didn’t want to fight with her, not about Oliver.

“You’re always going to take his side,” she said sadly. “You’ll always love him more than you love me, and you have sex with me.”

Tommy did his best not to think too hard about her words. He never planned on telling Laurel the truth about his relationship with Oliver. He didn’t think she’d understand or be able to forgive him. He was in love with Laurel and he was having a hell of a time convincing her that he meant it. Admitting that he and Oliver had shared a dysfunctional sexual history wouldn’t help his cause. “Why do there have to be sides? Can’t I miss him and still want to be with you?” he wrapped his arms around her waist. “I love you. Please don’t be angry with me over this - I’m going to the dedication ceremony for Moira and Thea.”

Laurel dropped her forehead to his chest, “He still makes me so angry. I don’t know what to do with all of it. He died before I could tell him to get the hell out of my life. He got the last word – it’s not fair.”

Tommy grabbed a pillow from the sofa and he smacked Laurel on the side with it.

“What the hell, Tommy?”

He tossed her the pillow and picked up another, “Hit me.”

She rolled her eyes and dropped the pillow onto the sofa, “I’m not going to hit you.”

“That’s too bad,” Tommy grinned, raising his pillow aloft, “cause I’m going to hit you.” He hit her again on the side.

Her eyes went wide with shock, “You didn’t?”

Tommy hit her again.

Laurel made a small noise of surprise before she picked up a pillow and hit him.

A smile spread across his face, “You call that a hit?”

Laurel lifted the pillow above her head with two hands and brought it down on top of his head.

A small, ooff, escaped him and he hit her on the butt.

Laurel’s blows became more frequent and forceful as she began to cry. Tommy lowered his head and arms and allowed her to vent her frustration against his torso. “Fight back,” she yelled at him.

“I don’t want to fight you,” he told her.

Laurel threw her pillow to the ground and lunged at Tommy. She grabbed the front of his shirt and tore it open, sending buttons shooting across the room. She kissed him hard and backed Tommy towards her bedroom as she pushed the shirt from his shoulders. He fell onto the bed. She unbuckled his pants and pulled them off before removing her underwear. Laurel left her skirt on as she climbed on top of him. Tommy moved his hands to her hip, but she pulled them off and pressed them onto the mattress over his head. “I’m in control,” she informed him before she claimed his mouth in a searing kiss.

**2014**

Tommy surveyed the Queen living room. Thea was standing by the window, looking out the window at her mother’s rose garden. Walter stood with his arm around Thea’s shoulder. He was saying something that had made Thea smile softly. On the opposite side of the room, Felicity was standing with Diggle. Dig momentarily dropped his role as Oliver’s bodyguard when he handed Felicity his handkerchief. Felicity dabbed at her eyes as Dig comforted her. Tommy hated that he wasn’t the person providing Felicity comfort in public. Oliver had been missing for three days and he was as worried as Felicity was about where their boyfriend could’ve disappeared to. The hair on the back of Tommy’s neck stood up in alarm when Isabel Rochev approached Felicity and Diggle with a cruel smile. Tommy moved to intercept her. The last thing Felicity needed was for Isabel to twist the knife in about Oliver’s absence. A hand on his shoulder stopped Tommy midstride.

“Mr. Merlyn,” Sebastian Blood extended his hand, “I’m sorry for your loss. I was hoping to share my condolences with Oliver, but I haven’t seen him yet.”         

“Sebastian,” Tommy took his offered hand, “but I guess I should really be saying, Mr. Mayor. Congratulations on your victory.”

Sebastian shook his head sadly, “These aren’t the circumstances I wanted. When I was informed of her death Monday evening, I was deeply saddened by the news. Moira was a formidable candidate and she would’ve been a dedicated mayor. Her death is a loss to this city and to her children. It is a terrible thing to lose one’s mother, but I don’t need to tell you that.”

“I will tell Oliver that you were here. Thank you for coming,” Tommy said before turning back towards Felicity.

Felicity and Diggle were alone. He scanned the room quickly to make sure that Isabel hadn’t moved onto terrorizing Thea. Walter still had his arm protectively around Thea, so Tommy began walking towards Felicity. She tilted her head towards the door and he nodded in understanding.

Five minutes later, Tommy sat beside Felicity on the edge of the fountain in the garden.

“Christmas seems like years ago,” Felicity said taking his hand. “That night in the moonlight, I’d never been happier or more miserable.”

“Me too,” he laced their fingers together. That night seemed a lifetime ago. He’d never have imagined that, five months later, he’d be in a relationship with both Oliver and Felicity.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

“Where is he?” Tommy’s voice cracked. “I keep telling myself that I’d know it if he was dead.”

Felicity turned towards Tommy, “He’s not dead. If he were dead, Slade would rub our faces in it. Slade’s not done with us – not yet.”

“What did Isabel want?” Tommy asked, forcing his fears for Oliver aside.

“She was playing more of her games. She doesn’t know where Oliver is either. I think she was hoping we would tell her where he is.” Felicity dropped her head onto Tommy’s shoulder, “I can’t believe Sebastian Blood showed up.”

“He kind of had to. He’s the mayor and,” the sentence died on his lips as he remembered Sebastian’s words. “Felicity, what time did the anonymous call get made to 911 telling the police where to find Oliver, Thea and Moira?”

Felicity frowned, “It was just before two.”

“Tuesday morning,” he said.

“Yes, why?” she asked curiously.

“It’s probably nothing,” Tommy said, as he thought out loud, “but Sebastian said he found out that Moira died Monday night.”

“Maybe he hadn’t gone to bed yet,” Felicity’s eyes had narrowed as her brain ran through the other possibilities.

“Or maybe he knew Moira was dead before that 911 call was made,” Tommy said. “Roy was right about the blood drives. What if Sebastian’s sense of civic responsibility wasn’t being exploited by Slade?”

“You think he was running the blood drives to find test subjects for Slade?” Felicity asked.

Tommy wasn’t sure, but there were too many coincidences for his liking, “What would it take to link Blood to Slade?”

Felicity stood up, “I’ll see if I can find anything on his cell records or his email. Maybe Slade and Isabel have been in contact with him.”

“What can I do to help?” he asked.

“Look after Thea. Dig and I will find Oliver.” Felicity wrapped her arms around Tommy’s waist, “We’re going to find Oliver. We’re going to beat Slade.” She stood on her toes and kissed his cheek, “When this is all over, I’m going to hold you and tell you how sorry I am that you lost Moira. I know how much you loved her. She had her faults, but she did love you.”

Tommy pulled out of Felicity’s arms, he couldn’t afford to fall apart, “Find Oliver. When you find him, tell him - tell him that we’re always stronger when we stick together. Slade Wilson isn’t stronger than we are.”

**2012**

Packing, Tommy decided, was depressing. It was graduation day, but he’d decided to skip the pomp and circumstance to make headway in getting his stuff ready to move back to Starling. He’d rented an apartment, and, so far, it hadn’t triggered an angry missive from his father. The past two years had been the most peaceful he’d known since his mom died. He’d only seen his father at the holidays and on the anniversary of his mom’s death. Malcolm’s presence in Starling had been near constant, without long, unexplained disappearances. Tommy hoped his dad’s temper and explosive outbursts were mellowing as he aged.

A knock on his door made him smile. He assumed Laurel had forgotten something in her rush to leave that morning or she was taking pity on him and decided to help him pack.

“I knew you couldn’t resist me,” he teased as he threw his front door open.

“Not who you were expecting?” Thea asked as she walked past him.

“Good morning dear,” Moira kissed his cheek and handed him a garment bag.

“Moira. Thea. What are you doing here?” he asked with complete surprise.

“You’re graduating today, correct?” Moira asked as she peered into the box he’d just been packing.

“I am, but I’m not going,” he explained. Laurel didn’t want to be seen by the paparazzi attending his graduation and Tommy thought attending his graduation alone would be depressing. He didn’t see the need to sit in the blazing sun and listen to boring speakers.

“Nonsense,” she said imperiously. “I did not come all this way to just help you pack. I’ve come to see you graduate. Quick now, go get dressed.” She gestured at his face, “Shave that beard, I want to see your handsome face in the pictures.”

“I didn’t rent a gown,” he apologized, hating to disappoint Moira.

She pointed to the bag, “I did.” Moira clapped her hands together sharply, “Hurry now, I don’t want us to be late.”

Thea placed her hands against his back and began pushing him towards his bedroom, “I can’t believe they’re giving you a diploma. You always look confused.”

Tommy thrust his hand out and grabbed the doorframe of his bedroom. He turned to Moira, “Thank you. You didn’t have to come.”

“You really do say the most ridiculous things,” she smiled. “Go get dressed.  Thea and I will pack while we wait.”

“There better not be anything gross that will scar me forever,” Thea complained as he closed his bedroom door.

Tommy hung the garment bag on the back of his door. He unzipped the bag and ran his hand over the gown. It was hard to believe he’d made it to this day. Some days, he was amazed he was still alive. It didn’t seem possible, but the fifth anniversary of Oliver’s death was only three months away. For the first time, Tommy’s heart wasn’t seized with grief at the thought of Oliver. Life was moving on and Tommy was too.

**2014**

Tommy stood up when Oliver began to stir. Felicity and Diggle, with the help of Amanda Waller, had tracked down Oliver to a secret lair he’d failed to disclose to any of his partners. When Oliver told Felicity and Diggle about his idiotic plan to surrender himself to Slade, Tommy had fully supported their decision to knock Oliver out until they were able to get him to see reason.

Oliver sat up and took in his surroundings. “What did you do?” he growled at Tommy.

“Don’t use that tone with me, buddy,” Tommy said crossing the room. “I’m the one who should be using a tone. What the fuck were you thinking?”

“I was thinking that this ends now. Slade doesn’t get to hurt anyone else. He wants me dead. Let him kill me before anyone else suffers because of my mistakes.”

Tommy bit his tongue. He turned to Felicity and Diggle, “Would you mind giving us a minute?”

He waited for Felicity and Diggle to climb the stairs to Verdant, before he returned his attention to Oliver. “Thea and Walter missed you at the funeral,” Tommy informed Oliver.

Oliver’s shoulders sagged with defeat, “I wanted to go. I wanted to be there – for both of you, but I couldn’t. She’s dead because of me.”

“She’s dead because Slade Wilson is a fucking psychopath.” Tommy approached Oliver cautiously, “This isn’t your fault.”

“Of course it’s my fault,” Oliver hissed. “Five years ago, the choices I made sealed mom’s fate. I don’t want them to seal yours or Thea’s or Felicity’s or Dig’s.”

Tommy clasped Oliver’s face and brought their lips together. He poured all his grief and love into Oliver. When they pulled apart, Tommy said, “I’m so sorry about your mom. I’m sorry I wasn’t there when you needed me most.”

Oliver wrapped his arms around Tommy, “I’m sorry that you lost her too. Thank you for looking after Thea – for being there when I couldn’t.”

“Thea still needs you,” Tommy reminded Oliver. “You were the brother she needed today.”

“I’ll go see her, I promise.” Oliver nuzzled Tommy’s neck, “You’re going to have to let me go. This is only going to end with my death.”

Tommy’s fingers dug into Oliver’s back as he held him tighter, “You promised me that you’d never leave me. Don’t you dare break that promise willingly. Don’t you dare give up. I won’t survive your death again.”

Oliver dropped his forehead to Tommy’s, “Do you think I want to give up? I don’t know how else to keep you all safe. I don’t know how to beat him. We don’t have a cure. I don’t know where he’s keeping his Mirakuru army.”

Tommy kissed Oliver briefly on the lips before letting him go. He pointed to Felicity's workstation, “This is why you date people who are smarter than you.”

“What are you talking about?” Oliver limped his way to Felicity’s computers.

Tommy woke Felicity’s monitor and gestured for Oliver to take a look at what Felicity had discovered. His instinct had been correct. Sebastian had written his victory speech, including his condolences to Oliver and Thea for the death of their mother, two days prior to Moira’s death. “We figured out who else has been helping Slade Wilson.”

Oliver leaned over to read Felicity’s monitors. “Sebastian Blood?” he asked with disbelief.

“Mayor Blood isn’t who we thought,” Tommy said as he texted Felicity to return. “You can’t give up, Ollie. You still have work to do. I think it’s past time you congratulated Sebastian for his victory.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. Kudos and comments are always welcomed and appreciated. Hearing from you is my favorite part of the day.
> 
> One more chapter to go. Things will look brighter when this is all over, I promise.
> 
> I am going to do my best to post the last chapter of this story on Wednesday. There is a chance that I won't get my edits done before next Saturday.
> 
> Prompt requests are encouraged.
> 
> You can also come say hi to me on tumblr. http://realityisoverrated-fic.tumblr.com


	7. Unthinkable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Slade makes his final move against Oliver. In the past, Oliver returns from the dead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We've arrived at the final chapter of the season 2 rewrite. Thank you for reading.
> 
> There's a lot of physical violence and threats of sexual violence in this chapter.
> 
> Episodes 2x22 and 2x23 are referenced in this chapter. The Italian Restaurant (installment 3) immediately follows the conclusion of this chapter.

**2014**

Tommy handed Thea her train ticket, grabbed her hand and started running towards the platform. He needed to get her out of town before Slade brought hell back down upon the city. He’d promised Oliver that he would get Thea to safety, but he couldn’t leave Oliver and Felicity behind.

“Tommy,” Thea tugged on his hand, “slow down. The train doesn’t leave for fifteen minutes.”

Tommy skidded to a stop in front of the platform gate. “Damn it,” he looked around for a ticket agent.

“Relax,” Thea pulled free of his grip. “The train hasn’t started boarding yet.”

“I can’t relax until I know the police have found Slade Wilson. I just want you to be safe,” Tommy said as he paced in front of his sister, his eyes scanning the crowd for any sign of trouble.

“Come with me,” Thea pleaded. “We can look after each other.”

He stopped pacing and knelt in front of her, “I can’t, Speedy. I need to find Oliver.”

Thea looked away, her jaw ticking, “I told you. He’s fine. He came and saw me - gave a lame excuse for missing mom’s funeral – told me to get out of town.”

“Ollie messed up. I won’t defend him for missing Moira’s funeral, but he’s in pain. We all do stupid things when we’re in pain,” Tommy tried to reason. “Don’t stay mad at him. He loves you.”

“I’m getting pretty tired of everyone defending their terrible choices by saying they love me. It’s not enough,” Thea’s voice was hot with her anger.

“You’re right, Thea. Ollie and I, we need to get better about that. You’re not a little girl anymore and we need to stop treating you like one. It’s a habit, but I promise, we’re going to do our best to break it.” Tommy squeezed his sister’s hands, “Once Slade is gone, we will come for you. The three of us will sit down and figure out how this family is going to function from now on.”

“No more lies,” Thea demanded.

Tommy didn’t want to lie to their sister anymore, but he and Oliver were drowning in secrets. He wished he could tell her everything, but he was terrified. He hoped that Thea would accept his relationship with Oliver, but he wasn’t sure that she would. Oliver’s green secret was even more concerning. Before he could add another lie to his list, a scream echoed through the station. He rose to his feet, craning his neck to see what was causing the crowd to panic. A body flew through the air and the crowd began pushing and shoving. Pulling Thea to her feet, he said, “We’ve got to go, now.” Thea grabbed for her suitcase. “Leave it,” he instructed.

Grateful that Thea was wearing sneakers, he hurdled the platform gate. Thea was right behind him. He took hold of her hand and ran down the platform, looking for an open car to hide Thea in. None of the compartments were unlocked. Mist was filling the platform where the station was opened to the trainyard. Running around a working trainyard in the fog was dangerous, but it seemed far less dangerous than facing Slade’s Mirakuru army. He needed to get Thea away, and hiding in the fog seemed like their best option. Tommy increased his speed, and Thea easily kept up.

They were a train car length away from the end of the platform, when Tommy stopped short. A masked figure was emerging from the fog. He began to back up, Thea pressed against his back.

“Who is that?” Thea’s voice trembled.

“If we get separated,” he turned to face her, pressing his car keys into her hands, “go to Merlyn Manor. Hide in my old room. You remember which window is loose in the dining room?”

“Tommy,” her eyes were focused on the man slowly approaching them.

“You have to leave the city. Do you understand?” he asked sharply.

“Yes,” she nodded.

Tommy kissed her forehead, “I love you. Don’t ever forget that.”

“Tommy,” tears spilled from her eyes, “I love you.”

“Run, Thea. Don’t look back. No matter what, don’t stop.” When she hesitated, he raised his voice, “Run.”

As soon as Thea took off down the platform, Tommy returned his attention to the masked soldier. He put himself between the monster and his sister, his eyes roving the area around him, looking for anything he could use as a weapon. A fire extinguisher caught his eye, and he stepped slowly towards it. The soldier came at him, running faster than he’d ever seen a man run. Tommy’s fingers closed around the fire extinguisher and he swung it at the soldier right before he collided with him. The impact of the soldier against the fire extinguisher, crumpled the metal, causing a small explosion that sent Tommy and the masked man flying in opposite directions. Tommy slammed against a train car window with such force, the glass cracked. He fell to the ground with a stomach-turning thud.

Tommy’s whole body screamed in pain. The arm he’d been holding the fire extinguisher with felt like it was on fire. He was certain it was fractured. He struggled to take a deep breath, his ribs protesting as they expanded. They weren’t broken, but they were bruised. The soldier was on top of him before Tommy could even begin to think about moving. The masked man’s fingers wrapped around Tommy’s throat and lifted him off the ground, his feet dangling two feet from the platform. Tommy clawed futilely at the soldier’s hands, trying to free himself from the vice like grip as spots danced in front of his eyes.

“Get the fuck off my brother,” Thea shouted as she slammed a pipe against the soldier’s back.

Tommy couldn’t get enough air into his lungs to yell at Thea to run. She was supposed to be getting away. She was supposed to be safe.

The soldier, without releasing Tommy, wrenched the pipe from Thea’s grip and tossed it through a train window. He grabbed Thea by the throat and lifted her from the ground. Tommy watched helplessly as Thea’s feet kicked at the air. He couldn’t let his sister die, not like this. His eyes drifted down the body of the soldier and landed on a gun strapped across his chest. The arm the soldier was holding Tommy with was bent, bringing him within reach of the gun. He stretched for the weapon and managed to get his fingers around it. He pulled the gun, flipped the safety and fired two shots, point blank, into the soldier’s chest. Blood blossomed on the soldier’s jacket, but he didn’t even flinch. He let go of Thea, reaching for the gun. Tommy tossed the gun aside before the soldier could take it and use it against him. The soldier dropped Tommy as four arrows landed in the center of his back.

Tommy pulled himself on his belly towards Thea, who remained motionless on the concrete. “Thea,” he rasped. His sister didn’t move. He kept his eyes on the soldier and a hooded man, dressed all in black. He didn’t need to see the man’s face to know he was looking at his father. Tommy needed to get Thea away before she had to face someone far more dangerous than a Mirakuru fueled criminal.

“Thea,” he shook his sister, “you need to get up.”

Tommy struggled to his feet, trying to lift Thea into his arms. His ribs protested, causing him to drop to his knees. “Thea, please. You need to get up.”

The sound of gurgling drew Tommy’s attention back towards the soldier and his father. Malcolm had driven an arrow through the soldier’s throat. The soldier collapsed to the ground. Malcolm stood tall, straightening his shoulders as he pushed his hood back. “Tommy,” he sneered.

Tommy gently lowered Thea to the ground and forced himself to his feet, putting himself between Malcolm and Thea. “Stay away from us,” he growled.

Malcolm rolled his eyes, “I saved your life. I saved her life. This, is the thanks I get.”

“You can’t have her,” Tommy stepped closer to his father.

“And who is going to stop me?” Malcolm laughed, “You?”

“Yes,” Tommy’s fists clenched at his sides. “I won’t let you hurt her.”

“She’s my daughter,” Malcolm sneered, inching closer with every word, “and she’s coming with me.”

“She’s not. She’s a Queen,” Tommy stepped closer to his father. “You’re too late to taint her with your version of love. She’s kind. She’s loyal. She’s good. She’ll never be like you. You’ll never have her.” Tommy smiled, “Thea is Robert’s daughter.”

Tommy had steeled himself for his father’s inevitable punch. The blow landed solidly against his jaw, but Tommy held his ground. Thea stirred behind him. Tommy just needed to stay on his feet and keep Malcolm distracted long enough for her to slip away. He turned his head back towards his father, “Is that all you’ve got? You’re starting to show your age, old man.” Tommy landed a fast jab to Malcolm’s jaw.

Malcolm, staggered backwards, laughed and spit a mouthful of blood to the floor, “Oliver taught you to throw a punch.”

“No, dad,” Tommy grinned, “you did.”

 Malcolm’s fist landed hard against Tommy’s stomach, “You never did know when to keep your mouth shut.”

The pain was blinding, but Tommy forced himself to take a deep breath and stand up straight. “You can’t hurt me anymore. You don’t have power over me. I know what you are.”

Malcolm laughed, “Enlighten me, son. Tell me what I am.”

“You’re weak and small. You picked on me because I was a child and because you could,” Tommy willed Thea to move faster.

“I tried to knock the pathetic out of you. I tried to turn you into a son – a man – I could be proud of. I should’ve drowned you like the unwanted whelp you were, but I could never deny your mother. Your mom wanted children, I only agreed to make her happy. She left us and I was stuck with a sniveling child who could never stand on his own two feet without someone else propping him up.” Malcolm’s fist landed against Tommy’s ribs, “I should’ve slit your throat when I realized what a deviant you are. I have a second chance with Thea and I’m not going to waste it. She’s stronger than you. She will be a child I can be proud of.”

Tommy’s vision went black with his dad’s second blow to his ribs, but he stayed on his feet through sheer force of will. He’d stopped fearing death a long time ago, and as a third blow landed against his ribs a sense of peace washed over him. He no longer felt any pain. When he finally died at his dad’s hands, it would be knowing that Thea was his sister, and that Oliver and Felicity had wanted him – Tommy Merlyn, the broken man that no one ever wanted. His dad could take his life, but he would never break him. He straightened his shoulders and smiled at his dad. For a split second, he thought he saw fear and uncertainty in his father’s eyes before they returned to showing him contempt. Tommy spit a mouthful of blood onto the concrete, “You’re going to have to hit me a lot harder than that.”

“With pleasure,” Malcolm grinned, pulling his fist back.

“Touch him again, and I will blow your fucking head off,” Thea snarled.

Thea stood by Tommy’s side, her arms extended, the gun in her hands pointed at Malcolm’s chest.

Malcolm lowered his arm and smiled at his daughter, “Thea. I’m here to save you. I came to get you to safety.”

“I don’t need you to save me,” Thea growled.

“If I hadn’t come when I did, you’d both be dead. He can’t protect you. He can’t even protect himself,” Malcolm said with exasperation.

“Thank you,” she said bitterly. “Tommy and I will be fine on our own from here. We’ve been saving each other for years.”

“He’s turned you against me,” Malcolm sighed. “Thea, I’m your father. I love you.”

“I know what it means to be loved by you. I don’t want your love. You’re poison,” she hissed.

“Don’t listen to Tommy. He’s not like us. He’s weak,” Malcolm’s jaw twitched.

“Weak?” Thea asked incredulously. “You have no idea who he is, do you? My brother has never been weak, not a day in his life. Tommy survived you without becoming you. He’s the strongest person I’ve ever known.” Thea gestured towards the end of the platform, “Get out of here. I never want to see you again.”

“Did your brother tell you that he held a gun on me the night of the Undertaking? Did he tell you he could’ve saved all those people if he’d only had the balls to pull the trigger,” Malcolm sneered as he took a step closer. “I don’t think you have it -”

Thea pulled the trigger and Malcolm fell to the ground.

Thea shoved the gun into the waistband of her jeans, before wrapping her arm around Tommy’s waist, “Come on, let’s get out of here.”

Tommy swayed as he tried to move. He focused on his feet and forced them to take one step and then another. “Are you okay?” he managed to ask.

“Am I okay?” Thea laughed with disbelief. “I’m not the one who decided to play human punching bag. What were you thinking?”

“I was stalling for time,” he said as he continued to lurch forward, towards the fog. “You don’t listen. I told you to run.”

“Did you really believe I’d leave you behind?” she staggered beneath his weight. “You’re an idiot”

“So you keep reminding me,” he braced his hand against a pillar to catch his breath.

“No one else is dying for me.” Thea staggered under Tommy’s weight as he swayed. She managed to keep them both on their feet and they resumed their path towards the fog.

The sound of applause echoed across the platform. Malcolm smiled with delight, “You’re absolutely perfect, Thea. I knew I was right about you.”

“I’ll shoot you again.” Thea placed herself in front of Tommy and pointed the gun back at Malcolm, “This time, I’ll aim for your head.”

“Yes, I do believe you would. I’m proud of you, Thea. I think we could do great things together – you can be so much more than what Oliver and Tommy want you to be. I’ll be in touch,” he promised before turning away from them and heading back towards the interior of the station.

“We need to get you to the hospital,” Thea said, taking more of Tommy’s weight onto her petite frame.

“No hospitals. I need to hide you from Slade. I have to get you out of the city.” He could see the argument on her lips, and cut her off, “Please, Speedy.”

“Fine,” she huffed. “You’re an even bigger idiot than I originally thought.”

“Fair enough,” Tommy agreed.

The sound of Malcolm grunting drew their attention. The soldier Malcolm had dispatched was back on his feet and trading blows with Tommy’s dad.

“Keep moving,” Tommy lowered himself to the platform and slipped off the edge. He held out his arms to Thea who was watching their father fight. “Don’t look at them, Speedy. We need to go.”

Thea allowed Tommy to help her from the platform. He watched with a mixture of disbelief and horror as the soldier ran his father through with an arrow. He clutched Thea’s head against his chest so she wouldn’t see a second parent, albeit Malcolm, killed.

 “We have to go,” he whispered. He held her tightly against his side and, together, they disappeared into the fog.

 

**2012**

Tommy stalked through the lobby of Merlyn Global. He waved off the security guards who attempted to stop him as he insistently pushed the elevator button. He was filled with a red-hot rage that hadn’t diminished as he drove across town. He stepped into the executive elevator and pulled the security card from his wallet and swiped it. He wasn’t surprised that his dad hadn’t turned off his access to the building, he’d never been seen as a threat.

He watched the floors tick by as he muttered under his breath. His dad had done a lot of terrible things to him, over the years, but this was, by far, the worst. His dad’s assistant was waiting for him when the elevator doors opened.

“Is he in his office?” he asked as he stepped by the woman he’d known his entire life.

“Yes, Mr. Merlyn, but he is in the middle of a meeting,” she ran after him.

“Well, Gloria, he’s about to be in a very bad mood. I apologize, but I’m about to ruin the rest of your day,” he said apologetically.

“Tommy, he’s already in a terrible mood,” Gloria cautioned him.

Tommy smiled, “Good.” He was hoping his dad would lose his cool enough to reveal his true self to the world. He was tired of being the screw up son of the sainted Malcolm Merlyn, entrepreneur and philanthropist.

He threw open the double doors to his dad’s office. There were three men and two women seated at the table taking notes as his dad paced. Everyone but his dad jumped at his arrival.

“Tommy,” Malcolm said with a bland smile, “what a pleasant surprise.”

“I’m sorry, Mr. Merlyn,” Gloria said breathlessly, “I told him you were in a meeting.”

“That’s all right, Gloria. We were ready for a break anyway.” Malcolm turned his attention to the people at the table, “Let’s reconvene in an hour.”

The men and women scurried out of Malcolm’s office. Gloria followed them, closing the door behind her.

“A tad dramatic, don’t you think?” Malcolm asked.

“You had me fired,” Tommy seethed.

“I did. I told you I would,” Malcolm sat behind his desk.

“I’m the head of the board, not you. You had no right,” Tommy shouted.

“Yes, you’re the head of the board, but all of the board members know which Merlyn is the most important. They don’t need anything from you, me, however, they need.”

Tommy shook with anger. “I have more money than you,” he needlessly reminded his father, “or, is that what this is about? Mom made sure that you couldn’t get your hands on her fortune.”

“You don’t have more money than I do. Your money is tied up in a trust until your thirty, and I think we both know that you’ll drink and whore it all away before you’re forty – if you even live that long. Don’t you worry, my lawyers have a plan on how we’re going to save you from yourself. I won’t watch you piss away your legacy.”

“Mom left her clinic and her money to me so I would continue her work. I might not be a doctor, but I can still make sure her vision for her clinic and the Glades comes true.”

“Your mother was a bleeding heart who thought people were more good than bad. Her sentimentality got her killed. I will not stand by and watch you do the same.” Malcolm drummed his fingers against his desk, “I must admit that I’m surprised you’ve shown up for work every day for almost three months – you might actually be trying to change. If you want a job, you can come to work here. This is where you belong.”

“I will never work for you. I don’t want to have anything to do with you or your company.”

Malcolm waved his hand dismissively, “Go back to drinking and screwing your way through the city. Being a disappointment is all you’ve ever been good at.”

Tommy’s anger was replaced by profound sadness, “I don’t know why you hate me. My whole life, I’ve tried to be the son you wanted, but nothing I did was ever good enough for you. Why can’t you let me have this one thing? Let me run the clinic’s foundation.”

“We’re done discussing this. I don’t want to hear about this from you again,” Malcolm said without looking up from his computer. “If you want a job, come work here, otherwise, go back to being a useless playboy.”

“Dad,” Tommy pleaded.

Malcolm’s eyes burned with anger, “Go home, Thomas. I have nothing more to say to you.”

Tommy turned without saying another word and left his dad’s office. He ignored Gloria as he walked by her desk. The elevator ride to the lobby felt like an eternity. He passed through the lobby, oblivious to the stares of the Merlyn Global employees who were surprised to have a sighting of the wayward heir.

The engine of his Porsche roared to life. Two years ago, he would’ve called any number of women in his phone and offered forty-eight hours of debauchery, but he was no longer that man. Tommy had better ways to cope with disappointment. He checked the forecast on his phone and was relieved to see clear skies predicted for the next week. His mind made up, he put his car into gear and headed towards the marina.

 

**2014**

Destruction greeted Tommy as he stepped through Verdant’s wide open doors.  The front doors were off their hinges, tables were overturned and glass was everywhere.  Water gushed from the sprinklers, the fire that set them off, long extinguished.

Tommy had left Thea hidden at the abandoned Merlyn Manor. With his dad dead, again, Tommy wasn’t worried anyone would find her there. He’d managed to reach Felicity on her cell, but their connection was poor. Oliver’s injured knee was worse and, according to Felicity, he didn’t seem to have his head in the game. Slade’s minions had managed to intercept the cure and Amanda Waller was threatening to drop a bomb on the city. It appeared they were all running out of options.

"Ollie?" Tommy shouted.  "Felicity?  Dig?" He grabbed a flashlight from behind the bar.

He slipped on the wet floor as he ran from the abandoned club to the basement door. He breathed a sigh of relief that the door was still locked.  He punched in the key code and ran down the stairs without caution.  Tommy's heart leapt into his throat when he saw the lair in ruins.

Tables were crushed, glass cases shattered, and Felicity's equipment was everywhere.  Tommy carefully climbed over the lighting rig, hoping he wasn't going to find Roy dead.  The med table was empty, and there was no sign of his mouthiest employee.  "Roy?" he called out hesitantly.  If Roy was up and moving, Tommy needed to be careful.

There wasn’t any sign of the Arrow's suit, bow, or quiver.  Tommy hoped that Felicity hadn't been present when Slade and his soldiers swept through.  He pulled out his cell and cursed that he still didn't have any service.  He was desperate to find Felicity and Oliver.

His eyes landed on the medical cart. His arm throbbed and breathing was agony. Tommy weighed taking something for the pain against needing to keep a clear head. Deciding Oliver had stoicism more than covered in their relationship, Tommy landed on the side of pain meds. He rummaged through the drawers until he found a bottle of Dig’s special aspirin. He swallowed two oxy tablets and turned back towards the stairs. If Oliver wasn’t at Verdant, there was a chance he’d gone to QC.

A noise from the back of the foundry drew his attention.  Tommy gingerly climbed over the wreckage towards the training mats, "Felicity, is that you?"

A figure moved in the shadows causing the hair on the back of Tommy's neck to stand on end.  Whomever was in the basement with him, they weren't his friend.  He slowly backed away from the approaching figure.  He'd barely survived his encounter with his dad and Slade’s soldier at the train station.  He wasn't in any shape to confront another soldier. He angled himself towards the case that held Oliver’s explosive arrows. The Mirakuru made the men impervious towards bullets, but a concussive blast should slow one of them down long enough for Tommy to slip away.

"Mr. Merlyn," Slade Wilson said as he slithered out from the shadows, "I'm so glad you finally arrived.  I was worried you were going to deny me the pleasure of your company."

"Where are Felicity and Roy?" Tommy asked. 

"Unfortunately, we missed one another.  Oliver was more concerned about their safety than yours, but I would guess you're used to Oliver putting everyone ahead of you," Slade said with malicious glee.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Tommy said, backing around the table.

"You don't look so good," Slade said with feigned concern.  "Did you run into trouble on your way here?"

"Nothing I couldn’t handle," Tommy said with as much bravado as he could muster.

"You’re not afraid of me?" Slade asked with surprise.

"No," Tommy answered.

"I killed the woman who called you son," Slade said as he circled Tommy.

"You did," Tommy stood his ground and refused to follow Slade’s movement. Now was not the time to show weakness.

"And yet, you're not afraid of me," Slade reappeared in front of Tommy.

"I was raised by a monster.  I haven't been afraid of death in a very long time," Tommy replied.

Slade stepped closer and stared at Tommy with his one good eye, "You think me a monster?"

"You murdered a woman in front of her children to punish a man for a death he wasn't responsible for," Tommy stated. “I think that qualifies you.”

Slade’s face turned crimson as he stepped into Tommy and bellowed, "Shado is dead because of Oliver Queen."

Tommy didn't flinch, "Shado’s dead because of the murdering rapist, Anthony Ivo.  I'm sorry for your loss, I truly am.  I know what it feels like to lose the person you love most in this world.  I know what it feels like to be the one left behind."

"Laurel Lance," Slade took a step back.

Tommy remained silent.

Slade grinned, his temper gone as quickly as it came, and pointed at Tommy.  "You are far cleverer than I have given you credit for.  You outplayed Ms. Rochev.  I had not counted on that."

“I am my father's son," Tommy said with false pride.

Slade shook his head, “I have researched you.  You're nothing like your father.  You wear the mask of a selfish idiot, yet you anonymously give away your fortune to charities, and you outsmarted one of the most ruthless women I've ever known."

"Isabel Rochev isn't that smart. She’s an entitled bitch and blinded by her need for revenge.  She forgot that the board likes stability and profitability." Tommy shrugged, "I just took advantage of her blind spot."

A deep rumble of laughter echoed through the foundry. Slade shook his head with amusement, "Don’t forget the bribery."

"Bribery was one of the few lessons I learned from dear old dad," Tommy said seriously.  It wasn't that long ago that he’d paid a bribe to the building inspector to keep Verdant’s basement out of the inspection for their business permit.

"Along with teaching you not to fear death," Slade said.

"There are worse things than death," Tommy said. 

"What do you fear, Mr. Merlyn?  I wonder?" Slade asked with a callous smile.  "It's not pain.  You know how to take a beating.  Your father saw to that."

"Fear is pointless," Tommy said.

"No, fear teaches you self-preservation." Slade ran his hand over his beard as he studied Tommy.  "Men who beat their children are not men."

"I don't disagree," Tommy said.

"I have a son, but I have chosen to let him believe me dead. I don’t want to do to him what your father did to you. You’re damaged," Slade said as he began circling Tommy again.  "Now I understand why Oliver keeps you around.  You were already broken - easy to manipulate - easy to control."

"You have no idea who Oliver really is.  He is my friend.  He still calls you friend.  He knows the Mirakuru has done this to you."

Slade became increasingly agitated with every word he spoke. "I don't hate Oliver because of Mirakuru.  I hate him because he made Shado believe he loved her, but he was really in love with someone else.  I thought it was Sara, or Laurel, but I was wrong.  It's you.  It's always been you."

Tommy was prepared to deny it - the words were always at the ready, but in this moment, the truth might save everyone he loved.  Felicity and Thea would be safe.  Oliver would have them both and he’d learn to live without Tommy.  "You're right.  It's always been Oliver and me.  The women, they were all a lie.  I love Oliver and he's in love with me."

Slade smiled, "Thank you, for the truth, Mr. Merlyn.  I'm almost sorry that I’ll need to take your life."

Slade handed Tommy a cell phone. A video was playing. Tommy felt sick as he realized that Slade had planted cameras in the mansion. He watched as Oliver kissed him in the hallway outside of their bedrooms in the mansion. It was a tender kiss and the love on Tommy’s face was there for Slade to see.

“You won’t win,” Tommy explained to Slade. “You can take my life and you still won’t win. You can kill us both, but we’re at peace. There are no more secrets between us.”

Slade grabbed hold of Tommy’s chin, before shoving him to the floor, “You’re a pathetic fool. Oliver Queen is nothing more than his secrets and they are going to cost you your life.”

“I’ve been reading up on you,” Slade sneered. “You and Oliver made quite the team when you were younger. The papers speculated that you were the mastermind, but really, we know the truth. You were nothing more than a puppy that followed around after him looking for his scraps. Was that how you ended up with Laurel? Was that what attracted you to her – that he’d been there first? You got off on his sloppy seconds?” Slade unsheathed his swords and ran it’s point down Tommy’s throat, torso and then stopped just below his belt buckle, “He used to call out for you in his sleep. What do you think he was dreaming of?” Slade sheathed his sword, “I was angry when I learned Laurel had died before I could enact my plan. I was going to make him choose between Laurel and his sister, but now my plan is so much better. He’s in love with you,” Slade laughed. “I don’t know how I missed it before. Do you think he’ll beg for your life?”

Tommy remained silent. As long as Slade was focused on him, Thea and Felicity were safe. He watched the large man warily. He recognized a man unhinged by his own anger - he had seen it enough in his own father. One false word or movement could result in a severe beating or his death and Tommy needed to keep himself the focus of Slade’s rage long enough for Oliver, Felicity and Diggle to enact their plan. If any of them were going to survive Slade’s vendetta, Tommy needed to be smart and stay alive long enough for Oliver and Felicity to steal back the Mirakuru cure.

“You have nothing to say? I’m surprised. I expected you to deny that you’re Oliver Queen’s lover.” Slade taunted.

Tommy stared blankly at a spot on the floor. Malcolm had also taught him how to be submissive.

Slade grabbed Tommy by the front of his shirt and hauled him to his feet with one hand, “I don’t think it’s possible the kid ever truly loved you. You probably were willing to suck his cock for him, so he made you promises in the dark.”

Tommy felt panic at Slade’s words. He needed Slade to believe that he was the love of Oliver’s life. He slowly raised his eyes and looked Slade in the eye.

A wicked grin spread across Slade’s face, “Ah, there you are. Oliver likes his lovers to have some fight in them. Are you ready to tell me about you and Ollie?”

“Ollie has been in love with me since we were twelve years old,” Tommy told Slade. “We were each other’s firsts – kiss – orgasm – virginity,” he lied for all he was worth. “Ollie never loved Laurel as more than a friend. She was his beard. Later, she was mine. Laurel covered for us, so Ollie and I could be together. We might’ve been forced to hide our love from the world, but it doesn’t make it any less real.”

Slade released him and began to pace, “Oliver had sex with Shado. He likes women.”

“No, Ollie likes sex,” Tommy eyed Slade up and down, “and his options were limited.” If he could convince Slade that Oliver was gay, not bi, maybe he could prevent a target from ever landing on Felicity.

“On your knees,” Slade commanded. “Hands behind your back.”

Tommy lowered himself to his knees and placed his hands behind his back. Slade wasn’t going to kill him, not immediately. Slade wanted an audience when he took Tommy’s life.

Slade wrenched his arms, causing Tommy to cry out in pain. “I bet Oliver liked you in this position. Submissive. Willing to take his cock in your mouth and your ass.” Slade zip-tied Tommy’s wrists together at the small of his back. He pushed Tommy’s knees apart and knelt behind him, his chest pressed against Tommy’s back, his hand around Tommy’s throat. Slade’s breath was warm and moist against Tommy’s ear, “How do you think Oliver would feel knowing we fucked? Would it break his heart like he broke mine with Shado? Do you think he’d care? I could record me fucking you and send it to him, or, I could fuck you and make him watch and then slit your throat.”

A sack was placed over Tommy’s head and his heart began to race. Slade was far crazier than he originally believed. He was more than a little terrified to be raped, but he was more afraid for Felicity, Thea and Oliver. If Slade was willing to rape Tommy to punish Oliver, there would be nothing to keep him from raping Felicity or Thea. His mind raced. He wasn’t sure what he should do or say to keep Slade occupied. The more time he focused on Tommy, the less time he’d be worrying about what Oliver was up to.

Slade laughed and rose to his feet, “Relax, kid.” He slapped Tommy on the back so hard, Tommy fell forward and hit the concrete. “I’m just teasing. I don’t want to fuck you – I’m just going to kill you.”

The sound of heavy boots echoed throughout the foundry.

“Bring him,” Slade growled. “I don’t want him more damaged than he already is.”

Two sets of hands grabbed Tommy’s arms and hoisted him to his feet. He had no way of knowing if he’d bought Oliver and Felicity enough time. He had to put his faith in the people he loved and pray that he would be worthy of their love when the time came.

 

**2012**

Tommy finished tying off the Sunnybrook. He’d been out at sea for five nights and was in desperate need of a hot shower and a warm meal. He removed his cell from his duffle and powered it on. He was hoping there would be a message or two from Laurel with an invitation for him to come over. He sighed when he saw that there were fifty-two voicemail messages waiting for him. His impromptu boat trip succeeded in pissing his dad off enough to fill his voicemail. His heart filled with dread when he saw that forty-seven of the messages were from Thea.

The most recent message was only a few hours old and he hit play. “Tommy, where are you? I’ve been calling you for four days. He’ll be here for dinner. He’s expecting you,” Thea said anxiously.

Tommy was certain that Malcolm was on the warpath about something and that Thea and Moira had been covering for him. He’d only told the housekeeper where he was going. He decided to play Thea’s messages from the beginning. He lifted his duffle to his shoulder, grabbed the cooler and made his way to his car. He stowed his gear in the trunk and then hooked his phone up to his Bluetooth. He hit play on the first message as he turned the key in the ignition.

“Tommy,” Thea squealed with excitement, “call me back. It’s important.”

“Oh, my god, where are you? Call me back.”

“Tommy, where the hell are you? Call me back.”

“It’s Thea, Thea Queen, in case you’ve hit your head and have amnesia and don’t’ recognize my voice. Call me back.”

“Tommy. If you’re having sex instead of calling me back, I’m going to be really pissed with you. My news is WAY better than whatever sex you’re having. Call me back.”

“Please don’t be dead. You have me seriously freaked out right now. Call me back.”

“I went to your dad’s house. The housekeeper said you took out the Sunnybrook. I heard Malcolm had you fired from your mom’s clinic – I’m sorry, he’s an ass. Call me as soon as you get this message. I don’t want to leave the news on your voicemail.”

Tommy was about to call Thea when the next message began. Thea was crying, “Tommy, I talked to him, only for a minute, but it was him. His voice was the same – like out of a dream. I know I won’t believe it until he’s standing here. He promised that he’s coming home to us. He asked about you. I told him you were out sailing and it made him laugh. I can’t believe it. He’s alive and coming home to us. Tommy, Ollie’s alive.”

Tommy’s car swerved as his vision went black. He pulled to the side of the road and threw the car into park. He listened to Thea’s last message again. It wasn’t possible. Thea had to be wrong. Tommy sat unmoving as he listened to Thea’s message over and over again.

Tommy jumped when his phone rang, “Hello.”

“Oh, thank god, you’re back. Did you get my messages?” Thea asked.

He opened his mouth to speak, but only a sobbed escaped, “Is it true?”

“Yes,” she said. “He’s alive and he’s home. I just hugged him. He’s in his room settling in. Mom says the doctor says it’s important we not overwhelm him. He’s been alone on a deserted island for five years, so he’s going to need time to adjust, but it’s really him – just with shorter hair and a lot more muscles. Where are you? You should be here. I know he wants to see you. You should be here.”

Tommy wept as he listened to Thea talk. Ollie coming home was all he’d dreamt about for five years and now that it seemed like his dream was coming true, he was afraid to believe it. “Are you sure it’s him?”

“Yes, Tommy. It’s really him. It’s our Ollie. Where are you? You should be here,” Thea sounded dazed.

“I’m on my way,” he promised. He caught a glimpse of himself in the rearview mirror. He had a week of beard growth and his eyes were puffy. He smelled atrocious. He couldn’t go see Oliver looking and smelling the way he did. “I’m going to stop by the manor first and shower. I’ll be right over.”

“Hurry,” she encouraged. “Dinner is in two hours. Why aren’t you here? You should be here.”

“Thea,” he shouted so she wouldn’t hang up.

“Yeah?”

“Don’t,” Tommy swallowed heavily, “don’t let him leave before I get there.”

“I promise, I won’t let him go anywhere before he sees you,” Thea said with a smile in her voice. “Hurry. You should be here.”

Tommy hung up and stared at his phone in disbelief. There was message from a number he didn’t recognize. His heart raced with anticipation. He hit play and prayed that it would be the voice he’d spent five years missing.

“Hey, buddy, it’s me. Surprise, I’m alive - sorry, that’s a bad joke. I’ve been on a deserted island for five years, so I’m a bit out of practice talking. Where are you? I really wanted to hear your voice. Are you okay? Mom says she’s not sure where you are. I’m at the American embassy in China. They’re confirming I am who I say I am. If everything checks out, they say I can come home tomorrow. Mom has chartered a jet for me. God, I wish you picked up. I really want to hear your voice.” Oliver stopped speaking but the line didn’t disconnect. Tommy could hear Oliver breathing. When Oliver resumed talking, it was clear that he’d been crying. “I miss you, buddy. I’ll be home soon.”

Tommy listened to Oliver’s message twice more before remembering that Oliver was already home in Starling and waiting for him. He put the car back into gear and pulled back onto the road. He listened to Oliver’s message, over and over, all the way home.

**2014**

Tommy staggered as one of Slade’s goons dragged him from the room he was being held in. He could hear Oliver and Slade’s voices echoing around him. Oliver sounded calm, but there was a hint of desperation to his voice. Slade sounded completely unhinged.

The bag was pulled off Tommy’s head and he blinked in the bright fluorescent lighting. Oliver, dressed in his Arrow suit, stood with his bow at his side. He followed Oliver’s line of sight to Slade standing with his sword to Felicity’s throat.

“Felicity,” Tommy cried out, taking a step towards her.

Slade’s soldier tightened his arm painfully around Tommy’s, causing him to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from crying out. The soldier pushed Tommy towards Felicity and Slade. With his hands still bound behind his back, Tommy lost his balance and fell to his knees.

Oliver held his bow out to his side, “Let them go, your quarrel is with me.”

“Imagine my disappointment to learn that Laurel’s life had been ended before I could execute my own plans,” Slade seethed. “I wanted to be there to watch you break as the light left her eyes. How many months did I listen to you moon over that girl only to have you turn around and seduce Shado? Do you even know what love means? You’re incapable of it.”

“Is this what Shado would want? You threatening innocent people in your deranged madness,” Oliver answered.

“You don’t get to say her name,” Slade shouted, causing Felicity to flinch. Slade pointed his sword towards Oliver, “You never deserved her. When Sara showed up on Lian Yu, I realized what kind of man you are. A man who cheats on the woman he allegedly loves with her own sister.” Slade laughed and forced Felicity to her knees, “Then I come here and I discover that your secrets only get dirtier.”

Slade placed his boot in the center of Tommy’s chest before kicking him. Tommy fell onto his back, gasping for breath.

“You used to cry out his name in your sleep, but I thought you were calling out for your brother, not your lover,” Slade continued.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about. Laurel’s dead. I’ve already lost the love of my life,” Oliver lied. “Your anger is blinding you to the truth.”

Fury turned Slade’s face crimson, “You don’t know what it’s like to lose everything.” Slade pulled Felicity to her feet and pressed his lips to Felicity’s ear, “Does he make you promises in the dark? Does he tell you that he loves you before disappearing to whisper the same words in his ear?” Slade pressed his sword to Felicity’s throat.

Felicity whimpered as a small rivulet of blood dripped down her neck.

“Choose, kid, or I will,” Slade yelled.

“You’re wrong, Slade,” Oliver said drawing his attention away from Felicity. “I know what it’s like to be so distracted by anger that I lose sight of the danger that is right in front of me.”

Tommy rolled onto his side in time to watch Felicity’s hand moved faster than he’d ever seen her move. He breathed a sigh of relief as Slade released his grip on Felicity and a syringe dropped to the floor.

Felicity dropped to her knees and threw herself on top of Tommy. Oliver’s bow deflected Slade’s sword as he brought it down towards Felicity and Tommy. Oliver used his weight to force Slade back. He knocked Slade’s sword to the ground and began to block and parry Slade’s fists.

 Felicity pulled Tommy to a sitting position, “Can you move?”

Tommy flinched as another pair of hands landed on his shoulder.

“Relax,” Sara said from behind, “it’s just me. I’m getting you out of here.”

Sara cut the bindings from his wrists free and helped Felicity pull him to his feet.

“You’re hurt,” Felicity said with concern.

“It’s nothing that won’t heal.” Tommy started to move in the direction Oliver and Slade had disappeared.

“I injected Slade with the cure,” Felicity wrapped her arm around Tommy’s waist. “Oliver has this. We need to get you out of here.”

Tommy was about to protest when Sara poked him in the ribs. “Damn it, Sara,” he yowled.

Sara rolled her eyes, “I’m happy to see you too.”

Tommy took Felicity’s hand and they followed Sara past several of Slade’s soldiers who were now unconscious. Sara led them outside to where Nyssa was waiting. Her eyes were trained on the roof of the building, watching Oliver and Slade fighting.

“Aren’t you going to help?” he asked Sara.

Sara’s eyes followed Oliver and Slade across the roof, “I will if Ollie needs it.”

Tommy winced as Oliver jumped from the roof to follow Slade. He had no idea how his boyfriend was still walking on his injured knee, let alone leaping from rooftops. Sara, Nyssa, Felicity and Tommy ran around the building to discover Slade tied to a concrete column. Oliver was speaking to someone over his comm.

“Is it over?” Tommy asked with disbelief.

A military jet roared overhead and everyone’s attention was drawn to the sky.

“Yeah, it’s over.” Felicity dropped Tommy’s hand and ran towards Oliver.

Oliver opened his arms and accepted her embrace. He kissed the top of Felicity’s head before looking for Tommy. He gave his boyfriend a small smile before he returned his attention to Felicity.

“Go give him a hug, you idiot,” Sara said quietly.

Tommy shook his head, “Later.”

“No one is watching,” Sara said with exasperation. “I promise not to tell.”

“Sara,” Tommy said without taking his eyes from Oliver and Felicity.

“Are his kisses as good as you remember?” she asked cheekily.

Tommy turned to his old friend, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

It was Sara’s turn to roll her eyes, “Of course you don’t. For the record, I think the three of you make a lot of sense. You’re good for one another – all of you.”

Tommy didn’t have the energy to keep denying the truth, “We don’t know that it’s going to work.”

“You don’t know that it won’t,” Sara countered. “You and Ollie deserve to be happy – I’m glad you’re finally going to give it a shot.”

“You deserve to be happy too,” he looked over Sara towards Nyssa. “Are you happy?”

Sara looked at Nyssa and smiled softly, “I love Nyssa and she loves me. We’re trying to figure out how to make the rest work.”

“You’re going back to the League?” he asked with disappointment. “I was hoping you’d be sticking around. You’re the best bartender we have.”

“You’ll have to find someone else to mix drinks for you,” she teased. “I won’t stay away for long. Now that I have all of you back in my life, I don’t want to go back to the way it was.”

“I don’t want to go back to the way it was either,” Tommy admitted. He kissed Sara on the forehead, “Thank you.”

Tommy approached his boyfriend and girlfriend. They were both talking to someone over their comms. It sounded like Oliver was making arrangements to turn Slade over to ARGUS. Tommy waited for them to finish their discussions.

Oliver finished his conversation first and limped towards Tommy. He reached out a tentative hand and touched Tommy’s face, “How badly are you hurt?”

“I’ll be okay,” Tommy answered.

Oliver huffed his annoyance, “That’s not what I asked.”

“I think my arm is fractured and there is a good chance I have some cracked ribs,” Tommy admitted. “How about you?”

“My knee hurts like a son of a bitch,” Oliver answered.

“Do I have any hope of getting you to go to the hospital?” Tommy asked. “After a change of clothes, of course.”

Oliver shook his head, “I’ll have one of the docs at ARGUS take a look at me.”

Felicity joined them, “That was Roy. He’s got Thea, she’s safe. They’re on their way back to your house.”

Tommy pointed to Felicity’s head, “Did Slade do that to you?”

Felicity touched the dried blood on her forehead and grimaced, “Don’t get mad.”

“Oh good,” Tommy said sarcastically, “I’m going to love this.”

Felicity held two fingers close together, “We were in a small car accident.”

“She has a concussion,” Oliver answered Tommy’s question before he had a chance to ask. “ARGUS will be taking a look at her too.”

Tommy held his arms open and Felicity stepped into his embrace. He placed a hand on Oliver’s chest before returning it to Felicity’s back. “Looks like we can hold our next date in an emergency room. Very romantic.”

“Nice try, but you are buying me something nicer than hospital Jell-O for dinner,” Felicity grinned.

The three pulled apart as a helicopter appeared overhead. “The cavalry has arrived,” Oliver said.

Diggle hopped out of the helicopter and ran towards them. “Everyone okay?” he shouted over helicopter’s engine.

“Yeah,” Oliver answered.

“Waller wants to see you,” Dig gestured towards the helicopter.

Oliver nodded at Diggle. He looked at Tommy guiltily, “I’ve got to go. Promise me that you’ll go to the hospital.”

“I’ll make sure he does,” Sara told Oliver.

Oliver hugged Sara, “Thank you - for everything.”

Oliver took Felicity’s hand and they started walking towards the helicopter. Oliver stopped and turned back to Tommy. He took three deliberate strides before he took Tommy into his arms. They held each other without speaking. There was too much that needed to be said, but it also felt unnecessary to say anything. Tommy could feel Oliver’s heart beating beneath his fingers, and that was enough. Oliver let go and walked away.

Tommy watched the helicopter take off and disappear into the night sky. The adrenaline that had been coursing through him for days began to dissipate and he shivered. It didn’t seem possible that it was over and they were all finally safe. Now that everything had stopped, Tommy would have time to think about Moira and what her loss would mean to all of them.

“Let’s go get you looked at,” Sara placed her hand on his back. “If you’re good, I’ll get you a lollipop.”

“As long as lollipop means Vicodin.” Tommy dropped his eyes from the night sky to find his friend smiling up at him.

“I think that can be arranged,” she said leading him towards her motorcycle.

 

**2012**

Tommy ran up the stone steps to the front doors and threw them open. He nearly tripped over his own feet when he saw Oliver standing in the middle of the foyer. His heart pounded in his chest and everything he’d waited five years to say floated out of his head.

“I told you, yachts suck,” he said without thinking.

Oliver turned to face him and he smiled, “Tommy Merlyn.”

Tommy closed the remaining distance between them and threw his arms around his friend. Oliver’s arms wrapped around him and squeezed him tightly. “I can’t believe it’s really you.”

“It’s really me,” Oliver promised as he let go of him.

Tommy held onto Oliver’s arms above his elbows. He wasn’t willing to let go - not yet. He looked into Oliver’s eyes and was surprised by what he saw. There was a coldness to Oliver’s eyes that he’d never seen before. Something wasn’t right. Before he could ask his best friend what was wrong, Thea ran down the stairs, causing Oliver to jump.

“Geez, Speedy. You’re louder than a herd of elephants,” Tommy teased.

Thea wrapped her arms around Tommy’s waist, “What do you think?”

Tommy laughed, “What do I think about what?”

Thea slapped his arm, “Don’t be an idiot. What do you think about Ollie?”

Tommy looked back to Oliver, “I think it’s a miracle.”

“I like his hair better this way,” Thea said with a grin as she ran her hand across the top of her brother’s closely cropped head.

Tommy pretended not to notice that Oliver had flinched at Thea’s touch. “I wouldn’t care if he was bald.”

Oliver laughed, “Bald?”

“You’re home, that’s all that matters,” Tommy said trying to keep himself from crying.

“Hey,” Oliver said with a smile, “you owe me two weeks in Mexico.”

Tommy shook his head, “No, you owe me two weeks in Mexico.”

“Thomas,” Moira said exiting the living room, “no one is going to Mexico.”

Thea snorted, “I’m pretty sure you’re not allowed in Mexico anymore.”

“Nice,” Tommy gently pinched Thea’s arm. “She’s still a complete brat,” he informed Oliver.

“Am not,” Thea stuck out her tongue.

“Okay, you two,” Moira pushed Thea and Tommy towards the dining. “As you can see, these two haven’t changed while you were gone.”

“I’m glad,” Oliver smiled and Tommy recognized the genuine affection in it. “I missed this – them – all of you.”

Oliver slung an arm over Tommy and Thea’s shoulders as they walked to the dining room. He turned to his little sister, “So what kind of trouble did he get into without me?”

Thea rolled her eyes, “He’s so boring and responsible now. He even graduated with a MBA.”

Oliver looked at Tommy with surprise, “You went through with it? Are you working for your dad?”

“Things haven’t changed that much,” Tommy said. “Dad pretends I don’t exist and I spend his money to annoy him.”

A look of worry clouded Oliver’s face, “You’ve been okay?”

Tommy was unable to look Oliver in the eyes, and turned away, “I’ve been okay.”

“Maybe we can convince him to come work for Queen Consolidated now,” Walter said as he shook Tommy’s hand.

“It’s tempting, but I’m pretty sure if I went to work for QC, whatever truce I have with my dad will be over,” Tommy dropped into a dining room chair. “It’s always best to not provoke Malcolm into noticing I have thoughts of my own – or exist.”

“I know you’re disappointed about your mom’s clinic, and Malcolm overreacted, but I’m sure he was expecting you to work at Merlyn Global when you graduated. I think he would be okay if you decided to work for QC.” Moira sat when Walter held out her chair. “You worked hard at school. You should do something with your degree.” She smiled at Oliver, “Now that you’re home, maybe I can have both of my boys working with me.”

Oliver studied Tommy as he listened to his mom discuss Malcolm and Tommy’s most recent disagreement. Tommy did his best not to squirm under the scrutiny.

Oliver winked at Thea before turning his attention to his mom, “I haven’t even been home a day mom. I’m not going to work tomorrow.”

“No one wants to rush you, Oliver. We all know that this is an adjustment,” Walter said kindly.

Oliver eyed Walter suspiciously, “An adjustment? Like you sleeping with my mother?”

“Oliver,” Moira said sharply.

“Are you going to deny it?” Oliver accused.

Moira looked between Thea and Tommy. Thea held up her hands, “I didn’t tell him.”

“Don’t look at me, I just got here,” Tommy said.

“Your mother and I have been married for two years,” Walter explained.

“We were going to tell you. We just didn’t want to overwhelm you,” Moira insisted.

Oliver tossed his napkin onto the table, “I’ve lost my appetite. May I be excused?”

“Of course, dear,” Moira said smoothing her napkin in her lap.

Oliver squeezed Tommy’s shoulder as he walked by, “Will you take me into town tomorrow?”

“Sure,” Tommy squeezed Oliver’s hand before he released his shoulder.

“Well, he’s charming as ever,” Thea said sarcastically as soon as Oliver left the room.

“Your brother has been through a lot, Thea,” Walter admonished. “We need to be patient.”

“Finish your dinners,” Moira’s fingers tapped the table. “How was your sailing trip?”

Tommy tore his eyes from the door Oliver just vanished through. He rubbed his chest where it had begun to ache. “It was fine. I had good weather.”

“I can’t believe you went sailing for five days and didn’t tell us where you were going,” Thea chided him.

“I didn’t want to worry you,” he said as he turned back towards the door.

“Well, we did worry,” Thea said. “We couldn’t reach you,” Thea scolded.

Tommy looked back at Thea, “I’m sorry, Speedy. I wasn’t thinking. I should’ve told you I was going to be out of touch.”

His gaze drifted back to the door.

“Okay,” Thea huffed. “But, if we had known, we could’ve sent the Coast Guard to get you, so you would’ve been here when Ollie arrived.”

“For goodness sake,” Moira said putting her silverware down. “Tommy, go. Follow him. I know that’s what you want to do.”

Tommy rose from the table, “Thanks. I’ll be right back.”

He took the stairs two at a time and ran down the corridor to Oliver’s room. He stopped short when he realized Oliver’s door was open, but he wasn’t inside.

“I’m here,” Oliver’s head stuck out of Tommy’s room.

“What are you doing in there?” he walked down the hall.

Oliver was sitting on Tommy’s bed, “My room is kind of creepy. It’s like a shrine to a dead person. Your room looks like you’ve been living in it.”

“Well, your room was a shrine to a dead person and I have been living here – well, kind of. On and off for five years. I sleep here one or two nights a week.”

“Because of your dad?”

Tommy thought it best to avoid the topic of his father. Oliver just got home after being marooned on a deserted island. His best friend didn’t need to hear about Tommy’s trivial difficulties. “If I’m not spending the night with - a girl,” he panicked at nearly saying Laurel’s name, “I’d rather be here with Speedy and your mom - and Walter,” Tommy sat down next to Oliver. “Walter’s not a bad guy. He loves your mom and Speedy, a lot. He’s taken really good care of them.”

Oliver picked up a book from Tommy’s nightstands. After three years of near constant reading, its pages were well worn. “The Odyssey?”

Tommy shrugged, “I borrowed it.”

Oliver shook his head, a small smile on his lips.

“What?” Tommy asked, wondering if the book brought back the same memory for Oliver that it did for him.

“Nothing.” Oliver opened to a page that Tommy had marked.

“Take courage, my heart: you have been through worse than this. Be strong, saith my heart; I am a soldier; I have seen worse sights than this,” Tommy recited from memory. It was a passage that had brought him comfort when he’d been at his lowest in Colorado.

The tips of Oliver’s ears turned red as he stared at Tommy’s mouth. “I want to go see Laurel tomorrow,” he said abruptly.

“Why?” Tommy asked with shock.

“I want to apologize – about Sara, about everything,” Oliver said earnestly.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea. She still has a lot of anger. I’m not saying she has a dart board with your face on it, but she totally has a dart board with your face on it.”

“I deserve it,” Oliver said.

“That might be true. Ollie, Laurel really doesn’t want to see you,” Tommy tried to reason. “She’s going to need time. You should give her time to adjust to the idea that you’re alive and back, and Sara isn’t.” Tommy had tried to reach Laurel to warn her before the news broke, but she hadn’t picked up her phone.

“I need to apologize and if she never wants to see me again, that’s fine.” Oliver met his eyes, “Tommy, I need to tell her that I’m sorry.”

Tommy squeezed Oliver’s shoulder, “Okay, buddy, but I’m telling you now, it’s a mistake not to wait.”

A small smile turned Oliver’s lips, “I’ve missed you.”

Tommy laughed, “What’s not to miss?” He rose from the bed, “Come back to dinner. Cut your mom a break. For two years she did nothing but grieve. Give Walter a chance – he makes her happy.”

Oliver’s brow furrowed, “Fine, but I’m not calling him dad.”

Tommy looked aghast, “He’s British. I think that means you have to call him, father – or, sir – or, your majesty.”

Oliver bumped his shoulder into Tommy’s, “So, my mom got remarried, Speedy grew five inches and you have a MBA. What else did I miss?”

“Nothing important,” Tommy gave Oliver his easy grin as he tried to think how he was ever going to tell his best friend that he was in love with his girl.

Oliver placed his hand on Tommy’s shoulder as they walked back to the dining room. Tommy bit the inside of his cheek to keep from crying. His dream had come true, he had Oliver back – alive. He needed to come up with a plan for keeping Oliver and Laurel apart until he could tell him the truth.

Tommy had no idea where he stood with Oliver. There was a part of him that was desperate to kiss Oliver. He wanted to feel the weight of Oliver pressing him into his bed, but he wasn’t sure if that’s who they were anymore. There was also the not so small consideration of Laurel. He was dating Laurel. He was in love with Laurel. Tommy would never cheat on her, not even with Oliver.

“You okay?” Oliver asked as he squeezed Tommy’s shoulder.

“Yeah,” Tommy smiled. “I’m just really happy that you’re home.”

Oliver’s smile didn’t quite meet his eyes, “Me too.”

**2014**

“Come in, Speedy,” Tommy responded to a soft knock on his door. He was surprised when Oliver and Felicity stepped inside. “I thought you were Thea. You’re back sooner than I thought.”

Felicity kicked off her shoes and climbed onto Tommy’s bed, “We decided not to linger on landmine island.”

Oliver locked Tommy’s bedroom door, toed off his shoes, and joined Tommy and Felicity on the bed. He yawned, “I could sleep for a week.”

“Thea’s home,” Tommy said again.

“I know,” Oliver stretched on his back, “I locked the door.”

“What if she comes looking for me in the middle of the night?” Tommy asked with more than a little panic in his voice.

Oliver chuckled, “I know for a fact you know how to hide a girl in this room.”

“It’s not Felicity I’m worried about Thea finding in my bed,” Tommy poked Oliver’s shoulder.

“Fine, Felicity can stay in your bed and I’ll hide,” Oliver said with a small smile. “I’m really too tired to care if Thea finds us.”

Tommy turned to check on Felicity, but she was already asleep. He removed her glasses and handed them to Oliver who placed them on the nightstand.

Oliver’s fingers traced over Tommy’s cast. He took Tommy’s good wrist and pulled him into his arms. Tommy went stiff as his head landed on Oliver’s chest. Oliver opened one eye, “Do you want me to sleep in my room?”

“You didn’t kill Malcolm,” Tommy blurted out.

“What?” Oliver asked sitting up. “Did he show up while we were gone?”

Tommy dropped his head and shook it, “No, before.”

Understanding dawned on his face, “He did this to you, not Slade.”

Tommy could only respond with a curt nod.

“Why?” Oliver’s anger was clear even when whispering. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“You had enough on your plate. It didn’t seem important enough and I hadn’t been sure, not completely, not until he found Thea and me at the train station,” Tommy said quickly. “Plus, I think one of Slade’s men killed him – but his body hasn’t turned up in the morgue – so maybe he’s not dead.”

“Wait?” Oliver gingerly stood up and hopped on his good leg. “How long did you suspect he was back for?”

Tommy’s eyes drifted towards the wall and he shrugged.

“Tommy,” Oliver said sharply.

“March,” Tommy answered. “I’ve been almost certain he was alive since March.”

“And you didn’t tell me?” Oliver snapped.

“When was I supposed to tell you, Ollie?” Tommy got off the bed, stiffly. Every muscle and joint in his body protesting the movement. “Slade was back. Roy was falling apart. Thea stopped speaking to us. The campaign. This was my problem to deal with, not yours.”

“He’s our sister’s father. He’s your father. He is my problem,” Oliver insisted.

“You needed to focus on Slade. Malcolm wasn’t our most pressing problem,” Tommy tried to reason.

Oliver lifted the front of Tommy’s t-shirt, exposing his chest, stomach and ribs. Tears filled Oliver’s eyes as he delicately traced Tommy’s bruises and the tape binding his ribs. His hand rested over Tommy’s heart and recited softly, “Take courage, my heart: you have been through worse than this. Be strong, saith my heart.”

“I promise, I’m okay. I know it looks bad, but it’s really not,” Tommy tried to defuse the emotions of the situation, as he took hold of Oliver’s hand.

Oliver looked at Tommy with hurt in his eyes, “That line might’ve worked on me when I was sixteen, but not anymore. I know what it feels like to be beaten. How are you standing right now?”

“How are you?” Tommy eyed Oliver from head to toe. “You shouldn’t be standing at all. You should be off your knee.”

“I’ll find him. If he’s alive, I won’t let him come near you or Thea again,” Oliver released Tommy’s shirt.

“I don’t want to talk about him. I don’t want to think about him. We need to focus on Thea and on you,” Tommy said. “You both need to grieve for your mom.”

Oliver took Tommy’s hand, “We all do.”

“Let’s get some sleep,” Tommy tugged Oliver back towards the bed.

Felicity’s eyes were open, watching them. “How can I help?”

“You’re doing it. You’re here,” Tommy smiled.

He laid down beside Felicity and she rolled onto her stomach. She rose to her elbows and ran her fingers through Tommy’s hair. She placed a soft kiss to his lips and smiled. “You’ll tell me when you’re ready?” she asked.

He brought her hand to his lips. Tommy wasn’t ready to begin grieving Moira yet. There was still too much to deal with and Thea and Oliver needed him to be strong. He knew he couldn’t put it off for much longer, but having Felicity waiting to hold him when he allowed himself to fall apart gave him strength. “I promise, you’ll be the first to know.”

Oliver pulled the blankets over them and flipped off the light. He climbed into bed on Felicity’s other side. “Let’s get some sleep.” Oliver yawned. “We’ve got a lot of work to do. QC, Verdant, the city – they all need us.”

“Buddy,” Tommy yawned, “your pillow talk needs a lot of work.”

Felicity giggled and Tommy joined in.

“You’re both lunatics,” Oliver said fluffing his pillow. “Go to sleep.”

Tommy closed his eyes, and, for the first time since Slade’s appearance, he didn’t dream of Oliver dying.

 

**2014 - Epilogue**

Tommy pulled his dark gray suit from his closet and laid it across his bed. The first time Felicity had ever called him handsome, he’d been wearing it. He slipped into a white button down and stood in front of his tie collection. Oliver liked him in blue, which only eliminated half of his ties. His fingers sorted through the silky material as he waited for one of the ties to pop out at him. A soft blue caught his eye and his fingers stilled. He pulled the tie free from the rack and held it at arm’s length. It was Oliver’s tie - the one Tommy had worn to his funeral. He reached to return it to the rack, but hesitated. The tie had brought Tommy comfort on one of the worst days of his life. Oliver’s funeral had been an ending to everything Tommy had ever dreamed of. Tonight, was going to be a beginning. He was going to have dinner with Oliver and Felicity at Morrello’s, and then they were going to return to Tommy’s to share his bed. Tommy returned Oliver’s tie to the rack. A relationship with Oliver and Felicity had seemed unthinkable, but the promise of a future with them made Tommy happier than he’d been in a long time. He was done with endings and his painful past. From now on, Tommy Merlyn was only focusing on his future.

His cell buzzed with an incoming message.

OQ: _On my way to pick up Felicity. We’ll see you soon._

TM: _I’ll be waiting._

Tommy returned to his closet. A pattern caught his eye and he pulled the tie from the rack. The piece of silk was the color of the night sky on a full moon. He’d purchased it on a whim while out shopping with Thea, but had yet to wear it. His finger traced over the looping pattern. He thought the symbol for infinity was appropriate for his first official date with Oliver and Felicity. He turned up his collar and quickly tied a Windsor knot. He finished getting dressed and took one last look at himself in the mirror. Tommy straightened his tie, placed his wallet in his pocket, and headed for his door. He was in the elevator when his cell pinged alerting him that his car had arrived. He let out a chuckle when he realized he was nervous.

His usual driver held his car door open, “Good evening, Mr. Merlyn.”

“Good evening, Roger,” Tommy said climbing into the car.

“I have you going to Morrello’s this evening,” Roger informed Tommy.

“That’s correct. How’s traffic tonight?” Tommy asked.

“I should have you there in fifteen minutes,” Roger answered.

Tommy looked at his watch. Fifteen minutes would get him to the restaurant ten minutes before his reservation. His future was about to begin and he didn’t want to be late. He smiled at Roger in the rearview mirror, “Excellent.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. Kudos and comments are always welcomed and appreciated. Hearing from you is my favorite part of the day.
> 
> I'll be setting aside the angst for a little while. I think we can all use a bit of a breather.
> 
> Prompt requests are encouraged.
> 
> You can also come say hi to me on tumblr. http://realityisoverrated-fic.tumblr.com

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. Kudos and comments are always welcomed and appreciated. Hearing from you is my favorite part of the day.
> 
> I hope you're still with me. On Wednesday, the update will include more of Tommy and Sara's friendship. Starting with chapter 3, which will be posted a week from today, you will probably need to start reading with a box of tissues nearby. I made myself cry in several spots in this fic as I wrote it. I can only think of one other time that has happened.
> 
> Prompt requests are encouraged.
> 
> You can also come say hi to me on tumblr. http://realityisoverrated-fic.tumblr.com


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